A sociopaths secrets

Where to begin

I suppose the most appropriate course of action if we are to delve into my upbringing and how it may have affected my personality is to start with my unique childhood. Or should I say my unique self, my childhood was not very out of the ordinary, but I was. As a young child I was ordinary, just one of the kids swinging in the playground, brushing the brush off of my knees and elbows when I fell. No indication of my "disturbed nature". In middle school everyone's personalities started to shine through their awkward transition into young adolescence. Mine was unpredictable. There were bubbly, social, friendly, truthful, helpful, kind,loving, caring,sweet, delightful children buzzing everywhere, learning who they really were. As this occurred I believe I was the only one who observed these children, watched them all the time because they were so complex and that intrigued me. The human nature is so complex yet at the same time, so predictable. For the patterns are quite easy to spot after you've observed these creatures for a while. I watched the other kids with fathomed eyes, all the time. I viewed them as specimens because their nature was foreign to me. So caring, and so loving and kind, traits i was unfamiliar with. I was hooked on studying them.
All of them were different but only slightly, since people are very predictable, they are generally similar in most ways. I learned so much! I learned how to disguise who I really am, how to fake emotions perfectly and when to do so. I was such a perfectly detailed and beautifully constructed facade. I secretly took pride in how well I hid myself. I had a gift for manipulation and I was delighted for it was very useful. I worked on my charisma and femininity in order to seduce men for what I needed and persuade people for the things I wanted. I was my own best friend. And I loved it! Nobody is on the same intellectual level as myself, and nobody but myself, can I trust. Which is why I did not associate with other people that much. Only when necessary. I stayed hidden behind my mask for years, and things were going well. But I started to get bored. Oh, boredom is such a destructive feeling in my world that constantly seeps into my bones and aches me all day. Seeking for some new thrill, a new source of fresh pounding adrenaline is all I wanted. I was so above my peers intellectually so it was no surprise when I realized none of them could stimulate my mind in a real conversation. So I had to find entertainment elsewhere. I turned to mischief because I strived in the dense atmosphere of boiling adrenaline, God, do I love that. This is also when I started to really let my mind wander, not hold back. Of course I hope it is implied that I shared none of my honest thoughts with anyone because I loved my privacy and secrets. I would steal from my peers and laugh at their solemn expressions, their contempt, their uncontrollable fear, annoyance, you name it and I was high on the game I had created. I stole whatever I wanted and it was great. Nothing could bring me down, ever. I would lie all the time, even when I didn't need to, because the truth is boring and lying is just so much fun. And boy did they eat up my little lies with ferocity like ants searching in a panic for a free crumb of food on the counter top. I began to have abnormal, dangerous, and unimaginable thoughts that I couldn't help but become infatuated with! They were taboo which made me feel invigorated!