Just 1

Just 1 Morning

               I open my eyes to hear the ringing of my annoying alarm. Just another Monday morning. I really don't want to get up. Can I just sleep forever? I feel as if my bed is begging me to stay but I can't. Standing up off my bed I look in the Mirror

       "I disgust myself," I say with a disgusted face as I stare at the mirror at the monster I saw. The person I see can't be me. Looking at my arms covered in cuts just makes me feel more like the failure I am. my long brown hair resting on my tired shoulders.

             I get dressed and put on a purple sweatshirt to cover my arms and some sweatpants. Putting on my favorite shoes I walk down the creaking old stairs into the dining room. I look at the table in the middle of the small room. I don't have enough time or energy to make breakfast. It may be the most important meal of the day but it can't be that important right? You can survive without eating for 21 days. So skipping breakfast shouldn't be a big deal. I grab my backpack from the floor.

         "Math book check, LA notebook check, sketchbook, wait where is my sketchbook," I say out loud. To my surprise my mom answers.

       "Right here you piece of shit," she says, handing me a book. She has an annoyed look on her face. Why is she awake? She's never up this early.

         "Next time, if you lose your stuff I'm go-" She says and then stops glares at me, and leaves. Ignoring what just happened I get my stuff together and start my walk to the bus stop. 

            As I leave the small house I call home I feel something. It's raining, but only sprinkling. Suddenly it starts to rain even harder. I don't mind the rain because it makes me feel like I'm not the only one that's crying. I walk on the side of the road. Passing the many houses in my small neighborhood. I look at the ground kicking any rock or stick in the way of me walking.

           I look up a few minutes later, noticing that I'm at my stop. Two minutes pass, five minutes now, ten minutes, I hear the sound of tires driving through the puddles on the wet road. I look up to find the bus. 

                      Hands in my warm pockets I walk up the stairs and into the bus. I see that Everyones looking at me and whispering. I roll my eyes to tell them I don't care about their opinion. That I wasn't made to make them happy. When really inside every word hurts. Every stare, every point, every whisper, every laugh, and every comment hurts. I shouldn't show how I feel though. If I did end up doing that it would just make me feel weak and vulnerable. All they say anyways is that you're doing it for attention and how it's just a phase. 

       Ah yes, school, a place that makes you hate everything. Well besides my friends I guess. I walk into the large middle school I look to my left to see my two Friends Anna and Jamie talking. I walk up to them, putting a smile on my face......

             "Hello!" I say in an enthusiastic voice with a smile still taped across my face. Jammie then turns toward me and stares at me for a bit like she was trying to remember who I am.

              She then responds with."Oh... hey lexie." She looks back to Anna to continue her conversation. I just stand there thinking in the hallway. This wasn't unusual. Actually, this happens all the time. I guess I just never noticed. I look up and realize they left. I don't know what to think anymore. Are they really my friends? No, they have to be my friends. I've helped them in their darkest times. There's no way they aren't real friends. Even your shadow leaves you in the dark. So I guess even some friends leave you in your darkest times RIGHT?

                                                                     The bell rings.