I don't know what i did to deserve some thing as strange as this, i have so many people that say they love me then go ahead and stab me in the back i don't know what is happening i love my life i think i have an average life and that's all i ask for but some days its just hard and all i need is a hug from some one i really love. i have lots of friends but only a few actually act like it i mean i have this one friend who is always saying she wants me to d stuff with her but then i think if she is really asking as a friend or just trying to hide the fact that she doesn't like me or even that she thinks I'm annoying. i admit some times a can be a bit of a b*tch but i don't really mean to it just happens and that's just the way i am. people need to accept me for me and stop trying to change the way i am. i love the way i am but some times i get annoyed at myself and you have no idea how many times i have thought about doing things people don't normally do. I'm a weird and f*cked up person and i don't like it at times. things have happened to me that i don't like to talk about not even to my parents and i find it hard to talk to people at times when there being rude. not saying im not a rude person because at times i can be and I'm probably the rudest of them all but it just depends on what they are talking about. some things get me feeling a bit weird in the stomach and i just have to walk away. i hate seeing other people upset because most of the time i think its my fault or I've done something to hurt them somehow. i now they say there's nothing wrong but Ive gone through allot in my life and i know when some one is lying to me and it hurts when they do. its hard to have some one with you and not have a perfect moment with out some one bombarding you and i hate that. its hard to keep your feeling up when inside your dieing and all you want to do is go lay out on the beach and watch the sun set with some one you know loves you and you love too. i hate having people in my life that don't like me for me its hard to think that people act so sweet around you then behind your back they talk and spread stupid snarky little rumours about you and how people always make you feel so good then you realise that they don't really even like you. don't you ever get that feeling when your alone and you wish you could just stand on the edge of a cliff and let it all fall apart and fall away into the sharp rigid rocks below don't you just wish you could get rid of all your bad and unforgettable memories and start fresh with a personalitie that you like and don't care what other people think. i hate it when people look at me like I'm some kind of weird creature from outer space who isn't even know by any one. i hate having the feeling in my stomach that people are only faking to like you and really every one you know is just some one who hates you with a passion. that's a a thought that goes through my mind over and over again every day when people hug me and when people say i love you, do they actually really mean it or are they just saying that?. i wish i was the kind of person who could walk past some one in the gayest out fit or have the worst look o my face and not care what people thought or cared or said to me but sadly i am a person who cares i care if people like me and if people don't then that upsets me. i wanna be a perfect person with no flaws or some one with a perfect life with a perfect house and a perfect family but im not and i can deal with that but what i cant deal with his people and there perfect personalities. im not saying every ones life is perfect because no one is perfect but I'm just saying people dont get how lucky they are. people take things fro granted and if they only knew how many people would wish on every single shooting star that they see to have a life like there's. if your reading this just think about how you feel about your life and if your life isn't too good then think about all the amazing things that you have in your life and you wont be able to hold back the massive grin thats trying so hard to break through your sad face.
