Crushed

Introduction

I don't want to do this. I'm not ready. Why do things always have to change right when I am getting comfortable? I am going to hate it, I can already feel it. I wont have anyone with me. I wont know anyone. Everyone is going to act differently. I'll be alone like always, I should be used to this by now. I thought it would get easier, having no one, it feels like its getting worse. My two "friends" will always pick each other over me. They're really best friends they just let me tag along because they think I'm entertaining. Maybe they wont leave me behind once we get there. They might want to keep me with them. I hope. 

Danny. She might still talk to me. We talked all summer, hopefully shell still talk to me if she sees me. It does not matter though. She will leave me too. No one really cares about me. My own parents don't even care about me, why would these children. I'm weird and loud. I say things at the wrong time and don't know when to give up and just let things go. I just want someone to love me like I love them. I just want to be seen as who I am and accepted. I don't want to have to change myself for anyone to accept me. I just want to find where I belong. Where I'm meant to be and who I'm supposed to be with. 

I wish I had real friends. I wish I wasn't sad all the time. I wish I could just find out what I'm supposed to do here. I wish my dad did not hate me. People tell me he doesn't but that's how it feels. Why cant he just love me how I think he should? Why does he have to hurt me? Yell at me? I hate him, well I think I hate him. I don't want to though. I wish I could talk to him about this. How uneasy I feel about this transition. I wish I had someone to help me, tell me what to do. That everything will be okay. 

It doesn't matter. I am used to feeling alone, having no one to help me. I didn't need anyone then and I don't need them now. I have done everything else by myself. I have always been a second thought and you know what? I don't care.(I kind of do) I will get through this. So what I cried myself to sleep for a week straight the last week of summer. I'm going to be okay, eventually. I can get used to it. I know I don't like big changes but It has to happen. You can reinvent yourself here. You don't have to talk to anyone you can just blend into the background. No one wants to see me anyway.  

I can do this. I'm going to start high school. I might like it, you never know. You could find the love of your life here. Lets not get carried away but maybe You can find your place. Maybe you could find real friends. I don't want to do this but I have to. Next week I have to start school as a freshman. I really don't know what to expect but it can't be that bad. Right?