The Wanderer

Chapter 14

Niko and I still lay on opposite sides of the bed, scared to show affection in case the other isn't ready.

Slipping out of the bed, I walk out the bedroom door as quiet as I can be. Tiptoeing down the stairs and opening the door slowly to avoid it creaking, I finally leave the confines of the house.

Being in that house felt like me being locked up. Compared to the freedom I used to have, the four walls stress me out. It feels suffocating, like I can't breathe while knowing I could be outside with nature.

The only time it feels like I can breathe is when Niko and I are interacting. It could be something as simple as a nod goodnight, but when he acknowledges my existence, it makes me feel wanted.

I needed real fresh air, hoping to be able to breathe without needing to be validated. I can't bring myself to rely on Niko to comfort me. He doesn't even know he is comforting me, but I've become too reliant on him.

Needing my independence back, I decided I would explore the territory. It would give me some time alone to my thoughts, and hopefully give me some of the peacefulness that I experienced while wandering.

Walking diagonally from the house, I reach the woods after a little bit of distance. I need to explore the center of the territory too, but that can be done later. Right now, all I want is to be in my wolf form, running through the trees.

After hiding my clothes, I shift into my wolf, welcoming the feeling it brings. A feeling of peace and familiarity comes with being in this form. It's a stark difference from being in my human form. As a human, I feel restricted and confined. Simply not as free.

That is likely also because the predicaments I find myself in when I am in human form. I always find a way to somehow screw everything up. Life is much simpler as a wolf.

Stretching out my muscles, I start at a slow trot, getting familiar with the trees. Each one looks unique when you study it, but together they become a large mass of the same thing. Like snowflakes and people.

The sun is just starting to rise, the pack members waking up for their day. I strategically avoided all the peoples questioning gazes by leaving as early as I did. I didn't want them mentioning it to Niko. I wanted this to be my time, with no one knowing of my location. Just like how it used to be.

I was like a ghost, no one really knowing of me. Everyone I knew were ghosts, having been killed, so I was officially a nobody. It is like I didn't exist any longer.

How I wish that was the truth. But, I do still exist, and now people know about me. I found a place where I may belong someday.

I don't feel like I belong here now. Even though I am technically a rogue, I feel like I don't belong in a rogue pack. Not because I see myself as better than everyone else, but because I'm better off on my own, no one knowing of me. It is just easier that way.

My pace picks up, my muscles being warm. The trees blur by as I run, kicking up dirt with every step I take. Feeling the dirt beneath my paws is such a welcoming feeling, knowing that it is only me and nature. No one else to complicate things.

Maybe having complicated things in life is good. It is hard to see my life as better now than it was before, but that is my need for simplicity talking. I like knowing what is to be expected, and now I am in a new territory. I don't know how to act or behave to have the best possible outcome.

Niko is a complication, but an enjoyable one. He makes me want to embrace my new life with open arms. He makes my need for simplicity less important, as he is more important than anything else. He comes above all else, now being the biggest part of my life.

The real complications come as my duties to this pack and what is to be expected. I may not fit in yet, but one day, this place will feel as natural to me as the forest. It just takes time and patience.

Catching the scent of a rabbit, the wolf in me has the urge to have a good chase. No need to eat it, I just want to not have any worries.

Running off in the direction of the rabbit, I find where it is eating. It is eating in a field of grass, munching on some. I let it fill its belly, before starting my fun. I make the grass rustle as I approach, hinting to it that a predator is near. It starts hopping along slowly, but when it sees me, it rapidly increases its pace.

Chasing after it, I make sure to keep my running slow enough as to not catch it, but fast enough to still have fun.

I eventually tire, walking back to the field that I found the rabbit in. It's a nice field with bright green grass and flowers along the edge. The trees break apart naturally, allowing the sun to beam into the remote area. This place gives off the aura of pure peace and home. It feels like I was meant to be here, soaking up the sun as it shines on me.

Lounging in the grass, I lay out, taking deep breaths to alleviate the ache in my chest. The ache is partially from running for so long, but also from being away from Niko. It is the same ache that I felt trying to sleep alone, and I am feeling it now.

Distracting myself with the sounds of nature, I listen to the birds that are just waking up, their wings flapping and beaks chirping. The crickets are getting quieter as the rest of the animals wake, knowing their nighttime songs are over.

Bringing my attention to what I can feel, I revel in the feeling of the cool grass on my hot fur. It is a welcome feeling, two opposites coming together to make me feel wonderful. It feels like I am sleeping on a mattress, the grass being so soft.

As I sunbathe, the ache gets duller and duller. I don't have any idea why it would lessen like it is, until he steps into the clearing.

In all his massive glory, his ten foot tall Lycan form stalks towards me, his red eyes contrasting with the black of his fur. He approaches my relaxed form with a hint of confusion in his eyes, clear to see in his faltering steps. He is unsure if he should disrupt the peace and join.

I lift my head acknowledging his presence. Putting my head right back down on the pillow-like grass, I wait for him to reach me. He comes closer slowly, before just standing over me, as if keeping watch.

Watching him stay stiff, I sit up and nudge him with my snout lightly. He needs the chance to relax, like I am doing. He always seems to be on guard, ready for any threat to attack.

He takes the hint and lays down beside me, but keeps looking around the area, scanning for any unwanted guests. Knowing that him lying down is as good as it is going to get, I close my eyes, enjoying the heat of his body near mine.

The sparks are still prevalent, always there to remind me of our bond. I honestly don't think I could ever forget our bond, his heated gaze pops up in my head every time I close my eyes. The looks he always gives me when he doesn't notice me watching make me feel reassured that he wants me.

I've always been insecure, never thinking I am good enough. But it feels different with Niko. I feel comfortable around him, even though it is only the third day of knowing him. Most mates would have completed the bond by now, but we are both hiding so much that needs to be shared.

With how I feel around him, I don't know if I can keep my secrets held in. Hiding them away has been the best way for me to deal with the pain they caused, but with Niko, he makes me want to feel.

He makes me want to feel every bit of emotion that I have been keeping buried inside of me. I just want to let it out, but I know that once I do, I will never be the same again.

My world would come crashing down if I face my inner demons, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I would break.

But once I am ready, I just hope Niko can help me pick up the pieces.