When Good Girls Go Bad

A/N I hope people read this. Comment to let me know if I should continue. This is the unedited version.

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I couldn’t take it anymore. This was the last straw and it was going to end today. No more teasing, no more abuse, no more betrayal, no more heartbreak. I was staring down the calm waters below; it seemed like it was inviting me...even begging me to jump in, as it swished and swirled around the few, large jagged rocks. A fresh set of tears filled my eyes as I thought of how utterly alone I was, from the moment I’d been born sixteen years ago to now. I’m sure no one would even care about whether or not I was dead.

“If you’re going to jump then just do it already.” I heard a voice say in a rather bored tone. I thought I was alone. I let out a gasp as I  turned to see a girl sitting beneath the Oak tree behind me, her legs folded lazily and a cigarette hanging from her full, red lips. “Go on then. Jump!”

A loud sob escaped my lips as I turned back to the welcoming ocean; even this stranger was urging me to kill myself. A waterfall of tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t contain myself. But how could I? My knees buckled as I continued to cry more; all the pain and sadness I tried to keep locked up seemed to be forcing their way out all at once.

“Why? Why me? What did I do to deserve any of this?” I was talking to myself now; I was sure that the girl had already disappeared. “I’ve always tried to be a good girl; I always tried to be helpful, got good grades and stayed out of trouble...so why?” I huddled over as all the insults and tortured rushed to my mind. “Everyone hates me, my mother doesn’t have time for me. I’m always bullied in school. I’m fat and ugly, and I deserve to die. I’ll finally be doing something worthwhile.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such a sad story.” My eyes widened in surprise; she was still there. I turned around once more and sure enough she was. The girl with the striking blue eyes stood up and dropped her cigarette to the ground before grinding it with her converse clad foot. “ Listen, girly, I’ve seen you here before. Mostly everyday after school you come here and just cry and complain about your life. Life shouldn’t belong to people like you, who are too spineless to stand up for something!  If you’re not going to do something about it then you should just jump.”

I could feel myself slowly becoming numb. This must be a sign from God - my life was useless and now was the time to end it. I stood up, feeling a sense of peace and emptiness. I walked towards the very edge of the cliff. I watched for as pieces of rock fell to the waiting ocean. I closed my eyes, ready to take the fall. I thought back to the horrible day I’d had which had set the course for where I was now.

*

Even in my dreams I couldn’t escape the torture. They were all there, laughing and jeering. Fat! Ugly! Whore! The words were swimming around me, threatening to choke me. I was kneeling on the ground as I tried to reach out for help, but everyone only backed away from me as though I was a diseased destitute. Then the crowded of persecutors parted and I could see her standing in the distance. I couldn’t make out her face as her back was turned towards me but I instantly recognized the mane of auburn hair.

She turned around to face me, arms folded. Her eyes bore into mine as she stared at me for what seemed like eternity; I could feel the hatred burning in her eyes. “Get up.” I shook my head, unable to do as she wanted. She stalked closer to me, and I drew back with each step she took.“Get up!” I could feel tears pricking at the corner of my eyes as she raised her hand towards me.  “Damnit, Amari, get up!”

I jolted upright as I felt a cold liquid drench my face. I wiped my face as I looked around in confusion. I was back in my room, with my mother who was placing an empty cup on my desk across the room. Only my mother would think this was the easiest and fastest way to wake someone. Well, I should at least appreciate those rare moments when she remembers I exist...