Shelter of Ice

Chapter 1. Ayaana: 'Watch'

I am on the first watch this evening. After a long moving process, it is refreshing, I'd say... To feel cold breeze. And silence. Unlike in the retreat. Now we hide in the fields. Moving north, closer to tundra. Worst part is that the woods are starting to become thinner. The closer we get to the north, the more exposed I feel. Even right now...we can be spotted from further than ever.

Behind me I hear movement. A figure stands near, maybe 10 meters from me. Without looking I know that it is our father. My shift ended too soon, I'm not ready to go back inside.

"Anything?" he whispers. I thing his voice is a bit different than usual. Is it trembling? Maybe.

"Clear so far" I say without looking at him. I was right. Something is wrong. In general, I know that everything is wrong at the moment, but something is wrong with him.

"You can go rest." Now I know what. He is crying. I never saw him do that. I - I don't know what to do... I understand why he is sad - his only son, his last son that survived, shows no signs of life. The bare minimum what Vidak can do is breath. I do not think that other parts of the attack matter to our father as much. To think that in the last year we lost 16 people, and only now I see him genuinely sorrow.

Either way, it is not my place to judge. I linger for few minutes more, just to understand - will he be able to be on a look out at all this evening. Soon enough he wipes his face, and in a couple more minutes his breathing is back to normal. This is my cue to leave.

Seconds as I get inside our - so called - under the ground hideout, I remember why I'd rather stay on the watch. People. I know that they are my family, my group. But the atmosphere here just stinks with death and anger... Near a tiny bonfire lies our brother, Vidak. Still looks dead. Of course, our mother crouched besides him. Ever since Vidak fell into this coma, she aged ten or twenty years. If this situation will not change, she will look as dead as her son. On the right side, and way further away from the fire lies our sister...and "the boy that followed her home". This guy appeared as a beggar some time ago. No group of his own. To this day this raises my suspicions of him. But it's none of my problem, it seems. My sister likes this person, and there is no way of getting rid of him. Oh joy... Still no one notices that I walked in, so I proceed to quietly move to my bed-bag, if you can call it so.

Aaaand I've been noticed. By mother. Great. The eye contact is made.

"How -" I try to ask but she interrupts...

"Like you care" Hedva spits. It sounded almost like a feline hiss. Well, I guess I will never be forgiven by her. But I agree, I do not care that much. Vidak is a burden now, and I will stand by my words that we should spare him, kill him, make a proper funeral for him. But most importantly - survive. But again - it is a no-go for this family.

I proceed to curl up in my bed. And to show how unbothered I am by her anger, I do not turn around to face the wall, but stay facing her instead. I know that she feels me looking at her back. And I know that deep down she knows that there is no saving for her son.

With that thought I drift to sleep.