His brown eyes.
How I fell for those somber lovely brown eyes.
Dark hair you're mysterious you know?
I tend to run away from things that scare me, and you kind of scared me when I first met you, in like the best way possible. I thought to myself "wow this guy is something else." Thinking you'd never notice me. So I never took that chance the more I got to know you. You see. But even then and even now.
I still am madly in love with you.
I'm sorry you see for all the times I told you too much. And how
I distracted myself with men that treat me like shit.
Maybe you got pissed and thought fuck.
She doesn't have feelings for me.
But I felt like fuck he'll never have feelings for me again. Because I'm so far.
But I was oblivious I know.
I kept doubting you'd want me.
I don't doubt I want you.
Double negative right?
If I hate you
You hate me.
It's still a double negative.
I'm in love with you.
Not the shitty I just want the idea of you.
But the I just want you there in my presence.
Quietly playing a video game maybe. Or sitting in my car for hours. Just talking.
This time with you.
Not on the phone.
Just to be best friends with you like old times.
Can we go back back to how it was. Safe. Calm.
But my doubt got in the way I told you I doubted that'd you would stay. I told you we shouldn't be together.
When deeply I lied again.
I love you stupid.
Always have.
I balled in my car in August 2019.
I said I'm in love with you.
But I am always going to avoid you
When all I thought about was you.
You.
To drink cheap wine with you.
To drown our sorrows with sweet words telling how amazing it is.
To be okay.
You make me want to scream sometimes.
But I'm so in love with you.
I'm not afraid to say it.
I can't stop making my poems about you.
I just saw a Honda that looks just like yours in a chick fil a parking lot in Texas wishing I could teleport myself to where you are.
Crying deep inside thinking you'll never know.
How all the guys in the past mean nothing.
I love you.
More than the stars in the galaxy.
More than the words in my heart.
Which are too many to even say.
My heads a mess being without you.
I freak out.
I fucking love you.
I would never hate you truly.
And even if I say it and you think I mean it.
Believe me. I never meant those cruel words I said.
All we have is now.
If we run into one another.
Would you sit with me.
Maybe at a coffee shop in your hometown.
Would you sit with me?
Tell me you missed me.
Grab my hands as the door opens bringing in the brisk October air.
Tell me you will lasso the moon for me.
And then laugh like our tummy tickles over the silly jokes we make. Or like our ribs are about to split in two by the thought of the jokes we'd make.
Dance with you to silly music.
Forget all our woes in the past.
Stop calling.
Just be.
Together.
Best friends?
No strings.
Just love laughter and candid sunsets.
With your deep brown oval eyes staring into the distance reminiscing on all things warm and funny.
I want nothing generic you see.
I want extraordinary.
That my love is you.
Just......
You.
