Thursday 15th January 2015
Dear Diary
I don't know why but recently I have started to feel upset for no reason what so ever. Sometimes it's when I look at my old best friends having fun together and I miss not being there taking part, like I used to. I'm going to try and keep this anonymous even though practically no one will read this. Last year I have to say ended really badly to the point I felt like I hated life and didn't see the point of me being a part of it anymore. Around November time I began cutting myself and hiding everything I felt from others and keeping it all inside of me. I kinda think that made it worse but I thought that if I told anyone they would laugh at me. The reason why they are no longer my best friend is because Foxglove (not her real name. All the girls I will name after flowers and the boys after animals. Don't ask why) hacked my accounts and then blamed it on my other friend Orchid. Then when I found out it was her she said it was a joke. But to me, it wasn't. She was calling my friend Rose names on my account to make it look like I hated her. Rose is now my best friend and so is Lily. I think my life will be better now but its still hard. I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends Lilac, Orchid and Poppy because they are always with her. Also Foxgloves best friend Lotus keeps pretending to be nice but it just hurts more. Just before Christmas, someone who I thought was my friend, Lavender, turned out to hate me. She kept calling me names and when I told her to stop it she said sorry and that she had a few problems and she didn't realize she was doing it but it was all an act. She still hates me and practically never talks to me, I don't know how my life can get worse from here to be honest.
People always say to look towards the future and leave the past behind you so that's what I'm going to try and do. Whilst writing this I have realized that even though I lost a few friends, I gained even more. I have Rose and Lily who I talk to everyday and Kit Kat (sorry i have gone on to chocolate now but that's her nickname in school so) I also got a great new friend, Daisy, who I have a few lessons with and in most of them I sit either behind or in front of her so I can talk to her then. I also have Violet, you could say she is my bus buddy as she gets on my bus and she is who I sit next to when I can. Rose is always there when I need to talk to her but I find it hard to, I'm always scared about sounding stupid so I rarely ever tell anyone.
So, finally. I know its a bit late to do this but I couldn't think of anything for my New Years resolutions earlier other than to keep my bedroom tidy and I have already broken that one! So my 2015 New Years resolutions are:
1. To look to the future and forget about the past, the past always keeps you down
2. To talk to people when I need to and not to be scared about sounding stupid, if they laugh then they might not be good friends (unless it is something stupid your telling them)
3. To look and what I have and not what I don't. If you think about it you will most likely have more friends than you think.
4. Finally, to keep my bedroom tidy. I'm going to have a second shot at it and it most likey wont work so wish me luck!
From
Hannah
