The Phoenix and The Albatross

He promised he would never leave. Time after time after time. These words were so meaningful, so sweet, so real.

The look in his eyes. Those eyes. The whole wide world was hidden in those eyes. The freedom was living in those eyes. She. She was in his eyes, just as she was tattooed on his heart, right next to the Albatross. Right next to him.

The touch. So tender, so loving. So dangerous, hiding the desire and infinity. Skin to skin. Brush, light like a feather. His fingers running through her hair, releasing the scent that was definition of their love.

Was it all a lie? Or maybe a joke? Who knew that with the love so big the heart can so ferociously hurt? But even if they'd known, what would have it changed?

Most of all she was scared of the nights now. Not because of darkness, but because she would eventually have to close her eyes and see him leave over and over again. Reliving that moment was her curse. And all she could was to curse his name... in hope that he would come back. That he would show up with his casual confidence and the entire room would lighten up. She would lighten up...

The tears were endless. She'd cried a whole new ocean just for him and named it after him. After her life, after her soul, after her Can. And somehow that was the least and the most she could've done. But there is always a moment when you run out of tears, when you can't cry no more, when your body tells you to stop, trying to protect you. So now only her heart, or what was left of it, if anything at all, was overflooding with the invisible tears that wouldn't come out. Stubborn was all that they were. Just like she was. Just like he was.

He promised he would never leave. And there she was now replaying the words they'd said last. Replaying the steps he took to go away from her. Replaying him turning away from her. If only she could make it stop. The supercut that was pain itself. The heartbreak in its fullest.

The words they'd said last... Now there were no words left at all. There were people around her, trying to talk to her, to figure out what'd happened, to find out how she is. But it was always resultless, as even though she was physically there, she was still miles away from them. She couldn't distinguish what they were saying, couldn't focus on what was happening. She couldn't find the words. He was all her words. Now he was gone, so gone were her words.

'Leave'. That was the last word she was left with. She'd promised herself to cross it out of her vocabulary, out of all dictionaries in the world. In all languages, spoken or not, had she promised to make it vanish. But the irony is that what we try to forget the hardest, remains with us the best. Now it remained with her and she hated every sound that make this word, every letter used in it.

She didn't mean it. Said it in the heat of the moment and even then didn't mean it. Regretted it right away. Unfortunately, regrets cannot fix anything. But there was too much going on. Too much for too long. And what'd happened that night was the last drop. People might think they are the strongest, but there is always that much they can take without breaking. For a moment she felt like that. And that moment was enough.

Emptiness. Void. Call it what you want but that was all she was left with. It's like she was falling through black hole. All there was to distinguish is eternal sadness and ache. Still sometimes splashes of anger came along. She was angry. Angry at people who made them like this. Angry at herself. Angry at him. She remembered so well every single time he told her to leave. But just as well she remembered that she never did. No matter what it took to come to him, to stand in front of him, to try to fix things. No matter what or how long it took, she had never left. Never even considered it as an option. If there was something she knew all along, it was that you hold on to love so big, so strong, so real. Love comes with its hardships, but it comes only once so you are not letting it go. You don't give up on love. And she'd never given up on them. But he did.

Or maybe he didn't? There were moments when she felt sorry for herself, for him, for themselves. Maybe he was just tired. That was the thought that had came to her quite often. Maybe he was tired of constantly fighting for something that will only require even more fighting later. Maybe he was tired of arguing. Maybe he just felt tired... She felt so tired now.

Lost somewhere between dreams, memories and reality, she wanted to disappear. Turn to dust on the pages of a favorite book. Their book. But she knew if she could turn to anything right now, that would be ashes. Because this is what happens when two flames burn so fiercely. When love burns so bright. It all ends up in ashes, so she would be the ash of this love. And everyone around her knew, that she is the Phoenix. She would resurrect. Their love would come back to life. Only... it would take one Albatross to bring this Phoenix back to life.