How I got into spirituality/who I am

How it all started:

One of my students asked me "what do you do, how did you get here to this understanding?" in shock to think of this i quickly answered:
"what do I do? You ask. I work with spirituality..it all started when I 12. I used to have night mirrors. I used to have night mirrors where shadows would pull me into a black hole. My dad thought i was schizophrenic. My mom didn't know what to think. She believed me tho...she said "I don't see what you see, but I believe it's very real to you and I'll do everything I can to get rid of the shadows" so she took me to a healer/spiritual adviser. Their names where Tearie and Spring. They said I had 37,506,203 shadows/entities after me. They healed all of them and sent them to the light side. They asked me if I believed in magic, I said no. I used to believe in magic befor my dad I was crazy and unless I could prove that it was real, it was all in my head and there is no such thing and if I spoke about it I would be sent to the mental ward. And believing in my dads words, I told them I don't believe in magic. They asked me if I believed in angels. I told them I didn't think they where real but some part of me did. They asked me to put my hands together like this:

And my mom, Spring and Tearie did this. My uncle sat in a chair. We put our 2 fingers under his arm and under his knee. Spring said "try to lift him, and put in all your energy on this" and I was like "what?!? that's impossible! We can't lift him with just two fingers!" We tried and sure enough we could not. "Now we will meditate and ask our angels if they could help us" and we did. Sure enough we where able to lift my uncle a good 2 inches off the chair with the same 2 fingers! I asked them how is that possible. "Angels" they replied. Want to meet them? Knowing I was on a high frequency (befor i even knew) they said "close your eyes, and look at them through your third eye. Describe what you see, how they look and talk to them. Give them names. They want to be named and it will be easier for you to call upon them. After i finished in meeting 3 of the Angels, they told me I can call them any time I want. That they love to have fun, make you laugh, advice you the best they can, protect you and they are the first set of friends everyone is born with. They also told me I have 12 angels in total. And that they will distract me at times but they will want nothing but the best for me and they would always lead me in the right direction and guide me. That they will love me no matter what with no reason and that they will always be there. That was in 2008. My uncle told me "you'll remember this day for the rest of your life" sure enough I did. At the time (befor I went) I did not think it would matter much. But that day changed my life. I had a heard time in school, the last one picked, the one left out, everything would distract me. They told me "the reason why you have a heard time in school, get distracted a lot and the reason why your different is because your an indigo. They said it. To my face. They didn't even know me that well. They told me to do research on what indigo children are/crystal. At first I laughed it off and thought they where bullshitting me. As it turns out, over the years I looked into it, did research, and the more I found out about indigos the more I said "hey, that's me, that's who I am" and they hit the nail on the head. So what I am? An indigo.

And then around 2009-2010 I played around, drew, researched and learned about the pentagram.
Now most people mistaken me for a witch at that point and thought I was doing Devils work. When in reality I wanted to know what dose it do and what dose it symbolize. I knew it had to do with the elements but I wanted to know more. And then when I learned, my angels told me its a basic tool for astral projection. My computer was filled with pictures of pentagrams, I had a necklace of one, my sketch books had pages full of them and I really didn't know why at the time why I had such a pull towards them. My dad told me it was disrespectful to God to study it and that it was evil. After I looked into if it was (wanting to prove him wrong) I said "no it's not evil, you just don't understand and so you fear what you don't understand" and after everythig I told him he still said it was disrespectful to God and judaism. I told him "fuck religion, Idc! I don't believe in God and I want nothin to do with temple or anything ever again!" So what did he made do? He told me to read the bible and as long as I lived under his roof, to read and studied what he believed in and he explained how everyone in our family was Jewish and it was only the right thing to do. I read the bible and I would think "this is bullshit. If this is a scripture, it's probably rewritten a million times, over decades, by another's opinion, on how they think according to "religion" how people should worship God and telling millions of people how they think on how God wants them to live." But then I would look at Hebrew. And I thought there was something mystical about the writing. And I thought "there has to be a hidden meaning behind this language and each letter" (without having ANY knowledge about the tree of life) I asked my angels if they could show me a map to what they could mean. They showed me the tree of life.
They told me this picture was the answer to any of my questions about life and what was happening to me. And I didn't see any Hebrew on any picture or thing I found that represented the tree of life. I got mad and I said "I asked for a sign and for answers and you send me pictures?!? What dose this have to do with Hebrew?!?! What the hell?!?" And I found find this everywhere. In Jewish temples, chat websites, in stores...anywhere I went it followed. And I got really mad because I still didn't have the answer on how it had anything to do with Hebrew or judaism. Then I was like "fuck it!! Angels don't exist, God dose not exist and if I can't get ONE STUPID QUESTION ANSWERED THEN I GUESS THERE IS NONE!!" I went full blown atheist. And those where my darker years. The shadows convinced me I was a part of them, and even tho I took their word, some part of me did not believe that. And I would attract friends who had severe mental disorders, from there I started getting bullied and everyone around me treated me like I was evil when all i was, was confused as HELL. I didn't know what was evil and what was not. I didn't know if I was even a good person or meant to be here. I was so confused by people's beliefs and how they lived their lives to little to no thought everyday. It made no sense to me. Still doesn't. Everyone around me throughout 2010-2012 thougt I was bad. That i was a lying, psychotic,cheating, hating, bitch who was just out to make everyone look and feel bad. They called me a monster. And because I was told I was for so long, nonstop, everyday I began to believe it. I started cutting at age 15 and at first it was not that bad. But then around 16-17 it got really bad. Like I would do it everyday. Everyone told me "you don't belong here, your a mistake" my so called "friends" at the time didn't bother cheering me up or helping me. Except for Alora..she was the only person who helped and got me to see otherwise. But my "best friend" Harry at the time made me feel like a mistake, he would remind me of everything I did wrong and the only way I learned was by mistake and he would make me feel everything I ever said, did and every mistake I made was wrong and evil. I was a mess and the perfect disaster. Until one day I met someone. They asked me why I was so unhappy all the time and why I almost never smiled. I answered "because nobody is ever happy when I try to help them and everytime I do it gets me no where" they asked why it bothered me so much. I replied "because I want everyone to be happy because everyone deserves to experience happiness and to know love and feel it deep within" and they asked "ah but don't you have that same right?" "No.." I answered "I've made too many mistakes, I am a mistake, everything I've done is a mistake and im truly born here to serve and help others. Happiness is not part of my job and it should not matter to anyone" he replied "it dose matter. Don't you feel uneasy or unhappy if someone else is happy" I replied "yes but that's them..not me. I'm different" and he said "no your not. Your the same and a different part of them with a very big and important role that right now you won't believe but one day your grow understanding and you will learn what many others have taught me. And that is we are one." I looked down and away. "Cheer up. Your mind is very important. I can give you seeds but it's up to you to grow flowers or weeds" sounding like poetry I looked at him with very hopful eyes thinking he has something to teach me. I asked him if he could teach me something sometime...he said he already did. I looked confused and I was like "what's your point?!? You say some fancy poetic words and tell me how to feel and then you walk away?!?" He answered "i haven't told you how you should feel, I just told you what you deserve and I gave you a present. You should know what to do with it. It's up to you to interpret what I just said/told you. My job here is done." I asked him if I was going to ever see him again. He said "no, your on your path, and we'll probably never see each other again." I asked "why" he said "because I'm just a messenger. I come around when someone needs help or advice. I don't stick around. I tell you what I need to hear then leave. As you need to learn to do the same" I looked down and said "I understand..." He said "good. Then keep your head up" and by the time I lifted my head up...he was gone. And out of my sight. I never saw or ran into him again. Exactly like he said. So u turned around and thought long and hard what he said. I isolated myself, meditate on it and asked my friends. They didn't have a clue. Neither did i.

In 2009 I met this girl. Her name was Curtez. She was 12. She asked me "why do you let people, friends, society and people who truly don't understand or get you, try to define you as who you are and make you think otherwise. I replied "I don't know...I guess I just want to fit in.." She said "didn't you know fitting in is a bad thing? It means your like all the rest. And they aren't gonna change the world by all acting, looking and talking the same with the same ideas. It takes 1 person to think differently and be a trendsetter" from there I started designing cloths, making new outfits and trends. And people looked at me differently because they didn't liked how I fit in. So I wore a rainbow outfit to rebel against the normal. For a whole year. I told her "you know, it's a lot of work to be different and change the world" and she said "well do you want to be like all the rest?" I replied "no, never!" She said "ok. Now remember that everytime you feel like giving up." And that was always enough to drive my soul.
I am a indigo. I strive to be different. I like being the example.

So ever since certain people came into my life, I've been different. Very different. As the years pass I start to look at myself more fondly then befor. I realize I've gone through a lot and respect that. So with the knowledge that I've collected/gained over the years, I constantly teach others. What I know, and I relate to almost everyone. Everyone is my teacher as everyone is my student and we are all the same, we just have higher positions then others. And somehow or another, if they don't help me I always end up helping them. One way or another. There 2 reasons why people come into my life. 1) I have something to teach them/help them with.
2) they have something to teach me/help me with.
It's always been that way. When I see
You..I see a reflection of me. So I treat you with the up most respect because I know that's how I want to be treated.
So what I do? You may ask. I am a messenger/ earth angel. I come in at exactly the right time. You find me when you need me the most. I give you messages, words and help when you need it most. That's just how I am. And depending on who you are, you have 2 choices. 1) take what I give you and walk away or 2) stay and keep me company as we learn together.
That's just how I roll. That's just who I am. And nobody can ever change that. And the same way I do that to others, they do to me. It's either I meet a person or friend because they have something to teach me or I have something to teach them. That's just how it works. And that's how it's always been for me.

And over time I've always been active in spirituality and constantly learning,researching, studying or helping others with something. That's been my life. That's me. Everyday.

So you ask me how I got into spirituality. I say I don't know. I guess I was born with it. Even tho my background is Judaism I've always believed there was something more then what meets the eye. And the more I dive deep into secrets, the law of attraction and learning how things work, the more I realized I've been right all along. Like the sea, it can look shallow to the people who've never been in water and they can come close to it. But until they learn how to dive and been inside the ocean, they never once realized how deep the ocean is. They can study about it but until they been in it, they will never really know what the ocean truly is.

So what do I do? You may ask. I am a teacher/student of life and spirituality. I am an indigo. I am a messenger. I am a healer. I am a earth angel. I was sent here to fix what's broken (metaphorically speaking) to teach others and to love them for who they are. And I am a person you'll meet when you need me most or when you have something to teach me. I'm just simply walking my path and teaching to whom dose not know, and learning from those who do know. That's what I do. That's who I am. That's how I am. And you can tell me this story/my life is bullshit. But you know what? I've never seen it as bullshit. I've always seen it as magical nonsense that nobody understands. And that's fine if nobody understands my path or who I am. They don't need to. It's not their path too. If they want to I'll teach them but it's to each their own.

And that's how I'm into spirituality.