Shadows and Stars ✔

Chapter Seventy Six

We knew what was under the surface, and lived like it wouldn't hurt us.

But it hurt us.

~

I know that the air is mind-numbingly bitter. But my body is already numb, so I don't feel the pain.

Just the pain of a shattered heart.

I walk aimlessly, tears pouring down my face as I try to come to terms with everything. But the more I think, the more my mind blurs into a cloud of darkness.

It's too hard. It's all too hard.

I can barely breathe, inhaling and exhaling continuously as I allow my feet to guide me through the darkness of the city without my brain to help navigate and, truthfully, I have no idea where I'm going.

I swallow my sobs, edging past a group of tourists. When I find myself back out by the river, I sigh, because I've walked in a complete circle.

I look to where Grayson's car was parked, my throat swelling at the empty space in front of me—a reflection of his now sudden absence from my life.
I try my upmost hardest to stay strong; to convince myself that this is what's meant to be, but deep down I know that Grayson and I had something too special to throw away.

Or at least I thought that was the case.

I stalk to the edge of the river, letting my bags fall to the floor. Leaning my fragile body against the wall, I stare into the dark water below; the colour mirroring my current state of emotions.

I start to think that this pain won't fade, ever.

I watch the slow riverboats pass, my mind taken back to when Grayson and I spent a night on one. Back when we were just getting to know each other—back when we were happy.

I think about how he made me feel like the most special girl in the world during our time together; surprising me with the beautiful white dress; shielding me from the cold with his jacket; confirming his feelings to me in the most passionate, loving way possible, and telling me that he loved me in the most perfect setting. Aside from Grayson's secret life, our story couldn't have been more like a fairy-tale.

But it's his secret life and his self-doubt that's damaged the happy ending that could have been.

It's ironic really, because despite the fact that Grayson is mixed up in all of this, he was like a drug to me; my addiction, my pleasure and my pain.

And now I'll be on the biggest comedown of my life.

One that I will have to fight on my own.

Lifeless and defeated, I bring my view to the starry sky above me. My vision is blurred, causing the stars to outstretch at their edges.

But I remember this view, from the night Grayson took me on the London Eye—the first night we shared a kiss.

My heart pulsates at the memory. I place my shaking fingers to the charm of my necklace as I relive it, pulling Grayson's hoodie higher up my neck to hold on to anything that I have left of him.

Because if I don't, the memories hurt too much.

I know that what Grayson is doing is wrong, and I know he has his flaws. But so do I. And I can't help but think that, despite everything that's happened between us, we still have something worth fighting for.

Because through all of Grayson's many shadows, there was always stars.