Contest Entries

Billy Loses it and Saves the World - The Duoabble

One afternoon, Father Rourke sat me down for a long talk about the birds and the bees. I was going into the 11th grade and he told me it was a dangerous time in my life. His exact words were, “bad things will happen if you lose your holy flower before marriage”. Of course, I didn’t listen to him. It was 2015, listening to a priest was like listening to Robin Thicke…totally uncool.

That night, I met up with Louisa Zdzinski and she looked beautiful in her turtleneck and braces. After a few Mike’s Hard we made love while her parents were at the Robin Thicke concert. We fell asleep in each other’s arms. The flashing of lights and the sounds of sirens and screaming startled me awake. I ran outside and saw a large spaceship looming over dropping plasma bomb after plasma bomb onto the smoky city. A small fluorescent alien parachuted out of the vessel and landed in front of me. He pointed his ray gun at my face and started sniffing. “You smell terrible,” he said.

“Yes. Yes, I do,” I replied with a smirk. He smirked back. Three weeks later the intergalactic peace treaty was signed.