incandescent ²

17. constellation

a r d e n

it took a lot of convincing, but ren finally gave me her home address.

she's on my back, legs wrapped securely around my torso and her arms are basically choking my neck, but i'll live.

i know she's exhausted, and i don't blame her for it. she's stupid, though, making stupid decisions that could cost her her life. her head isn't bleeding as much as it was before. i'd torn a piece of my shirt and used it to wrap it.

it's not the best idea, but it keeps the blood where it should be.

"how do you feel?" my voice sounds hoarse and i cough to clear my throat. she could be asleep and i wouldn't know.

there's no answer, so i jiggle her body a bit, but not so much that it's enough to wake her if she's asleep.

"i'm here," she mutters.

i smile.

we're already close to her house, just one more turn and we'll be on her street, but my mind's occupied with other things.

for one, how'll she get in? and then. . .

"if i were to ask you to be my girlfriend for as long as you're gonna be here, would you say no?" i bite down hard on my bottom lip.

i should not have said that.

she moans and shifts to the side. "no."

"no as in?"

"no, i wouldn't say no."

oh. my face heats up and a giddy expression overtakes.

"i'm glad to hear that you're not trying to deprive yourself of teenager-hood."

"arden." she pats my hair three times. "we're almost at mine, but i don't think i can climb up to the balcony tonight." yeah, she sounds very tired.

my eyes almost pop out. "you climb the walls? what, like some kind of arachnid?"

she laughs. "not exactly, but i guess. it's not a huge deal, though, i do it to keep in shape."

i'd facepalm if i wasn't using my hands to grip her legs.

that sounds awfully nasty.

"if you can manage," i pause.

i know she can't manage. she can't even stand, so she's definitely not gonna make it --- unless she does something stupid, which by her nature, isn't too far fetched --- but i'll ask anyway.

"i want to see you tomorrow. the games are off, kinda. you don't have to attend them if you can't. okay?"

she murmurs a yeah.

"i'll most likely sleep or the next few days," she says. "mom's gonna hook me up to this crazy machine that's actually kinda cool, but annoying, and faye's gonna have me on watch two-four-seven."

"faye?"

"my littler sister. she's not that much littler, about a year younger at most." she lifts her head up but it falls back down again.

"i think we're here."

she turns her head so that she can see what i see. "yeah, here's it."

"okay." i gently release her legs and she slides off my back, refusing to let me go.

it's probably because she doesn't want to fall.

"how'll you get in?" i ask. she parts her lips to answer but i cut in before she can. "don't even think about climbing the walls."

she shakes her head. all her movements look sloppy and jelly-like. it's like she's a boneless blob that just so happens to resemble a human.

she crouches and picks up a rock, aiming it at a window on the first storey. the way she's staring daggers into the window, concentration evident on her face, it's cute.

"i think we'd have better luck if i threw the stone," i say, moving to take it from her.

"yeah, but then i'd feel uselesser."

"that's not a word." i quickly remove the stone from her hold and toss it before she can register what's happening.

"fuck it, arden. fuck you." she attempts to punch me, but she can't, and even if she could, it wouldn't take a lot to stop her.

i can see the pain in her eyes, and it's breaking my heart.

she wipes the area under her eyes with her sleeve. "kiss me hard before you go," she whispers, clinging tighter than before.

actually, i can't tell who's holding onto who, but i'm kissing her again — because she asked — and pulling her closer, hands around her waist — it's a tight hug, too tight, but i don't want to let go.

fuck, she's biting my lip again.

from the corner of my eye, i see the front door creak open by a fraction, before it's completely thrown open. a girl steps out, clad in matching pajamas.

that's probably faye.

but i don't want to leave ren, not yet. not ever.

she smells like apples, the red kind, and her scent is more intoxicating than any drink i've ever had.

i'd tug at her hair if i wasn't scared of it falling off.

she's suffocating, sadly, and i wish i could be the air she requires to breathe, but i'm human and definitely not an oxygen tank — which really sucks because i'd give the world to be her lifeline — and my grip loosens.

what a terrible time to be in love.

"i have to go now," she whispers faintly in my ear.

i want to remember this moment forever — forever — but i won't, because i'm cursed, just as she is, but we have different curses upon our heads, ones that were made to prevent a relationship from blossoming.

i meet her, she dies, i forget she ever existed. it's written in the stars, and it's the cruelest love story there is. probably the saddest one, too.

worst part is, there's no changing it. we're not meant to be, and that's that.

maybe we are, but we're not meant to last.

"the heavens hate us," i whisper harshly. "but it'll be okay."

she smiles and places a final kiss on the crook of my neck before dragging herself to the door where her sister's waiting.

i look away. i don't want to see her struggling to move her body.

even if i forget, it's gonna hurt like hell when she leaves.

+++
a/n

well then :3
i think this was a sad chapter
sorry about that?

enjoy your day!