Animal Inside Me

By: Gennipher Ella Patterson

It began with an itch, like it always did.

It was extreme and irritable.

The itch came from inside my skin and no amount of scratching would ease it; so I didn't try to. It wouldn't be long before the annoying irritant would begin to spread from my palms to my inner elbows, than to my shoulders; almost like tiny little bugs moving around in my skin as the they burrowed themselves deeper and deeper into my flesh, into my organs.

Oh, how I wanted to scratch. How I wanted Moon to stop her monthly tortures.

I curled my fingers into my still itchy palms and refused to scratch them. I knew this was just the first warning from Moon and she would quickly increase her fighting. I knew Moon’s temper and technique to try to get me to give in, I knew her like I knew my human side; but I refused. I've been fighting her since I was a child and I wasn't going to stop now.

Just as quickly as I predicted, the itch moved to behind my knees, my back, my neck and everywhere else where it would be impossible for me to reach; even if I wanted to scratch, and the irritably and force became stronger.

Fiercer.

My human instincts begged me to scratch, but I was much more stubborn than Moon could ever be.

Moon fought back harder, like always. She spread the itch to the rest of my body; making my human instincts scream at me to relieve them of the annoying irritant.

I refused.

I refused to give in.

I refused to allow Moon the satisfaction that she may be winning, urging me to give up and let her take over my actions.

I closed my eyes and began to breathe, doing my best to stop thinking about what was happening within my mind; within my body.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Think of how freshly baked chocolate chip cookies smelt when they just get taken out of the oven.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Think about how Sawyer's smile seemed to light up the classroom whenever he saw me walk in.

Breath in.

Breath out.

A growing growl began in my head and with each moment that passed, the growling got louder and louder.

Fiercer and fiercer.

Angrier and angrier. 

I shut my eyes tighter and brought my hands up to my hair, making my fingers curl around my silvery locks; getting ready to pull them out in case the fight suddenly began to become dirtier.

Oh, I wanted Moon to stop, and let me enjoy the night in peace. I had a test tomorrow and I needed rest for it.

As the growling grew, my sensation of the human world grew fainter and fainter. My brother's loud music slowly began to fade, leaving me to battle my wolf alone. Moon’s growling quickly filled my head, making it pulse and throb like a horrible migraine. Moon was playing dirty; she was pissed off.

No!

No Moon. I won’t let you win. I won’t let you take over!

I won’t be a monster. Not tonight, not any other night either!

I won’t kill, just so you can come out of the cage where I trapped you in.

I'd rather die, than release you on all those innocent people.

Grrrrroooowwwlllll.

Her snarl echoed inside my pounding skull.

Stop it Moon!

I’ll swallow a wolfsbane pill, I swear I will. 

Grrrrrrrooowwwlllllll.

No. Quiet you mangy beast!

I pressed my sharp claw-like nails into my scalp, as if that would ease the pain and make her shut up.

GRRRRRRRROOOOOWWWWWLLLLLL!!!!!!!

It didn't.

Ugh, she was splitting my brain into pieces and it incredibly painful.

I snapped my eyes open and quickly hurried to my dresser to grab the orange see-through bottle. I wrestled with both the top and my wolf. I struggled before I got the top off and dumped two pills into my still itchy palm. I threw my head back and shoved the pills down my throat.

I told you that I would swallow the pills, I swore that I would if you didn't stop. You brought this on yourself, you mangy mutt.

Now stay quiet!

I laid on top of my bed, waiting for the wolfsbane to kick in. Waiting for Moon to submit to me; rather than the other way around. It was a hard fight, wolf against human.

Predator against prey.

She fought hard against the pills; like she always did.

She snarled louder.

She tightened the skin around my bones; threatening to break them in the process.

She curled my intestines and crushed my liver to make room for her form.

I wanted to cry out, let my family know how much agony I was in but I didn't let myself. I knew they wouldn't understand why I was putting myself through this pain in the first place. They didn't understand about humanity and what it could make you become. I was alone.

Moon's growling began to fade though, as my brother’s heavy metal music from the other side of the pulsing wall began to get louder and louder. I was coming back to human reality. To safety and it felt great. I could have almost sigh with relief but I didn't. I need to stay guarded, just in case Moon used that opportunity for a surprise attack.

My eyes began to droop, my energy draining. I didn't know if it was because of the pills or from fighting against my wolf. I was going weaker and weaker. Every time I fought against the wolf inside of me, I lost energy that would one day be gone for good. My siblings and parents keep begging me to let go, release my beast from within; but just like I did with Moon, I fought against them too. I was human more times than I was a wolf, and I embraced my human side more than they did.

I didn't want to hurt anyone, unlike Moon. She took out her anger out on anything the moved and pumped blood through their veins. Whenever Moon got close to taking over, I felt how strongly she wanted to vent out her anger from being locked in such a weak form out on others; the innocent human species.

I wanted to eat more chocolate chip cookies than I should.

I wanted to smell the glue bound pages of books in the library.

I wanted to see Sawyer's smile again or feel his lips on mine when we finally kissed for the first time.

I knew that my human body grew weaker and weaker every day I fought against Moon, fighting her made me paler and paler; sicker and sicker---it wouldn't be long until my energy left me completely, leaving me lifeless in my bedroom. Sometimes I was hoped that my energy to run out, and let both me and the animal inside me die; just so I didn't have to fight back against her so hard.

I had won this fight, but the battle against my wolf side was just beginning.

But I was going to keep fighting against Moon.

I was going to keep her trapped inside me  until I died---and I was okay with that, just as long as she wasn't released again.

I' was going to keep fighting to say human.

Or die trying.

THE END.