She never really fit in; like actually fit in. She was always the "tag along" girl. No one actually knew what was wrong with her. And know one really knew her. But, they all acted as if they did. She's about fed up; with the kids at school, problems at home, and not having friends like the old days.
"LanMan, wait up!" I yelled as I gasped for air trying to catch up for class.
He always waited for me for class. I'll never forget the time that we were sitting on the bleachers in 7th grade and I had a small torn hole in the knee of my pants; he wouldn't stop playing with it. I remember we'd always play basketball, act like little kids, wrestle, and have our long talks. Just the night before, weeks before, for a year now we had liked eachother. It was a great feeling liking your best friend.
"Who likes short shorts?" Landon sang.
"I like short shorts!" me and Jasper joined.
Jasper was my other good friend. He was the one who always kept to himself. He's a lot like me. Well, the bell rang and we all walked to our 5th hour and Landon went to track and field; while Jasper went to tennis and I went to science. I couldn't wait for the hour to be over because Landon always gave me hugs after this hour. There wasn't a day that he didn't. The bell rang, and there he was, by the door; about to give me a hug. I was way to happy. For some reason that hug had more meaning than any other. He said it did too. We went to our 6th hours and finished up the day.
Then Landon yelled joyfully "Bye, I love you so much!"
"I love you too LanMan!" I replied with a huge smile on my face.
I walked home from school and my mom called me yelling as the usual. Things weren't so bad then. I asked if I could just go to Cindy's and stay the night cause I didn't wanna listen to her grype all night. Incase you were wondering, Cindy is my bestfriend and she has been since kindergarden. I would consider her family my family. I call her mom and dad my mom and dad. Since you know, my family hates me.
December 10, 2012... Friday night I got a message from a girl on Facebook who doesn't like me at all saying "Landon got shot."
"Yeah, okay. That's a sick joke." I replied.
She instantly replied and said "I'm not joking!!!"
It was kind of a ringing in my ears and a numbness in my body. I collapsed to the floor in Cindys lap and cried for hours. I had about 30 missed calls from all my friends. I called my grandma and she told me what happened and let me know that it was all real. I knew my dad wouldn't care but he's been through something simular so I figured I'd give it a try. He kinda just laughed; I guess he was high. Whatever! That was probably the worst night of my life. I wont forget anything from that night. Including telling his best friend Steven, which broke my heart. Because why would they make me tell him, I was having a hard time too. Maybe I had the words to say it...
(At the funeral-burial)
Everyone was crying; but me, no. I was just sitting there with no tears at all. I had none left. Depressed I guess. It still hadn't clicked that it was real. That my best friend was dead. I looked over at Ashton to see if she was okay and the tears were already rolling down her face. I gave her a hug hoping it'd help, I knew it wouldn't cause I knew they'd never help me. Ashton is one of my only friends that's a girl. It's very rare for me to hangout with a girl. She was really torn up. Landon was going to be her half-brother. But since Landon died he became a drunk and left Ayla's mom and that went all to crap. So we head to the burial and I have a long letter I want to put in his casket so I search for his mom who hasn't even eaten since it happened; she looked weak and depressed. I felt sorry for her. She gave me her coat even though I told her to keep it. She didn't say much. I knew Landon and his mom were closer this year than they ever were. I grabbed a rose after they lowered his casket and they told me I couldn't put the letter in there because it was sealed casket because the shot wouned on the face. I was kind of upset. But happy because I wasn't sure if I wanted to see his face or not.
This is when I met John, my current best friend, the only one who's proved to me that not all people are going to fuck me over. We have so many great memories together. Let me introduce you to the family. George is John's annoying 16 year old brother who has a huge crush on me, but John does too. John gets very jelous and won't talk to me for a week. Ha-ha. P-nut is one of John's sisters, she's 6. And Mia she's 2. Oh, and Jordan, he's 22, hot, and too old. ha-ha. One day, one day! And Lori is the mom. She's awesome, I love her! Back to John, he's always had a thing for me and I know this because he sends me long messages telling me he's in love with me. And it's wierd because the guys usually say I'm one of the guys, not that I'm dating one of those guys. So, i just say no.
On July 17, Justin Grayson messaged me and we just kind of clicked from the start. And before I knew it I was spending every single day and every single minute possible with him. My favorite memory with him was the day we just layed in his room on a Saturday; all cuddled up. Wait, that was every night. Except one day, things went a bit further. He was always trying to have sex. But I never gave in, until then. Then, I got really really attatched. And he got what he wanted. But he left. I still think about him every day. Last time I got drunk I poured out my heart to him and since he is still in love with his EX girlfriend he went on about how I'll get over it. He's a dick. Maybe, just maybe I'll meet someone will be worth my time. He doesn't even give a shit.
Honestly, I just miss when I used to get high with my friends and go to parties and get wasted. Like that one time we "went to the movies for a birthda night." Yeah right. Totally went to a badass party and got wasted with Jordin, by the way she is my sister. She is 21. Ha-ha! I won't even get into that. But I will tell you about a time I got high with my friend, Avery. This is what I mean by being one of the guys. Because, it was me, Billy, Shawn, Avery, Andy, and some indian kid who is always there. We were smoking and got stoned. I made out with Andrea. It was wierd. She's bi-sexual by the way. We kinda just moved on from all the wierdness and forgot about it. Now we just hangout all the time as friends.
(To be continued about my mom and DHS)
