Sad Percy Jackson imagines

Is It Worth It?

Your POV

Living the life of a demigod is hard, but no one told me it would hurt more than just physically. Let's backtrack

A year ago I arrived at camp, I was unclaimed but I made friends, not close ones, but still people I thought I could depend on.

Luke Castellan was one of them. Honestly I looked up to him, he had determination, intelligence, and strength. He was what I wanted to become, in a way, he was my hero and idol. I was sort of a weak link, so to say, I wasn't the smartest or the strongest and at that point I was just barely surviving, but that's normal for a newbie, right?

Wrong.

We all had to learn to fight, to survive. I thought I can do it, but it as time went on it just became harder and harder to catch up.

As the months go on I see fellow campers going on quests, getting attention, sometimes even claimed. But I was left behind, I thought I could become stronger, maybe if I was determined enough I could be as great as Luke. Then after a couple of months I was offered a chance to become great but it would mean I would be on the wrong side. The side that wanted to destroy the gods. I was torn on which side to remain on, the side that would help me become stronger, become noticed, become as powerful as Luke or the side that had a few friends, a good teacher, and a neglectful parent.

I decided to join Kronos. Later on I learned that Luke was apparently the leader, I don't know why but for some reason it hurt me to find out my idol was not as good as I thought he was, but we're on the same side it shouldn't really matter, right? But it did as the days went on I became numb, I forgot how to smile, how to laugh, how to cry. The only thing that remained on my face was a blank expression. I don't even know who I am anymore, I didn't want to be on Kronos' side anymore, I want to go back to feeling something, anything, but I knew there was no going back. If I went back to camp I might be shunned, sent to the gods, or worse. killed, but at this point death seems better than living, death seemed better than anything.

So I left undetected. It was easier than expected since I was never actually used for anything, however I was trained to hide my scent, to sneak around, I was taught how to fight. But that's besides the point.

I looked for a place to stay, I wanted to go back to camp but I was afraid with what might happen to me.

After thinking for a while, I chose to go back to camp and talk to Chiron hoping he wouldn't be too mad and banish me. I actually missed seeing Chiron's face.

When I arrived he was very disappointed, I could see it in his eyes, I didn't have to explain a lot, he could tell why I came back. I hated seeing that he's disappointed in me, it hurt, but he still trained me, although, I think it was just a way for him to watch over me, but I guess it was better than nothing.

Things around other campers were awkward, to say the least. Most avoided me, others glared from a distance, but the worst of them were the ones that weren't afraid to fight me. I never fought back. I thought that I deserved it, after all I tried to betray the camp, their home.

After a while, I was able to prove myself trust worthy. Other campers started to talk to me, less people looked at me with scorn. Campers still fought me, not to hurt me, but for us to become stronger, to practice our strengths and weaknesses.

I slowly became myself again, but there is still a piece of me that is sad, a part of me that feels numb. I felt like I would never get that part of me back. But I met a camper a son of Demeter. We met unexpectedly, I had accidentally kicked a stone while walking by the lake and it hit him. I apologized, he said it was fine, and for the first time in a while I felt something with in me light up. A spark, the more time we spent, the more the spark grew into a flame, and he felt the same. Or so I thought.

As time flew he asked me on dates and we grew even closer than ever. But we also had to train, at this point everyone knew that we were going to have a war, I trained as hard as I can, so I won't loose him in the a battle, I wanted to be there for him during the fight, I wanted to protect him.

The day had arrived, the day that would decide, who is friend or foe, who would live or die, the day of the biggest battle. I was there for him, watching his back, I thought that he was watching mine, I thought that we would fight together. I shouldn't have been so naive. I saw him go to the other side, the side, the side I decided to leave. I was conflicted once again. I could fight for camp, a place I had just started to call home, or I could join them, where the person I loved was. I stayed by my home, I wanted to prove to myself I can me strong. So we fought, I tried to stay on defence but he forced me to go on offence, I stabbed him. I didn't mean to. I hit where his heart was. I saw the light fade from his eyes, a scowl on his face and his last words still haunt and hurt me. He said "I never loved you."

Back to the present

It's been weeks since that happened, but I still feel empty, cold. I still ask myself to this day, was it worth it? Joining the camp? Was living worth it? Even if you feel nothing? I don't want to feel this way. But when camp became my home once again, the feeling of warmth that I felt when he was with me, it was extinguished. I still remember our time together, but I'm scared that I'll never feel it again. Right now, I feel like I'm just a shell, a shell of who I used to be.

---------------------------
Author's Note:
Hi guys! I know I don't post much. It's because I'm not that much into the fandom anymore, and I'm not really a good writer. Anyways, I will take requests, you can just comment it wherever but it might take a while for me to respond or write it. Also I only write angst, if I haven't made that obvious yet. I hope you guys enjoy the stories. Once again I'm very sorry for the extremely slow and late updates. Have a nice day to all you readers <3