Crafting of destruction

Happy endings and rainbows

Have you ever been desperate to fall in love? Desperate enough to choose the love that would rip you apart? Desperate enough to witness happy endings and rainbows? It was during the summers of 2017, as faintly as I remember, I came home unknowing of the surprise that was waiting for me. 15th of may it was when I witnessed you, I would lie if I say I did not before but this time it was different. I first saw you during the early winters of 2015 and the sight of you never got of my mind. You were not that breathe taking but you were enough to take my breathe away. It's been five years since our first encounter and I still find it hard to come to the conclusion whether it was God's sign or coincidence because after that our encounter never came to an end until you decided to leave the town. A year went by and I did not hear a thing about you and then the summers arrived, Summers have always been the most exciting time of the year for me but who knew 2017 summer would hit different? I remember me not liking you enough but you had something, something different which would want me to explore. I came home and saw your message pop up on my screen. I wanted to scream and I guess I did which was silent enough for everybody to hear but loud enough to burst off my emotions. 15TH OF MAY, our story started, well that's what I believe. We started talking but it was just for a day. Never in my whole life I thought something which I felt so close to my heart would end so quickly. So, I gathered myself and moved forward until you decided to wish me on my birthday. It was my 16th birthday and what do you expect from a 16 year old kid? Unknowingly I fell for it again and even though that little wish gave me hope it was not enough for me as it ended too quickly this time too. Again I gathered the scattered pieces and as I decided to move on, your name popped up on my screen. I did not get super excited this time because you had the tendency to disappoint me everytime you dropped a text. But this time it had some kind of spark in it. We started talking about what would be gift our common friend on her birthday and who knew it would be the same day I would meet you for the first time. It was 9th of June and I was patiently waiting for you to come and finally the moment arrived when you came out of the lift and my heart jumped out of excitement. I did not wave you a hello and you probably thought I was ignoring you but believe me when I say I was too overwhelmed to even realise it was actually the reality. I acted like I was a stranger to you that night and came back home. It was that particular night when I felt butterflies for the first time and I remember fantasising about being in a fairytale with you. Being acted like a stranger to you had you all messed up and you were curious enough to text me up that night asking me about why I behaved like that and trust me that was plan. My plan to mess up with your brain enough, enough for you to notice me. That's how we started our journey and for long as I remember I soon enough realised that you were my crush since 2015 and it took me 5 years to actually have a conversation with you. But I guess that's what love is. Patience is what it desires.

It was during the late June 2017 when you asked me to hang out with you and I remember planning for my outfit five days prior to our meeting and the day arrived. I lied to my mother and went to meet you only to ignore you at first infront
of my friends. I knew that made you angry but that's what I do best and I somehow managed to make up your mind and take you to the cafe. The journey to the cafe was not easy. It literally made me make plan with perfect execution to come meet you without my friends knowing but it would have been worth it at the end. I knew it made you curious about why was I hiding you from everybody near me. I still wonder were you too dumb to realise or did you actually not care to realise to notice that it was the same friend group as that of your ex girlfriend. Even tho your ex girlfriend and I were not really of friends but we did had this principle of not dating our friends exes. Well, as smart of a person I'm the plan was perfectly executed and I escaped my friends and finally got to meet you. Our small unofficial sort of date was not that long but who knew we both had a surprise waiting for us the next day. The fact that we met soon spread to our respective schools and we were rumoured to be dating and honestly that rumoured made me shit my pants because as of an overthinker I'm and being into my teenage I thought you would break all ties with me but what you told me came to as a bombshell. You said " let's pretend to be dating" and even tho you said it so casually but you had no idea what those silly words meant to me. That sentence gave me little bubbles of emotions that I never felt before. Days went by and we not a day went by when we did not talk and finally came the day when you asked to come on date with you. I could see the desperateness in your eyes and you could never know how wanted you made me feel. As I recall, I recollect the memories how I had to miss school to go on a date with you, how I had to pled infront of my mother to not go to school and everything I had to do for you. I would have said it was the best evening of my life but little did I know what that evening had in store for me.

I come back home like those little birds whose chirping you would hear every morning. The jars of happiness I had stored for years were finally about to open when I hear the notification and see your name popped up on my screen, " I'm leaving tomorrow, won't be able to come back until Christmas" and I could hear the same jars of happiness being broken into pieces...