Sixto Axel Velasquez

Kabanata 33

Nasa kwarto na kami ni Lauro, we're occupying one of Sais guest rooms. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi parin ako makapaniwala na nandito na si Lauro. My world changed again.

Tahimik ako habang inaayos ang mga damit ni Lauro. I guess this is really the end. Kailangan na naming gumising sa katotohanan na hindi talaga kami pwede.

''We should move after Hazel's operation'' he said. Napatigil ako sa pagtitklop.

I turned to him. Nasa loob ako ng walk-in, habang siya naman ay kakalabas lang ng banyo. Galing sa paligo.

''Yeah...'' iyon lang naisagot ko.

Ewan ko ba pero parang ang sama at bigat ng pakiramdam ko ngayon. Naging tahimik lang kami hanggang sa matapos ako sa ginagawa ko. Bumalik ako sa kama at sumandal sa Headboard. I am sighing so deeply.

Sometimes, people who you love are the ones who are complicated to love because they are the ones who are forbidden for you. I want to ask God something. Why must love be this hard?

Lumubog ang kama dahil sa pagtabi sa akin ni Lauro. He crawled beside me and hugged me tightly. He kissed my shoulder. I closed my eyes as the guilt of cheating humped me inside. Pumasok kaagad sa puso ko ang palaging katagang nagpipigil sa akin. Lauro doesn't deserve to be cheated. He's too kind to us.

''Are you okay?'' he asked worriedly.

I smiled and nodded.

''I--I'm okay. Just a little headache. Napagod lang yata'' sagot ko sa kanya. He chuckled.

''I know you're tired. Ikaw na yata ang nag-asikaso sa aming lahat. I really missed you and our children. Gusto ko ng mabuo ang pamilya natin na tayo lang'' he said, which made me frown. Pakiramdam ko kasi ayaw niyang makasama ng mga anak ko ang totoong ama ng mga ito.

''Sais is their father'' I said. Out of nowhere.

Tumaas ang dalawa niyang kilay like. Okay, he's agreeing with me. ''I know, I just want to have time with my family. Tinapos ko ang lahat ng trabaho ko for our family. I don't want us to be far away from each other again" aniya.

Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang umuo. Mas binabagabag pa ako ng konsensiya ko.

I think I need to let go and continue my life with my husband. Tama na... Alam kong tapos na ang kasiyahan ko. Ayaw kong masaktan si Lauro kahit alam kong hindi-hindi ako magiging kompleto.

Naputol ang pag-uusap namin ng may kumatok at pumasok sa kwarto. It's Issa. She is holding her teddy bear while going inside.

''Hello, Mamay and Papay'' sabi niya at umakyat sa kama namin ni Lauro. Pumagitna agad siya sa amin. Nagtataka ako kung bakit nandito siya. Diba dapat katabi siya ngayon ni Sais?

This is Sais's idea. Papaalis na sana kami ni Lauro, to go home to Lauro's house here in Manila, pero pinigilan kaagad kami ni Sais. He wanted us to stay for Hazel. Lauro agreed. Gustong-gusto kong lumipat sa totoo lang dahil alam kong pareho kami ni Sais na masasaktan sa desisyon na ito.

We are in the same house but on different paths.

This is my fault.

Kung sana ay hindi na pinalalim ang anong meron sa amin ni Sais, ay sana hindi ko na siya nasaktan. I saw the pain in his eyes earlier while he was looking at us.

''Princess, why are you here? Where's your Papa Sais?'' tanong ni Lauro. It's already eleven in the evening.

Issa shrugged. ''I just woke up. Papa is not beside me; he is gone. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan siya but I heard him earlier talking on the phone'' My daughter said that caught my attention. ''Hazel's Doctor. Your friend Mamay, si Tita Diane'' sagot niya sa akin.