journal of reality

love?

People always say love cannot be described. I totally understand that, but I never personally understood. Until now, that is. I fell. I fell so far in love and it was the best feeling in the world. My mind and heart were racing, each trying to be faster than the other. They felt like the only thing that would ever be important in the world. They were my safe place, my everything. I only had to think about them and I was flying. The adrenaline that surged through my veins was like running a marathon times 100. I felt like it would never end.

And then it did.

I felt like my whole world came crashing down and all the debris feel on me. I doubted my feelings. I doubted my thoughts. I doubted myself, and it brought me down. I felt worthless and weak. Nothing seemed right. Was it really over? I really thought it had been love.

Then I realized, maybe it had been love. I know I definitely felt something. But even being in love can end. And when I finally realized that, I was at peace.

And then chaos returned.

Shit. I feel something. I feel something strong and it feels like love. But I can't tell if it's the kind of love I think it is. I feel it, that I know. And I know I feel it strongly. But I don't know if I love them strongly and platonically or if I'm falling in love. It's driving me insane and I don't know what to think.

I guess I'm going to have to let it play out and see what happens. Maybe I'm never really going to understand what love is.