Wrap Your Arms Around Me (merdred)

13. Confiding

    HE HADN'T TALKED TO GWEN IN AGES. She no longer slept in the king's room, Merlin didn't know why, but because of this, he was never able to see her. Of course, he still talked to her and her husband did as well, but it was hard to find her, especially when Merlin had so much to do all in one day.

The warlock knocked on her chambers, hoping the beautiful lady was there. His wish came true a few moments later when he heard a, "come in!" He pushed the doors open and Gwen turned his way immediately with a big grin on her face, "Merlin!" She exclaimed and reached her arms out.

Merlin fell into the hug, wrapping his arms around her torso. "I've missed you, Gwen," he mumbled. "It's been too long."

Gwen sighed happily and took Merlin's hand, pulling him to her bed. They sat down, facing each other, still grinning like idiots. "Oh, I know, Merls. I'm sorry, I've been so busy. Being Queen is harder than I thought. I just have so many more responsibilities. Even though my work as a servant was extremely tiring, I didn't have a whole kingdom that depended on me as I do now."

Merlin nodded his head in complete understanding. "What happened anyway? You and Arthur aren't living in the same chambers anymore. It was so sudden and every time I ask him about it, he closes up. Did you two have a fight?"

"Not a fight, per se, more of a misunderstanding. Dear God, you know how the man is, how difficult he can be sometimes. We just disagree on so many things and most of it doesn't even matter. Arthur loved his father, even though they had their troubles, and he wants Camelot to live on in his name but so many things Uther did were terrible. It's hard for me to stand by his side when we have such different views."

"What don't you agree with?"

Gwen sighed, lying down on her pillow so she was flat on her back. "Many things," she reached for Merlin's hand and he gave it to her. She pulled him down so his head was resting on her chest. "Politics for starters. Racial issues are hard to bring up with him even though I know he's not a bad man. He just doesn't understand how privileged he is as a white male of high social class. Then, of course, magic... Don't even get me started on magic."

Merlin's ears had perked up at that. "Magic?"

Gwen began playing with his hair, taking a longer piece in the back and attempting to braid it. "Yes, I know. I shouldn't say such things, not in these times. But, Merlin, it can't all be bad, can it? I mean, the druids are so peaceful and some of them have magic that I know they would never abuse. Morgana was a different story. I truly believe that if she had known how to deal with it, she wouldn't have used it to hurt and cause so much pain." Gwen began to tear up a bit and Merlin took his thumb, brushing a single tear away. "Thank you."

"Arthur will never understand what you and I see. Magic isn't a weapon-- and it isn't evil. There is only evil in the hearts of men-- and women," he spoke sadly, knowing he could never truly tell Arthur who he was.

"You're very wise, Merlin. Arthur should be grateful to have you at his side." Merlin sent her a small smile in thanks. "Tell me about you. We haven't talked in ages and I feel like I know hardly anything about you anymore."

Merlin shrugged with a sigh. "My life is just confusing right now. I suppose it always is..."

"Are your nightmares bothering you again?" Gwen asked, worriedly.

"Not so much anymore. I've had a bit of help from someone so they're not too bad. Actually, I need your advice. You're a romantic, right?"

Gwen chuckled, "I suppose..."

"Well, I'm really confused. There's this person and I'm not sure how I feel about hi-them. They kissed me last night and at first, I didn't kiss back because I was scared. But when they kissed me again, I finally kissed back. It was the best feeling, Gwen. I've never felt so free and loved before. But I don't know what it means. At first, when we were just hugging and... cuddling, I thought we were just friends, you know, like you and me. I guess I didn't really think about what we were doing, I just did it and it wasn't until we kissed that I noticed a feeling inside of me. I don't know what it is and I'm frightened by it."