Dear Eina,
How are you in heaven my dear friend? It's been what? 6 years that you left us.....6 years passed but here I am still grieving. I can't accept the fact that you left me. Why you're so unfair, Eina? I love you.
Do you still remember on how we started being as a buddy, a best friend? Everytime I think how we started I can't help but burst out laughing. Because who wouldn't believe that we end up as a best friend? No one tho, but it happened.
Remember, Renz? My childhood friend who always wants to play with you because he can't play with me 'coz I'll always locked up in our house and I just watching you from our gate when you're having a fun time. Our others neighbors believe that I got jealous because Renz always with you. I wasn't really jealous because Renz is having a fun time with you but because I am jealous because you guys are free not like me.
I always ignore and even rolled my eyes to you when I see you at school. And even hate you when you laugh loud. Maybe that time I am insecure because everyone wants to be friend with you, unlike me.
My parents got disappointed when I had a low grade, the reason why Im in a middle section when I enrolled grade five. I know you are shocked that time because I used to in a star section (that's you called guys the section 1).
I've been silent for the half of the school year. They want to be friends with me but I isolate myself. One time when you got pissed you tear one part of my notebook. I'm holding my patience that time but when you throw that piece of paper in my face I lose because I chew my bubble gum and throw it away in your hair. You cried hard that time hahahaha. You had an instant hair cut. I remember your face! It's priceless!
That's when we start as a best friend. I won't go if you wouldn't go. I won't say yes if you wouldn't say yes first just like that. And when your sister gave a brand new shoes to you, I'm always the one who used it before you. That's why I am now addicted to shoes because of you. Hahaha
You used to call me L which I find it so boyish but you just said, "its unique". You call me that way but I call someone L. Remember, leo? You never believe that I have a crush on him because you always insist that I like Renz, wherein fact, you're the one who likes Renz. You're so jejeje. You even jealous with Leo when Leo address me as J. You said to him that he should stop calling me J because it's ugly. Ugly my ass. Hahahaha
When I was throw away in bicol because of my bad attitude you cried and don't want to let go of my hands that time. My heart really hurt seeing you cry because you are the only person that I treasured the most. My special best friend.
And when I get back, I am weak that time. I'm depressed because of my past relationship. That time you're also depressed. You are pressured by the people around you, Your Lola died, Your ate got a problem too and Your asshole boyfriend broke up with you. I said to myself that time "Tang ina, magkaibigan talaga tayo" . Tita decided to take you some sessions from the psychiatrist. You also took medicine.
You're really unfair, Eina! Why!? Because you didn't take seriously your sessions. I thought you are getting stronger, I thought you are okay but it's just a thought. When your session finished you always run to me and share what your session talks about. You share it to me like I was your patient also. You help me to stand up, you help me to get out of the dark. You've become my light, my savior.
While I am busy fixing and healing myself with the help of you, I didn't see that you are drowning. I'm sorry, my Eina. I hate it because you just meet your doctor just to help me not yourself. And I hate myself Eina because I feel like I used you, I feel like I took advantage of our friendship.
Why did you left me my dear friend? Why did you left, Eina? Why did you choose to end your life when I am here also to lift you up? Why you didn't tell me? I'm your bestfriend!
You always told me. "We're strong", "Keep fighting", "We can through this", "Remember, fighter tayo", "Don't give up". But you did not apply it to yourself. You are busy saving me, you didn't mind saving yourself. Why are you so selfless, Eina? You always think about me. I hate it.
2:37 am on September 15,2014. I received a message from you. The text says "I know, okay ka na. Malakas ka na. Ikaw pa ba!? Haha. I love you. L. Always. My bestfriend. Wag kang iiyak pag nabasa mo 'to. Salamat sa lahat. Gusto ko masaya ka Lang. Kilala kita eh, ang taas ng confidence mo sa sarili mo, ang dali mo humakot ng lalaki kaya wag kang magpapakadepress sa walang kwentang lalaki. You are my L, that means you are almighty worthy hahahaha! And I'm sorry. Please, I am sorry. I can't fight na. I'm tired. I'm sorry. But please, keep fighting sis! Hindi ako matutuwa pag sumunod ka saakin! Joke lang hahaha. I love you L, I'm sorry but keep fighting for me. Wag kang susuko. Babantayan kita" It hurts Eina. Ako pa rin. Ako pa rin laging iniisip mo. I hate it. I really hate it. But I love you.
I still have regrets, Eina. If I just talk to you, if I just say encouraging words to you, if I also help you, If I just saved you.... You're still here, You are still living....how I wished I could turn back the time....If I didn't have a good sleep the moment I received your text maybe I saved you.. I will run immediately to saved you...but tang ina, tulog na tulog ako. I just woke up in the morning hearing your mother's cry and calling your name. That day I lose my light, I lose my savior, I lose my bestfriend, I lose you...Eina
Sad to say, Eina. I lose all my confidence when you bury six feet on the ground. I lose everything when I lose you. But I am still fighting. I promised not to give up. I promised to keep fighting. I promised to you Eina when we see each other again. You'll be proud of me. I'll do everything to keep my old happy self back. I promise. I know you're watching me from heaven, And sorry if I've become weak in the past months I even considered again to suicides but hey! Just like what you said. I am L, I'm the almighty worthy. I stood up again and also, I don't want to disappoint you. Because you're my Eina. My number one nagger.
I love you my Eina and I miss you.......
The Almighty Worthy,
L
