Tired.
Today I was really, really tired.
Waking up next to that same exact face every single morning for the past 5 years is getting overly tiring.
I want something new.
A big change.
As I dragged myself out of bed, I heard her little voice.
"good morning" She cooed.
Instantly bringing a smile to my face.
I walked over to her and picked her up.
Harper.
My love. Quite literally my life.
She turns 5 soon.
I'm still trying to plan her a birthday party but everything's been so dull recently.
I just can't think properly.
I took Harper downstairs to make her her favourite breakfast and help her get ready for school.
As we loaded into the car to drop her off at school, the front door opened and out walked her.
She looked mad as per usual.
I wound down the window and smiled at Harper when she sang along to the song quietly playing in the background.
Harpers singing quickly stopped when her mother started yelling at me for some stupid reason.
I wasn't really listening.
Just thinking about how life could be different and happier if it were just Harper and I.
But no.
She's here.
She's a burden.
She makes my life a living hell.
As she was mid yelling I decided it was enough.
"I want a divorce" was the only thing I said before winding the window back up, locking the doors and backing out of that dreadful driveway.
The look on her face was something I had seen many times before.
Like when I told her I worked at a bakery.
She expected me to have some kind of higher paying job.
Not a small bakery.
I can almost guarantee she would have left me if it wasn't for Harper coming along.
The drive to Harpers school was quiet.
She's very used to hearing us fight at this point.
Which makes me upset because she's so young and innocent and doesn't deserve to listen to things like that.
I pulled up at her school and walked her inside like i usually do.
As I knelt down to give her one last final hug for the morning she whispered three words that took my heart and tore it in two.
"what's a divorce?".
The poor thing.
She's too young for this, I don't want her being upset at school.
I told I would tell her when I picked her up from school if she reminded me, and with that she kissed my cheek goodbye and ran away to her small group of friends.
I'm so sorry.
The drive to work.
Not in a good mood.
My mind was racing with how it's going to go when I get home.
How she's going to try and convince me she loves me enough so I stay.
All the fighting and arguing Harpers going to hear when it's only 3 days away from her birthday.
She shouldn't have to hear it.
Which is why it needs to stop.
And a divorce is the only way it's going to stop.
I'm just praying i get custody.
I don't think I can live without her.
I got a message from her saying she was picking up Harper and not to worry about it.
With a groan I shoved my phone back into my pocket, imagining all the things she was telling her innocent self.
Probably that "daddy's a bad person"
"he's trying to take you from me"
Harpers a smart girl.
I hope she realises i'm not like that.
I finished work a little later than usual.
That's gonna make her mad.
She'll just assume I purposely did it to avoid seeing her.
The drive home was silent as I dwelled in my very negative thoughts.
As I pulled into the driveway, there she stood.
Leaning against the door frame with an angry look on her face.
Here we go.
I thought to myself before climbing out of the car.
Today, she wore blue.
