Roommates // killugon

Empty x feelings

Gons POV
Killua and Chrollo have been dating for two weeks. I was trying to support him, but it is really hard, and I don't know why.
Why does my chest hurt when I see them together? Why do my eyes water when they kiss? What's wrong with me...
I often find myself locked in my room crying, for unknown reasons. And I feel my heart hurting when I see them cuddle or kiss.
I don't know why though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!
I'm trying to support them so hard. I even suggest the tea place they went to on there first date. I've been helping out with there homework, making sure they have extra time together. But I can't remember the last time I laughed with killua, smiled with killua, or just had a moment alone with killua. Chrollo never leaves his side.
But I don't like killua, as a crush at least. Do I? What are these feelings I'm feeling?! I've had a crush before and it was nothing like this...
I'm depressed. Again I don't know why. It's not killua, I think it's just hard for me to not be around him as much.
You know that's not true. I'm depressed because of him.
My heart hurts constantly, I forgot what it's like to feel something other then saddens and fear.
Would killua be happier without me?
No, gon. Stop thinking those thoughts.
It's hard for me to focus on anything. I'm failing all my classes, and I'm not keeping up with calling mito, or hanging out with Kurapika and Leorio.
I don't understand...
What this feeling is...

I was headed to the changing room for PE class. I walked into it and immediately went to my locker. I was late for class and could just hear some students in the other room.
"Yeah, you know Gon? He's so depressed. He used to hangout with us all the time, it was so fun"
My eyes started to water
So everyone's noticed?
I wiped my eyes and tried to focus on changing into my tank top.
"Gon? Is that you?" A familiar voice said.
I turned around.
"Kurapika?" He walked up to me.
"Why have you not been responding to your calls? I had something important to tell you today." I looked down.
"Sorry, pika."
"It's ok. But what's wrong?" My eyes started watering.
"I... can't..." I could barely speak "feel... a-anything!!" I burst out in tears and held him close.
He gasped but gave me a big bear hug.
"Gon, can you tell me what's wrong so I can help? Please?" He said in a comporting voice.
I just nodded, soaking his shirt in tears.
"I'm depressed Kurapika. I-I can barely feel a thing!! I don't know what's w-wrong with me, Kurapika what's wrong!! I can barely breathe! It's hard to speak, and I don't know why!!" I cried more and more.
"Oh, gon. I'm so sorry your feeling these things. It will be alright, I promise." He held me tighter.
"But could you please tell me when these feelings started?"
I couldn't get my words out.
"I don't k-know... I c-can't keep track o-of the days anymore... I- I think it... was p-probably when killua a-and Chrollo started d-dating!!" I slowly started to calm myself down.
"You think?" I nodded into his shirt.
"What other feelings do you feel? Especially when your around him?" He asked politely.
"I-I feel pain, and saddens, and an empty feeling I can't describe. I try to help killua, by getting him and Chrollo t-together more but it just messes m-me up!!"
Kurapika looked down at me and pulled away.
"Gon, this might be hard to hear, but I think your in love with killua."
I gasped. In love?? It would explain why I've never felt these feelings before. But then why am I so depressed?!
"B-but Kurapika, I'm s-so depressed..." I started to tear up again.
"I know gon, it's because the only one you love is dating someone else. He barely hangs out with you one on one anymore and he's constantly all over Chrollo. I think you miss him as well"
"B-but..."
I can't love killua.
"How.. w-we just met!"
"More then two months ago. Gon it's been longer then you think." I gasped.
"T-two months?!?"
Kurapika nodded.
"Gon im sorry your feeling these feelings." He told me.
"How do they go a-away!?!" I cried "I-I don't want them a-anymore!"
"Gon, they won't go away... I'm sorry. But until you've moved on, they'll stay." He told me and my through clogged up.
"Noo!!! I want them gone now!!" I burst into tears again.
"Gon, you might have to just try and move on... maybe try going on a date with a cute girl?!" Kurapika said trying to make me happier.
"Mabey..."
Yes, that will help. I just need to get my mind off things.
"Thank you pika. Y-your so kind..." I wiped away my last tears and decided to skip class, so I started on the way to my dorm.
Who would date me??

OK I AM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY.
I LITERALLY HATE MYSELF RN.
And pikas always right In time for there mental breakdowns lol
IM SO MAD.
I WAS ALMOST DONE WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER THEN I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT. IM DEADDDD