everything // LarryStylinson

17. Louis

We are 3 hours in to our 15 hour flight to San Diego, and so far I've done nothing but stare at Harry the entire time.

He refuses to look up at me, I can't say I blame him.

I watch him as he runs his hand through his hair, quickly licks his lips, chews on his pen, scribbles shit down, crosses it out, angrily flips through pages, chews on his bottom lip, writes more shit, pulls at his hair some more, then finally closes the book to take a break. I can tell he's agitated, but everything he writes is incredible and I find myself wishing I was in Liam's seat, reading over his shoulder like I always do.

I quickly fix my gaze on to my feet, not wanting to make eye contact with him right now. I can see him out of the corner of my eye, twisting his back in an effort to stretch.
I can tell by his movements and facial expressions that he must be in pain, and it's killing me not to reach out and comfort him.

I feel Niall recline his seat all the way back, adjusting to take a nap. It sounds like a good idea in theory, but my mind is racing.

—-Flashback—-

It's the first night in the X factor house. Louis had just fallen asleep, but is awoken by a light knock on his temporary bedroom door.

He gets up and opens the door to find Harry standing there, looking down at his feet.

"Hey Haz, what's going on?" Louis asked, putting a hand on Harry's back to lead him in.

"I... um, uh, well..." Harry starts, but is interrupted by his own tears.

"Shhh, it's okay babe, breathe," Louis pulled Harry in for a hug, rubbing his back and hair until he got his breathing under control.

"It's um, my dad. They found him..." Harry finally says after about 10 minutes of silence.

Harry's father, Tim, got knee surgery, and he became addicted to opiates. When the pills weren't enough, he turned to the streets for heroin. He would sell precious family heirlooms, trinkets, Anne's jewelry, and Gemma and Harry's toys, books, and clothes. When Harry was 15, Tim began physically abusing the whole family. It wasn't long until Anne called the police, but Tim disappeared. No one heard from Tim for almost a year, until now...

"Are you okay?" Louis answered, hand still rubbing Harry's back.

"Gemma was with him. She has been in contact with him this whole time. She had been buying drugs from him with money my mum would give her for groceries. She's being sent to rehab, my mum has no one," Harry starts crying again, so hard he's shaking.

Louis says nothing, he just guides Harry to the bed. Louis laid on his back, pulling Harry close in to his side. Harry cried himself to sleep on Louis' shoulder. Louis would whisper sweet things in Harry's ear, and give occasional forehead kisses.

—-End of Flashback—-

I can't fucking do it anymore.

"Harry?" I call out for him, before I can talk myself out of it.

I notice when he doesn't respond it's because his eyes are closed and he's listening to music. I reach over and tap his leg, causing him to startle and a send a tingle uo my arm.

He looks at me like he's seen a ghost, "What?"

"Can we please talk, please," I sound so desperate, but I am.

Liam immediately sits up protectively, Harry gives him a reassuring nod.

I get up and walk to the rest area in the back, Harry following slowly behind me.

"I understand you're never going to feel the same way about me. You mean so much to me Harry, you are really are everything to me. I know you don't want to be with me, like that, but I was wondering if we could try to be friends?" I nervously ask him, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand.

"Sure, Louis," after a moment Harry answered, in a monotonous voice. No emotion behind his words. I did this to him, and I feel fucking awful.

I stick my hand out for him to shake, he stares at it for a moment, shakes my hand, then heads back out to the front with the lads.

After a moment of breathing to myself, I head back out. Harry's seat is reclined, arms crossed over his chest, headphones in his ears in an effort to fall asleep.

Liam grabs a blanket from the overhead bin, and covers Harry with it.

On any other occasion, I would be snuggling with him. I really fucked this up, I was so beyond lucky to have someone as amazing as him. I will never, ever, get that lucky again.

I watch him peacefully sleep for a while until I find myself dozing off.

—-Flashback—-

"I have loved him since we were 18,
Long before we both thought the same thing,
To be loved, to be in love
All I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you
I wanna love like you made me feel
When we were 18" Harry sang, making eye contact with Louis the entire verse.

Louis felt butterflies in his stomach. Harry does this all the time, but Louis will never get over the feeling.

Louis walks towards the back of the stage to get a drink of water, and he places it down behind Harry when he's done. He knows Harry will need some too.

Harry finishes his part, goes to get water, and see Louis had put one down for him.

"Thanks baby," Harry mouthed across the stage, earning a wink from Louis.

—-End of Flashback—-

Liam's POV

Harry is passed out, he left what I assume is his song book open at his feet.

It wouldn't be wrong to look, I'm doing it to make sure he's mentally alright. Plus, all the mates are asleep so nobody gotta know.

I pick up the book and eye up one of the pages from earlier, reading slowly and thoughtfully this time, trying to read his emotions.

(A/N STOP WHAT UR DOING AND BLAST LONG WAY DOWN IM LITERALLY SOBBING A/N)

"We've made a fire
Went down in the flames.
We sailed an ocean
And drowned in a wave.
Built a cathedral
But we never prayed.
We had it all, yeah
And we walked away.
Point of no return and now
It's just too late to turn around
I try to forgive you
But I struggle 'cause I don't know how
We built it up so high and now I'm fallin'
It's a long way down
It's a long way down, from here
We had a mountain
But took it for granted
We had a spaceship
But we couldn't land it
We found an island
But we got stranded
We had it all
Who could've planned it?
Point of no return and now
It's just too late to turn around
I try to forgive you
But I'm struggling 'cause I don't know how
We built it up so high and now I'm fallin'
It's a long way down, from you
It's such a long way down, from here
It's a long way down
It's a long way down
It's such a long way down
It's a long way down
It's a long way down"

By the time I'm done, tears are streaming down my face. It's beautiful, but he's hurting so much. I protectively wrap my arm around him, and pull him into my side. He stays asleep but nuzzles into my side.