Why me?

One of these days I will write that book, he said to himself. The reassurance did not cheer him up this time. After all, how could he trust himself this time when at least a dozen times in the recent past he had committed and failed on his commitment. Repeated failure is a sign of some deep trouble, he thought. It must be something wrong with me. "What are you thinking about?", she asked. He started drinking the coffee and looked at her inquisitive face. "What?", he asked. "No, nothing", she said. This was one of those many evenings that seems darker than it should have been. The coffee shop had a roadside view that both of them loved. You could even touch the people walking by, he sometimes liked to joke. And you actually could. He imagined a person walking by who stops, picks up his coffee and takes a sip only to start walking again. He giggled at that thought. She made a questioning face. "Nothing", he replied, "Some funny thought that does not deserve to be bought in the world".

The usual crowd was there. The musician was playing some Beatles song that made the air even gloomier than it was. She loved the Beatles and enjoyed this music a great deal. He took a bite of their famous "All in one" pasta. Italians would cringe at the name he thought. But so would the Chinese if they hear of Chicken Manchurian. He was apparently smiling again and she was getting irritated by quietness of his private enjoyment. He looked at her carefully. She was going to be twenty three this June but looked like she was in her late teens. Her curls were scattered on her face. She liked to touch them once in a while and play with them for a little time. He liked the hair better when they were longer but apparently her mom told her that long, curly hair do not look good on girls. What does she know, he thought.

He remembered her face when he saw her earlier in his office. He knew she was coming for an interview but had almost forgotten with the tight deadline that they were almost surely going to miss and the demand from his boss that the team puts and extra effort. He did not have much to contribute since the technical documentation only came when you had a stable release and they really did not have it. But he had become a part of the overall tense environment in the office. She is wearing a little too much make up he thought and dreaded with the thought of the discussion that will go on once she leaves. Fortunately for him that did not happen since most of his colleagues knew she was his girlfriend and had told the rest of them.

"What are you thinking about?", she asked him earnestly. "It is so irritating when we are sitting here for an hours and most of the time you are lost in your own thoughts". He was feeling sorry now. He always wondered what she saw in him. It was their tenth class when they first met and had taken an instant liking for each other. They were the most unlikely pair that the school had seen. She had everything, beauty, brains, drive. She was the topper in the school, chess champion, debate winner and a darling of all the school teachers. He was what a teacher called him, utterly useless. The only thing he liked to do was to read. He read all the time but nothing useful. That was not his opinion. His father thought so about him. "How could we decide to be together forever in just six months?", he wondered. It was not the first time that thought came to his mind. "What did you like in me?", he asked. It was not the first time he had asked that question to her. She smiled as a reply and continued to eat the pasta. In eleventh standard she decided to pursue science and he decided to pursue arts. He was glad that he finally got rid of maths and physics. He shuddered at the very thought. If not for her help, he would never have cleared them in the tenth examination. Those were tough days for them. Traveling from Whitefield and Yelahanka to meet at some central Bangalore place in the Bangalore traffic requires some commitment. They used to go the Chitrakala Parishat and watch the paintings exhibited for hours. She was a fine painter herself and could identify very fine nuances in the colors that he could not even see. That's when our love was cemented, he thought and smiled to himself thinking it was so funny. "What's up dude?", she was looking prettier as she got angrier.