Aligned With The Stars (Montereal Series #3)

[35]

"Do you think he's happy there?"

Pinunasan ko ang mga luha na iniyak ko kanina. It took me an hour before I calmed myself down. Santi comforted me the whole time, holding me in his arms as I cried. Kung wala siguro siya dito ay baka hindi na talaga ako tumigil sa pag-iyak. I would have a hard time going home too.

"Of course he is, there's no pain there." he replied as he placed the toys he bought for him too. He also bought a birthday cake for him. Kaya dalawa ang cake ni Jago ngayon.

I nodded. "How I wish I was there too..."

His lips parted when he looked at me. Ever since Jago died. I have been wishing to be hit by a random bus or a car just to be with him. There's no point in living. I couldn't find any reason to continue with my life. If my family wasn't there to guard me, I would've been gone by now.

"Don't say that," he looked down. "I already lost him, I can't lose you too."

Naalala ko naman 'yung mga sinabi niya nung gabi na lasing siya. It never left my mind up until now.

"Pagod ka na rin no?" sabi ko. "You're tired of all of this. Of all the pain, of everything that's been happening to us. Paano mo nagagawa 'yun?"

"Do what? Not to give up?"

Napatingin ako sa kanya. His eyes look so tired and lifeless. Hindi ko maiwasan ang isipin na sinasaktan ko siya ngayon. I found someone else, while he's still stuck with me.

"I've thought about it... but it's not like I can do it either. I didn't want to add to the pain. That will make me feel bad even more..."

I sighed heavily. "I thought about it too. Honestly, I didn't think I would be here right now, if it wasn't for my brothers and my parents."

There was pain on his eyes when he looked at me. Gaya niya, pagod na rin ako.

"Let's talk about something else," he shifted his gaze to the toys that we bought for him. "You bought a lot. I actually thought you wouldn't come here today, especially this early."

I smiled a little, grabbing one of the toys and admiring it.

"I wanted to spend the rest of my day with him. It was the best thing I could do for being gone..." sagot ko at nakatitig lang doon.

He nodded and smiled. "I think he'll like it."

He arranged the toys beside the tomb. Nakahanda na rin 'yung dalawa niyang cake. Ang dami niya ring dinala para sa anak namin. Kahit na ang liit niya pa nung huli naman siyang nakita, ramdam na ramdam ko na parang napalaki rin namin siya kahit konti.

Napatitig ako sa mukha niya. I remembered how Trent's children looked a lot like him. Ganoon rin kaya pag kay Santi?

"Kamukha mo kaya siya?" I suddenly asked and held his face with both of my hands. "Jace looks like Trent and Massie looks like Ate Tria but a little of Trent too. You think, he would a lot like you, too?

He caressed my hand and smiled. Agad ko naman tinanggal 'yon. Shit, I almost forgot that we're not together. I shouldn't have done that.

"Our blood is pretty strong. So I think he would've looked a lot like me." he answered. "I'd rather see more of your features on him though. Ayokong kamukha niya ako dahil nakakasawa na. Kamukha ko na nga si Papa, tapos magkamukha rin kami ni Trent, pati anak niya kamukha niya, tapos pati anak ko, kamukha ko rin?"

I giggled. "Don't you want that? He's a mini Santi!"

We are talking like Jago is still alive even though he isn't. I like this better. At least, we're distracted from the truth.