{Attack on Titan | xReader One Shots}

{Bertholdt x Reader} | {The Somebody of a Soldier}

{Dedicated to @TheNobodyofASOLDIER}

"You're an ass—why the hell did you join the Trainee Squad?"

You pulled your legs closer to your torso, your arms wrapped tightly around them. 

Every single damn day the best of the 104th Trainee Squad would corner you in a particular area, spitting out vulgarities and discouraging statements. At first you shrugged it off, thinking that they were jealous of your skills. But the vile words kept coming and when the commander acknowledged your training as a "disappointment", you started dropping from your current spot in the ranks. Once you had been the best, giving it your all—it earned you a high rank in the Squad. But now you were just a husk that just did and no more. You were giving up and your commander, thinking it was the best way to get you into good spirit, criticized your training. It did the opposite of what he intended, however. You didn't seem to care anymore.

It was because you really didn't care.
Sometimes, you even ditched training and sulked.

You retreated into your quarters today after another round of exchanging...words. You couldn't take it anymore—the countless blows that were sent to you had shattered the shield you had thought was invincible. 

"[Name]?"

It was Bertholdt. Sweet, giant Bertholdt. He had started seeing you after he began to notice your absences from the squad. At first your meetings had been you constantly trying to avoid him—you didn't want him there; you were weak and you hated showing it. And then you realized that the giant was honestly good—something that you didn't have. You started looking forward to his visits and started actually enjoying his company. He was the only purely good thing that happened to you.

You glanced up and nodded, giving him the permission to enter your threshold. He closed the door behind him and made his way over to your bed, not bothering to get familiar with your living quarters. He had never been inside your "space" before, and he felt that invading your privacy was the last thing you wanted. You scooted over and let him sit down beside you, drowning in the silence that enveloped the two of you. It was...awkwardly peaceful. Well, it was until you broke the somewhat comfortable silence with the words,

"I'm a nobody, aren't I?"

He looked at you, pure shock written across his visage. You tilted your head to look at him; your vision was blurring slightly. It felt as if the whole world was numb, never existing. Maybe it didn't exist and you were in some kind of stupid dream and you couldn't wake up.

Bertholdt frowned—he placed two fingers under your chin and brought it up.

"Is that what you think you are?"

You averted your eyes. The words felt like a slap to your face—the disappointed look he bore dug into your heart like a million shards of glass. They hurt so much, and hell, you wanted to cry. You knew that what you were thinking of yourself was terribly wrong and could lead to a fatal decision that would end your life. You knew it was bad to think suicidal thoughts but you thought them anyways because you had given up. You knew thoughts like those would corrupt your mind and kill it. But you nodded anyway, feeling the calloused caress of his fingers against your skin. 
His eyes widened a fraction and he pulled you close to him, stroking the strands of you [h/c] hair. His body radiated warmth, and though you did not want to admit it, it felt good. It felt terribly nice to be held and cared for and close to someone. You liked it...

"Shit, [Name]," he pulled away, grabbing your hands and holding onto them tightly. "You're a somebody not a nobody."

Tears—damn the creation of tear glands. Damn, Bertholdt as well.

"Y-you don't mean it."

You didn't want to believe in his words. You didn't want to believe in the beautiful smell of him and the way it felt so right to be in his arms. You didn't want to believe in his condolences and the sweet honey-like things that came out of his mouth. You didn't want to see the hurt on his face when you said those words. You didn't want to hurt him.

"[Name], I'm not saying that just to cheer you up. Fuck, [Name]. Why the hell do you have to be so hard on yourself?"

You wanted to say because I deserve it. You wanted to tell him that you were worthless and useless and a whole variety of words that meantyou were stupid and idiotic. But you weren't able to—he interrupted you before you even opened your mouth.

"I can't stand it when you're like this. You think you're so strong, that you can handle everything that comes along your way. But you're not.You're a beautiful, fragile flower that I've learned to love and care and live for. You aren't strong and you aren't weak, you're you. And I love you for that. Fuck, I love you [Name]." 

And just how he didn't give you a chance to speak, he didn't give you a chance to process the things he said and why he said it and the reason behind them. 

He gave you his lips, instead.

They were soft and full and beautiful. They made you slip away from the misery you entangled yourself in and enter a world where it was just you and him and him and you. They made the tears slip down your face in a stupid frenzy and your heart to pound with an unknown excitement. They made your soul drift out of your body and dance with a grace that you never thought you had. They made the world ignite and consume your flesh with a slow, burning fire. 

And when the need to inhale oxygen presented itself, you reluctantly pulled away and breathed. Air never felt so good in your entire life. And as you stared at the wide-eyed Bertholdt you wanted to curse your lungs and your cells that relied on nitrogen and throw them out the window. 

Breathlessly, he said,

"I love you."

And he repeated those words for what seemed to be the millionth time and you laughed. You laughed for the first time in a long time and the thing felt so unknown and new to you that you seemed to question your sanity. Bertholdt just smiled and touched your lips tentatively, pulling you against him again and murmuring your name like it was precious and if he stopped saying it, your name would disappear and never come back. He was afraid that you would disappear and come back.

"You're a somebody of a soldier and I love you for it, [Name]."

"I love you too, Bertholdt."

The two of you were so reluctant to leave each other so you decided to sleep side by side. You gained from he warmth he provided and he gained from just knowing that you were there. And for the first time in a long time, you felt whole and content.

The two of you had each other and the two of you had a bond that seemed like it was never going to break and that it was going to last forever and ever and ever.

You felt unbreakable—truly invincible.

-<^>-<^>-<^>-

When you woke up to Bertholdt's sweet smile, you smiled back.

When you saw the jackasses that made your life a pain, you re-payed them seven-fold.

When you trained alongside Bertholdt, you tried your best.

And when you chose to join the Survey Corps with him, you were strengthened and beautiful.

Because you were a somebody of a soldier.

{A/N} | {I think I've rewritten this a billion times >.< *sobs* THIS IS FOR YOU NOBODY. Words do not express how much I love this bae and how much I adore. I think she deserves an award from the president - she is that amazing.}