awake but not (jikook)

chapter 1

jimin's pov

i moved to grab another glass of soki. "jimin. slow down." suga said. 

"why i'm not even that drunk." i slurred. i poured myself a drink and jin held out his cup. i filled it for him. 

"just be careful." suga said. 

"okay dad. whatever you say." i said and i sat down and took a gulp of the drink down. the boys were laughing at each other. i just watched jungkook because i've liked him since the start. i smiled when he smiled and frowned when he frowned. i looked away once jhope called me out on it. 

"your staring jimin." he said. all of the boys looked at me. 

"sorry what was that." i said. 

"your staring at jungkook." jhope said. i licked my lips. 

"were you?" jungkook question. i just blinked. 

"i think i had a little to much if i'm just staring." i said trying to hide me lie. i put my drink on the table but it fell to the floor. i lifted my feet and groaned. i moved to get up over the arms of the chair and grabbed a broom. i made my way back outside and i trip over my own foot and jungkook caught me before i fell on the glass. "thanks kookie." i said looking at him. jin grabbed the broom from me. 

"jungkook why don't you get jimin some water then get him to bed. he's not getting any more." rm said and i pouted. jungkook helped me inside and i leaned against the counter. jungkook handed me a cup of water. i pouted and sipped at it. 

"is something bugging you. i've never seem you drink this much before."

"was i really drinking a lot." i asked looking down at my glass. 

"yeah. what's bugging you." he said. 

"nothing. i just wanted feel like i belong for once." i said and he looked at me. 

"why don't you feel like you belong." jungkook said. i looked at him. 

"i didn't say that." i said and he looked at me confused. 

"yes you did. come on just tell me." he said, i shook my head and placed my glass down. he grabbed my hand and lead me to my room. he pushed me onto the bed and i looked at him shocked. 

"what are you doing." i said. 

"you and me are going to talk." he said and i looked at my hands. 

"do we have to." i said. 

"jimin. you never hide things from me and no it's like that ch-"

"i'm gay." i just blurted out. he looked at me. 

"what do you mean."

"you know how there was a differences between how i was feeling when any of our female fans looked at me and called me cute and handsome."

"yeah you get shy and all flustered."

"that was all an act. i was walking with arm a few days ago and a group of guys were checking me out and it made me feel so happy. i don't know why because i had these unknown feeling for someone but in y head i knew if that person was there at the time. i'm sure they would of been jealous. and he is so fucking cute when he's jealous." i said crying. 

"why are you just coming out and saying this. why did you need to be drunk to tell me this."

"i didn't want you to hate me and gone to tell the others just so they can hate me."

"why would we hate you. not one of us hate gay people." he said and i shook my head. 

"i guess i was just jealous myself because all of you are just so pretty and i can't even compare myself to all off you because i find myself ugly." i said laying down.