2005, where it all began

I was only 7...

I was only seven years old when it happened, I was molested, by my neighbor to be exact. She was older, only by three years though. To this day I'm still haunted by the whole thing. My mother doesnt know, she never cared to listen to my problems, she was always so wrapped up in her own thoughts... Her husband was an alcoholic who had an addiction to pain killers. I wouldn't be worried about my kids either.

I've moved on from that one experience though, because yes it was my first, but it wasnt my last horrible experience. Although i don't have feelings anymore i still feel as if my story is sad and that is why i want to warn you before you start to read on, that what your about to read is not a fairy tale, no i do not find my prince, no i do not get saved. This princess has No happy ending.. She will forever be lost in the sad, sad tale of her life.. My life.

Now, i would like to point out that my life as a child wasn't that bad. No. I had a roof over my head, two parents who i think loved me. And food. So in that sense, things were great. Its just, i never really learned how to feel. My dad always said when i was growing up, "in this family we don't cry, because crying is for wimps. and we're no wimps" so i didnt cry. Ever. I remember when i broke my foot and just sat there in pain but wouldnt show it. My teachers and classmates were so shocked (It was on the playground).

As the years go on, things got better.. I meet this amazing girl, Ana. She is just like me, we became the best of friends, Ana helped me with my weight, she helped me understand that at the age of 7 you cant be eating all of these sweets; So i cut back. I'm still beautiful as ever and i have only to thank my mother and ana for that.

I'm still struggling in the friend department, but thats okay.. I've never been a social butterfly anyways.

My mother always told me to watch what i eat because as a child she was also big. Thats okay though, i forgive her.

Most mornings i would wake up and have a small glass of orange juice. Then we would go for a walk, i always had so much energy as a child. Me and Ana played for hours in my backyard; she was always teaching me new ways to be perfect.

One time we played this game, where i had to memorize all of the calories in all of my snacks, then for every calorie i ate, i had to work out 5x that. It was fun.

School was fun for the most part, except lunch. I hated the looks lunch ladies gave me when i wouldn't have more food. It disgusted me. Like, why should i have to eat things that taste so gross ?

Looking back now, i realize they were just looking out for me. I wish i would have listened. It was hard growing up never eating in front of my friends.

They were ALWAYS bugging me.

"Kat, you're not eating again today?"

"Kat, i can give you some of my lunch"

"Are you ever hungry?"

They never stopped asking. I thank them now for it. But back then; they made me weak.

Good thing i had Ana.