Random Stuff

The Confession

This is just some backstory stuff to a character that I have for a story me and a few friends are working on. There's probably a few mistakes here and there because my phone is being an actual brat.

TW: F-slur and mild violence

    Ashton held his night bag to his chest, taking small, slow steps down the street. He'd taken almost ten minutes to get to Noah's house, when it was only just down the road. They didn't live far apart, but the tightness in Ashton's chest made everything seem heavy and slow. Just treat it like a normal sleepover... He reassured himself.Even though it's not going to be a normal sleepover, and things probably won't be normal again after this but... Just don't freak out.
    He looked up from the ground to see his friends house standing before him. "Just make it normal..." He sighed. But its not normal! His thoughts screamed. He shook his head, and walked on.
    Only a few seconds after his knock, the door sprang open, revealing Noah standing behind it. The tightening in Ashton's chest released, and a smile spread across his face. Safe. He thought. "H-Hey! Are you ready to chill?" Ashton said in his usual stupid tone.
    "Heck yeah I'm ready to 'chill', Ashie!" Noah chuckled, shutting the door behind his friend as he entered. He reached out his hand to take Ashton's bag before pretty much chucking it to the top of the stairs. "There we go!" He smiled, resting his hands on his hips.
    Ashton gave Noah a shove and pointed to his bag. "Dude! My phone is in there!" He yelped, hopping up the stairs to retrieve his things, Noah trailing behind him.
    "Sorry!" Noah laughed, giving Ashton's hair a ruffle. "I just like throwing stuff, you know?" He made a dramatic throwing motion with his other hand. "Like... Woosh..."
    Ashton giggled, leaning into Noah's touch. "Like woosh!" He repeated, taking a seat at the top of the steps.
    Noah sat down next to him, and gestured towards his room. "Mum rented a couple of old moves we used to watch from the library." He said. "So there's some plans for later tonight!"
    "Ooo!" Ashton sang, wrapping an arm around Noah's. "We can have, like, a nostalgic sleepover! Full of things we used to do when we were little!" He stood up, grabbing his bag and pulling Noah along. This was a perfect idea! Doing all sorts of comforting and memorable things before...! Before.... Just think about that later, and focus on having a good time! Everything will be fine.

~~~~~

    Noah laughed as he carried Ashton bridal style in circles around his room, as the other sang nursery rhymes in his cracking voice. "C-can I ask again why this was something we a-always did?" Noah asked through his laughter.
    "Beats me," Ashton replied, pausing his singing. "But we got a heck of a lot of entertainment out of it!" He wrapped an arm around the back of Noah's neck before continuing his awful singing.
    Noah chuckled again, and tossed Ashton onto the small couch off the the side of his room. His friend hit the cushion with a gasp of surprise, and he sat down next to him. "Are we gonna keep watching The Cat in The Hat, or what?"
    Ashton sat up with a chuckle, and snatched the remote. "Okay okay," he giggled. "Excuse me, princess..." His words were responded to with a playful shove to the side of the head. He kept his smile present, but he felt the sickening worry in the pit of his stomach growing. The longer you wait the worse you'll feel, Ashton. He told himself. Just say something... Just do it! Just- His thoughts were interrupted by a gentle hand on his shoulder.
    "Ashie, are you okay?" Noah asked. "You look worried about something."
    Ashton looked over at his friend, reaching his hand up to place it on Noah's. "Y-yeah! I'm good!" He sealed his words with a smile, but it slowly faded. "W-well..." He said, his voice smaller than before. "I mean-.... I guess there is something I need to talk to you... About..." He kept his hand on Noah's, needed a feeling of comfort in the moment. The knot in his chest was back, and he could tell Noah was worried. He shook his head. "It's... It's really not a big deal, I guess... N-no... No it kinda is..."
    Noah moved his hand off Ashton's shoulder, but kept his hand gripped in his own. "What's... Up?" He asked, shifting his body to face his friend.
    "I- uh..." He swallowed hard, trying to keep his heart from jumping out through his mouth. "You... You know you mean a lot... Eeverything... To me, right?" He asked quietly. He could see Noah nod in the corner of his eye, a worried look still present on his face. "I know... I know it's weird... A-and wrong- very wrong, but..." Ashton's mouth hung open, words refusing to come out.
    Noah gave Ashton's hand a reassuring squeeze, leaning down to look him in the eye. "What are you talking about, Ashton?" He questioned. "What's going on?"
    Ashton chewed his lip, struggling to look his friend in the eye. "You... You always m-make me feel happy... and safe and loved and-..." He paused, forcing himself to look up. "And I know it's wrong but... I think I might really... really like you... N-no I-.... Love... I think I love you, Noah..."
    It was out. The words were out and it felt awful and relieving and disgusting and amazing all at the same time. This was Noah he was talking to. Someone he trusted . Someone he loved. Maybe... Maybe there really was a chance. A chance for something so wrong to be something that finally felt right. Something that could be right.
    Noah looked down at Ashton, still holding his hand. "I-... Ashton?" He whispered. What was going on?
    Silence filled the room, and painful seconds ticked by. The quiet was finally broken by a laugh from Noah. "A-ashie, what do you mean?" He chuckled. This had to be a joke. The two messed around like this all the time, and that was just something they did. "H-Hey..." He said, lowering his voice. He let go of Ashton's hand, moving it to tip his chin up to face him. "You really mean it...?"
    Ashton took in a shaky breath as warm hands grazed his jaw. Warmth burst through his chest, and he felt like his lungs would explode. Safe... He smiled, looking Noah I'm the eyes. "Noah..." He paused, reaching up to rest his own hand on the other's shoulders. This was it... This was right. He leaned forward, closing the small distance between the two, pressing his lips against Noah's.
    Everything in his mind came to a crashing hult in these seconds. The thoughts and feelings Ashton had always been told were things to be ashamed of became the feelings of wrong. Why would something that made him feel so happy, so safe, be something so disgraceful? These seconds felt like freedom. These seconds felt like home. These seconds. Seconds. Seconds...
    "A-ashton! What the hell are you doing?!"
    Those words broke the second silence. Those words were followed by a hard shove to Ashton's chest. Those words were followed by a gaze full of confusion and rage.
    "I-I..." Ashton stuttered, grabbing the back of the couch to catch himself. "W-wait I thought-"
    "Yeah! You thought!" Noah cut him off, pushing himself off the couch and to his feet. "I thought you were kidding! I thought this was one of your little jokes! What the fuck, Ashton?"
    Ashton quickly stood up, taking a step towards Noah. "N-no! I... I don't mean it, I-"
    "No, don't you try to defend yourself!" Noah snapped taking a step away from Ashton. "What is wrong with you?"
    A quiet squeak sounded in the back of Ashton's throat as he took another step forward, reaching for Noah's hands. "Noah, please! I'm sorry I didn't mean-"
    "Get the hell away from me you faggot!" Noah ripped his hands away from Ashton, and shoved him again. This time, he was knocked to the floor. "What is wrong with you?!" He repeated. "What kind of... Of thing does this shit? What kind of thing are you!? He took a step towards Ashton, who was still on the floor. Helpless. Scared.
    "Noah! Stop, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it, please!" His voice broke. Why was this happening? This was supposed to be Noah. This was supposed to be his friend!
    "No!" Noah barked. "No! You're wrong! You're fucking wrong!" He kneeled down to Ashton holding him to the floor. "You think this is ok? You trying to turn me into one of you? How long have you been a queer?!"
    Ashton reached up to grab Noah by the shoulders, not know what else to do. "Please, Noah! I'm still me! I'm still your friend! I-I'm not... There's nothing wrong with me!" He cried out, his eyes starting to burn with tears. He's never seen this side of Noah. A side so full of hatered, yet so sure of his actions.
    Noah quickly shoved Ashton's hands away from him, and raised a fist. "Don't touch me!" He swung. A quick impact to the side of Ashton's face left a buzz of pain in his knuckles, but he didn't care. "Don't ever touch me, faggot!" He swung again, this time colliding with Ashton's jaw, earning another cry of pain.
    Ashton held his arms in front of his face, trying to sheild himself from Noah. "S-stop it! Please! Just wai-" He words were cut of with another punch, landing inches away from his eye.
    "Stop talking! Stop pleeding! Stop!" Noah landed another hit, punching Ashton square in the nose. There was a loud crack, and a shreik of pain, letting Noah know his nose had been broken. Still, he felt no remorse. "I'll kill you if you ever touch me again! I fucking kill you! What is wrong with you?"
    Ashton let out a choaked sob, trying to pull himself away from Noah. His voice wouldn't work anymore. He was scared. He couldn't breathe. The burning pain in his face made nothing better.
    "Just get out! Just leave and go get help! Go fix yourself!" He growled, keeping his fists clenched.
    Ashton snatched his bag, holding his close to his chest. "Noah please! I don't understand... I just-"
    "Get out!"

~~~~~

    Ashton walked silently along the road. His hands shaking as they still clutched his things. Get the hell away from me, you faggot! Noah's words still rang in his head. What is wrong with you!? He wasn't crying anymore, but his mind still raced faster than ever. Why... He thought. Why did he turn so fast? Why does he hate me so much now? Out of all his fears and expectations, this outcome was worse tham he could have ever imagined. He was stupid. He was so fucking stupid! This is what he should have expected! What else could have come out of this! Everything he told you is right! This is wrong! This is your own fault! He whimpered, tightening his grip on his bag as he approached his house.
    As he opened the door, he could hear the TV playing quietly upstairs. "Ashton?" His mother's voice rang. He could see her head pop of from the top of the stairs. "What are you doing home? I though you wer-" She stopped in her tracks, her eyes locked with Ashton's. "S-son...?" She whispered, slowly making her way down the stairs.
    Ashton tried to smile at her, but every time he moved his face, stabs of pain shot through him. "Hi... Mom." He said quietly.
    "Oh my goodness, what in Heaven's name happened to you?" She threw her arms around her child, pulling him close to her.
    Ashton flinched at her touch, bringing his arms up to push her away. He glanced back at the top of the stairs, seeing his father and sister both staring. They both looked horrified.
    "I-" Ashton muttered, sniffing back blood. "I was, uh, mugged..." He decided. There was no way he would tell them what happened. There was no way he would tell anyone. If Noah, the person he trusted more than anyone... The person who gave him a feeling of safety... The person he trusted enough to tell him... To tell him what was wrong with himself. If that's how he reacted... How would his own parents react. What would they do to him? No... He wouldn't tell them... He wouldn't let this happen....