Fatherhood | drarry teen adoptive parents au

forty two | love of a mother

a/n: so there's a time skip now and this chapter is written in letters from the spring term, if you have any questions please ask!

on another note: i'm listening to 'deep end' by birdy as i write this and i feel it's fitting. so yeah! listen if you feel like it.

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January 17th 1997

Dearest Draco,

I wish you'd respond to just one letter. Just one. I've written so many, I can't begin to tell you how many, and half of them end up feeding the fire because I hardly know if there's any point contacting you any more.

Won't you write back once? Just assure me that you're breathing. How am I to know, otherwise?

This exile from your father takes me out of the loop of society; I never hear from anyone these days and it's quite exhausting. I'm still in the forest place for now, darling, and I'm quite safe.

I haven't told your father of it yet, but Aquila can't get to me again with all the new Charms I've cast, so here's to hoping he didn't track her the first couple of times we liased.

I suppose I don't have to ask why you aren't responding to me. It's fear, isn't it? Or loathing?

I should've known he was ruining you. I should've listened to Sirius. I wish I could claw my heart out and give it to you to show you how endlessly sorry I am.

God help me, I was naïve. God forgive me for what I have done to my son. God forgive me for what I am trying my hardest not to do.

You wouldn't believe the power your father has over me, but I'm trying my hardest to do the right thing for you for once in your little life.

Tell me you're breathing, darling, that's all I need to know. And know that I'm doing my best to protect you from afar.

All my love forever,

Mother.

February 12th 1997

Mother,

I'm breathing.

As for the rest: I don't know what you want me to say. I won't thank you, but I acknowledge it.

Don't do anything stupid.

Draco

February 15 1997

Dear Draco,

They have burnt our house in the forest.

I knew they'd find me in the end, but I suppose I expected a little more time. The darkness was building as soon as I woke up yesterday morning, but I didn't want to admit it until the fire got close enough for me to smell the heat as well as the smoke.

It wasn't your father's doing, it was others who I didn't recognise, and that scared me. But I suppose it was his command.

I love him so much, Draco. Almost more than I love you sometimes, which I suppose was the issue when you were younger. I love him to death, really I do. He's the father of my only child, and that has to count for something. Maybe you know about things like that nowadays.