if she can't change it I'm dropping out and moving to virginia and changing my name to Geronimo
I'll own a tech shop. I don't know much about tech, but I can imagine Geronimo owning a tech shop. nice and inconspicuous. enough to hide the grief that will inevitably ooze from my soul and consume the four walls that surround me. will I ever grow past the hopeless defeat, the inescapable sense of dread, of hopelessness, that I had experienced in sophomore year of high school. that day, the day my life turned upside down, the day my wish of becoming a successful and knowledgeable artist went straight to the gutters of all the pipe dreams that came before me and my wide-eyed youth? fervently, I will wring my hands as customers come in through that door, hoping each and every time that it is not someone I knew from that dreaded year. miss csontos? please, don't fail me. miss gill? please, realize my hope, and let no-one rip it away.
let no soul go what I went through, never again. let us feel no pain of this kind in our next life, whatever lies after this. anything is better than the creeping, lingering feeling of failure that I will feel for all the years I am to live. even emptiness. even a tech shop. I will travel miles in search of something left to grasp onto. phone cases, ram, anything.
I will publish my works of art, even my fanfiction under a pseudonym, as with a mask comes no shame. no burden from my reality, the one which so cruelly harnessed its greed and used it to crush me.
insanity is not just a term in which psychiatrists use to identify the dead amongst the living, it is an inevitability. no matter how hard we fight, we know it has no use. in a few more hopeless generations, we will realize our fate, feel it firsthand for the first time since humanity's hedonistic ego burst from the seams of our greed.
we writhe for an eternity, a moth in a cocoon. but for us, there is no breaking free. for how can one escape from one's own body and mind? no, we are doomed. it is reality. we are already extinct, as we have the gift of foresight amongst animals.
our one weakness, already wired into our own hands. all that we see, that we feel and create is not without weakness, as nature can be so cruel. cruel it had been, for so many millennia. only now, do we realize just how malevolent it is, as we crumble at the strikes of our own wrath, as our constructs collapse against the weight of our predetermined downfall. ancient cities, civilizations all experienced this same epiphany, before they, too, were set aflame. it was not heaven or hell that will cause a rip between good and evil, it was humanity. humanity, with all of it's vices and gifts. humanity, and it's gleeful release. with our eyes truly open for the very first time, we know now that it we were the ones to build our reality, and we will be our final apocalypse
edit she bumped it up to 52
