If Only (Book 1)

part 8

Warning: Mention of drugs

Tzuyu finds herself on the bathroom floor. Groggy and confused as to why she's there, but the minute her blurry eyes focus on the needle next to her, her heart begins to race. She slowly picks up the syringe and locks her eyes on it. For three minutes that's all she does, just stare.

She sits up against the wall, her head leaning back, and the syringe grasped tightly in her hand. There's a lump in her throat, and a slight shiver runs through her body, because she knows. She knows there's no way in hell she'll be able to turn back from it. Not this time.

For several minutes she sits there, overwhelmed. It's ironic because there's only one thing she knows that can take this feeling away, but it's also the exact cause of such emotions. Tzuyu wanted to blame Sana for not thinking about triggering her. She wanted to blame her parents for not getting her rehabilitation, but this was no ones fault, except for hers.

For days she's felt some unexplainable, gnawing feeling through out her body, but Tzuyu always shrugged it off. However, Last night gave her the answer she craved.

She lets the needle slide off the palm of her hand and grabs her phone that is located on top of the toilet seat. The time reads 5:53 in white letters across the top of the lock screen. It was a little earlier than the time Tzuyu usually got up, but she figures this the perfect time to clean up and shower. Her parents never searched her backpack because they thought it had ended when they moved, so that's where Tzuyu kept the powder and syringes. In her school bag.

For a while it did end. For a while she didn't feel like she would explode if she didn't inject herself with the drug. It was always in the back of her mind, though. She does feel bad, so she promises not to make it hard for her parents, mostly so they won't notice. Right now, all she thinks about is where she will find more when her supply runs out. There was over half left in the bottle, but it was small, and it wasn't going to be enough.

Tzuyu usually takes showers, but today, because she has extra time she decides to bathe. She sits at the edge of the bathtub, letting the warm water flow onto her hands, then into the tub. When it's almost full she submerges into the water. She sits in the tub in, running her fingers across the top of the water. She stays like this until a knock at the door brings her back to reality. "Tzuyu, hurry the fuck up." Chris bangs on the door for the third time. "What? Oh. I'm coming. Hold on!" Tzuyu lifts herself up and wraps a towel around her wet body, unlocking the door and running to the bedroom. Her mother is still asleep, and Tzuyu takes the advantage to change clothes now. Seeing her little sister brings a pang of guilt as she recalls the incident, but she knows that no matter how many bad memories she has, They're nothing compared to the feeling she gets when the drug enters her system. She trembles just thinking about it, and can't seem to concentrate at school because of it.

"So my mom kicks him in the balls and- Woohoo! Earth to Tzuyu's." Jennie waves a hand in front of Tzuyu's face. "Hm?"

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure. You seemed like you were in another world all day."

Tzuyu is about to reply, but the lunch dismissal bell rings and she flies out of the Cafeteria, leaving Jennie confused and hurt.

The rest of the day Tzuyu focus, and in her final class, she stares at the clock, impatiently tapping her foot. These last few minutes felt like the longest five minutes of Tzuyu's life. The bell finally rings, but the eager girl doesn't realize, as she remains seated. "Tzuyu? Can I help you?" Her teacher asks.

"What?"

"Do you need anything?"

"No, why?"

"Well, the final bell has rung,
and....you're still here."

Tzuyu looks around the empty room. "Oh." She says simply before fleeing, barely making it onto the city bus. All she's been thinking about is the little gem in her back pack, but it hasn't even been a day since her last shoot up and she already hungers for it. She buries her face in her hands as realizes she has to at least try to stay clean. If not for her loved ones, but at least so they don't suspect anything.

As Tzuyu walks up to the apartment, she finds Sana standing outside the building. There's a cigarette in her hand and she wonders where the brunette got it. She wasn't even have enough to buy them. Then again, neither was tzt. "Hey, you ready?"
"Ready for what?"

"We agreed to look for jobs today."

"Ohhhhh. I totally forgot."

"You don't have to come."

"No, no. Just- let me go leave my bag. I'll be right back."

Sana nods, and Tzuyu returns within three minutes.

"Ok, so I was online all day, and I found a couple of places that are hiring more than one person. Come on, there's just one down the street."

They arrive in front of tan and green coffee house. Tzuyu stops the second she sees the popular mascot. What she can only assume is a poorly produced mermaid. "Starbucks? Really?" She scoffs. "I hate coffee."

"It's job, they're not gonna force coffee down your throat, Tzuyu."

"You can work here. I'll look for something else." Tzuyu turns on her heel. "Fine, but the only other ones I found were McDonald's, and some ice cream place."

"To the ice cream place it is!"

"The only problem is, that's on the other side of town."

Tzuyu places a hand on her face in annoyance, "are you kidding me?" Sana nods. The Japanese girl sighs. "Let's at least to check it out."

When Sana and Tzuyu step off the bus, they wander around the neighborhood for a span on twenty minutes looking for the ice cream shop. "Are you sure this is the right street?"

"Positive."

"Then wh-" Tzuyu begins but is cut off by Sana. "There it is."

"Graham's dairy freeze. How original."
"Stop judging, and let's go.

When they enter the relatively large ice cream shop, Tzuyu and Sana are greeted by three other teenagers. Two of them look as if they'd rather be anywhere else. "How may I help you?" The shorter, more polite looking one asks. "Uhm, we're here to apply for a job."

"Oh, Great!" light haired brunette claps here hands. She runs to the back and returns with two pieces of papers and pens. "You can take a seat anywhere."

Tzuyu and Sana exchange glances before finding a place to sit. "It's not me, right? That girl is way too cheerful." Sana asks and Tzuyu's husky laughs fills the entire room, causing the employees to stare. "Sorry." She apologizes in a low voice.

They finish at roughly the same time, and hand the applications back to the same girl. "Oh, you're done." She looks then over. "Well, they're not the best, but we're really desperate. You're hired. Can you start on Monday?"

"Of course!" Sana answers for the both of them. They thank the brunette and head for the door. "Oh wait!" She stops rapanll and Tzuyu, "We're gonna need to do a urine test before you start. You know, just standard procedure. It's no big deal."

Sana laughs, and Tzt joins in half-heartedly. "It's not a problem, right Tzuyu?"

Tzuyu agrees, but her emotions take her right back to earlier when she awoke on the bathroom floor. Full of guilt and anxiety. "Right."

She's not lying. Heroin only stay.s in your system for a maximum of seven days, but all that's occupied her mind today was taking the drug again . How was she going to last until Monday? Her first time back on, and she already has to stop.