Idk what to call this

And yes this is real and not fake. I wrote this at 2 am

⚠️TW⚠️ ⚠️TW⚠️this is really depressing, cuz it's my negative thoughts. I figured that it would be a good way to let out my emotions cuz I often bottle them up and don't tell anyone about this. So, sorry if this upsets you. Also this is really random and all over the place, and sorry if it doesn't make much sense. I will try and update it as much as I can but please don't pester me. I am doing this to spread awareness to people. Not everyone who looks happy on the outside, are happy on the inside.
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My golden retriever, Bentley, is having an operation on the 22nd October 2020, so for me that's tomorrow. I'm so worried about what is going to happen. The last time he had an operation, he was getting neutered and his thing swelled up loads afterwards and he had to go to the emergency vets in the middle of the night. After that, he was ok but the emergency vets said that they were glad he was a big dog because if he was any smaller, he would've died because of the amount of blood he lost. That was a few years ago so he's fine now but this time he's having an operation to try to remove cancer from his stomach. Fucking cancer. I try not to think about it because it ruins my day, but those little 'what if' things come up in my brain. Like 'what if the operation goes wrong again' and 'what if the cancer has spread so much that the vets can't do anything else and Bentley will die'. The massive problem here is that he's basically my therapy. I tend to bottle my feelings up until they boil over and I can't hold them in anymore. I don't tell anyone about the things I'm going through because I always feel so pressured to be happy. So I put on a happy face. After a long day of faking that I'm happy, I go to Bentley. He can tell when I'm sad, so he comes over and cuddles with me. It's so comforting. I don't ever want to go downstairs one day and find that Bentley isn't there. I never want to have that terrible conversation with my parents where they tell me the vets had to put him down. I couldn't bear it. Even now while I'm writing this I'm crying so much just at the thought of it. He's only 6 years old.