To Not Feeling IT

6. THE ONE WHO CAN'T SAY NO

The sun has gone down a while ago. I don't know what time is it because I couldn't even peek on my watch. My two hands are in my back, being held tight. I'm now standing, tightly embraced by a guy I just met today, who's now kissing me passionately.

The more I freeze and not giving any respon to his kissing, the more intimate it becomes. I'm now being pushed more and more to the back, until my back finally reaches the wall and hits it very hard. "Ouch!"

Alan still doesn't care. He doesn't even say sorry. His eyes flash like a hungry lion. I'm even lucky enough that he lets go of my lips and body for a split second, before he puts my hands onto his neck, then grabs my butt and carry me on his hips.

"Alan." I interrupt him as soon as I got a chance. "What are you do—"

"I don't know."

This is me losing my chance as he brush his lips against mine. Again. I moan, not because I enjoy it, but because I'm too frustated and don't know what to do. I grip his muscular arms and intend to push him, but I can feel that he's too strong—meanwhile I'm so weak I
couldn't even rip his sweater.

And I'm actually afraid that any of my resistance could turn him even more on.

So I freeze. My body doesn't move even the slightest. I'm really mad, I feel like he doesn't supposed to do this to me. I feel like I'm being harrased. But yet I can do nothing about it.

I've always been like this since a long time ago.

I let Ryo doing things to me that I don't like. I let him hug me, kiss me, touch me on my most sensitive areas that I never want anyone to touch, thrust his member into mine...

I hate that I'm so used to not saying no.

Alan finally stops rubbing his soft lips onto mine. He lets me down and starts kissing my neck softly, gently, I can feel the tention when he does that—because I'm trying so hard not letting my moan out again.

"Please... stop." At last I have the audacity to say something eventhough my voice is trembling. "Stop..."

"Why?" he answers between the kisses. His voice sounds like he's breathless.

"You say... you won't do something I don't like."

He stops what he's doing with my neck, then gets his face closer to mine until our lips barely touched. "It doesn't look like you don't like it." He rub his lips to mine softly. "You have the key. You would've slapped me and run away a long time ago if you do. I'm not even using any force. I allow you to resist."

One tiny drop of tear running down my cheek again. My body starts trembling so hard as my emotion rules. In no time I'm finding my self sobbing.

Alan really stops now. He seems surprised. "Marie... why are you crying?"

"Do I look like a slut to you?"

"No... not at all, if you do I wouldn't have done this to you." He now looks worried as he wipes my tears. "I don't do this to just anyone."

I fall down and sit on the cold floor as I start to let my cry out.

"Marie, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he apologises. "Please don't cry."

My eyes look at him in disgust as I take his hand off my cheek. I refuse to say anything and start running away from that jerk instead.