I just miss how she looked at me, how she kissed me, holding her tiny waist, her non funny jokes, her way of talking, her dumbness. The way how she would always tell me ro stop doing what I do. The way she talked about our future. Our future kids. The way she smelled. The way she was so shy. They way she would hold my hand. The way she would care for me. The way we would kiss for hours. The way she was so fucking inexperienced at it. The way that money his nothing to her. I just miss the way she his the way she was with me. And im writing this in memory of my good days. I know she moved on well i think so I would like to say im happy for her but deep down even if I was hurtin her I would like her to be with me in good or in rainy days. But what Can I say I messed up bad and you wanna know whats funny? You wanna know whats fucking funny? She forgot me she fount a way in her soul to take me back. And like the fuckshir I am I told her away like A idiot. But I dont think she realise how much I liked our simple days. Like when she did my homework with lyam it was for sure an instant for her but for me it was a blissful moment away from all this stressfull lifestyle aways from everything just me and my baby voice and my other baby( my little brother) lol. Or when we went Downtown for the first time the fuckinf way she looked ar me in the eyes ahhhh she doesnt even know how many time I dreamed about it . Still do. Maybe was the because shitshownwirh you and did you just sonfucking wrong and at this point I know its too late for you to take me back matter of fact you even told me lol. Even tho there the 0.000000000000001% of you taking me back after reading this please dont. Love attract and love cuts. I just need to move on. Because i wonr lie you are everythinf thats on my mind 24/7 evry minutes and idk i Can even only call what I feel dor you love. I would go take rhe moon for you mel hh so cliche mel. And what more can I say. Maybeyou dont hate menmaybe you do I will never know. But I know rhat even in 15 years I will still remember Your name. You know when we got together I was acting likenIndont vare about you. Well actually I acted like this the whole time. Well you know what This is just a mechanisme. You know my whole life I always tried to surpass and go. Beyonf my father abusive expectation oh yes luke is my son sonsmart in to politicss blabla he will go on my step but you know everytime Inwentnto bed you know what I felt emptyness empty ness from being nobody just being my father image being trown upon me. I always looked at my big sister Lily how free and non chalent she always were how she looked like she sidntnhave a care in the world I always really liked that about her andone day you know what I did I said fuck it. And you know what I did first? I started to stop cleaning my room . Might sound sumb to whoeevernreadingthis but yeah I fucking stopped cleaning my room after 12 years of being an empty shell I was finnaly breaking in I was being me. A me that I created a ghost from breaking from a shell a shell that I knee my ehole life and now fast forward 3 years im the guy everybody know lightskin non chanlant noncare in the world . But what rhey dont know about are my demons how I have stressfull moments moments that I stress so much I sit down and cry and cry for hours alone in the dark not botheringnnobody . Anyways nobody care for me. This is me a shell a ghost a build up image that was created upon imperfection upon judgement. I just fuckinf love her man I may not be perfect but I know that I love I dont know where I wanna be in life what I wanna do what I will be im not like the others but one thing I know is Inam the one that will make her happy not these other guyys. Maybe I should just die.
Erase this empty shell from the atmosphere. I wiuld stop bringing problem to everybody I meet. Now that I think about it I havent brought one good thing to someone in my life. Im a real life dreamcatcher I destroy everythinf in my passage and dont leave a crumble. Look at what I become a money hungry piece of shit. Lol. Life is funny . Life comes at you so fast.
