I'm nobody's b!tch

Part 16: Ache

I'd be okay with Silas' staring and Ignoring me if it had only happened for a little while, but when it's been going on for three fucking days, you know something is wrong... I intend to find out what the fuck is going on... And so, before Silas can even exit the classroom i grab his arm and pull him into the hallway. He looks a bit nervous, but with a sigh, he has realized that he won't be escaping me... "Mind explaining the 'staring holes into the back of my head and then running away like a sissy' thing you've got going on?" i glare harshly at him. He shakes his head "It's nothing..." and crosses his arms awkwarldy "Nothing... Right... That doesn't really explain why you've been staring at me..." i hiss, tapping the ground impatiently with my foot. Silas bites his lower lip, gazing around the room. He then clicks his tongue and pulls at his hair "Look, it's nothing... I just have to sort out a few things, i'd appreciate it if you'd just leave me alone for now!" he hisses and hurries down the hall.

My jaw drops open, but i manage to scream a "Right back at you, Asshole!" i turn swiftly and i stomp off in the opposite direction. How dares he!? He's the one who's been making me uncomfortable, and he tells me to back off!? Fuck that! I ignore Tessa's worried glance and i somehow make my way towards my room. Fuck my chest hurts... And now my head is starting to ring too. The hurt in my chest is a bit different than the ache i usually experience. Feels more like it did when mom told me she was sending me here...

Not that i feel betrayed by Silas, but it doesn't make any sense! First he refuses to leave me alone, and now he's ignoring me completely... It's just not fair! Trying to make me dependent on him and then just leaving me... Well played you bloodsucking ass... Well played...

I huff, shifting a bit so that i can lie more comfortably. Damn it, i'm so angry... I frown, clenching and unclenching my fist. The question is- why am i so angry? I mean, Silas is just an idiot... It doesn't matter what he says or does, yet it's reeeaaally nagging at me... The ache in my chest still feels like the betrayal kind... Now could it be that i've become this attached to him? I mean, him telling me to fuck off shouldn't exactly hurt me... Yet it does... I frown, i wish i at least knew what was wrong...

Perhaps a nap will clear up my mind, at least for a little bit...

No, it really didn't... Not only couldn't i fall asleep, my thoughts keep rushing back to our confrotntation today... Fuck this isn't like me at all! I mean, i have been involved with people before, but this- this is different... I'm acting like a lovestruck teenager! I do realize that i am a teenager, but jeesus fucking christ man! I'm definately not in love with Silas! No way in hell!

Even though there's nobody in the room suggesting otherwise, my face flushes bright red. Oh no... Oh god if you exist please, please tell me it isn't like that! Oh my god i would pay, pay! To not have to go through this shit! I shake my head "Calm down kendal, think about this!" i scold myself. "Do you think he's attractive?" I think about it for a moment... I could definitely say no, but that would be a blatant lie, he's fucking gorgeous... "D-do i like his personality?" easy answer to that one: Hell no, i hate it... Whether he's an ass or not he's still a vampire...

"If he wasn't a vampire, would i date him?" i ponder out loud. Silas seems like the jealous over-protective boyfriend type... The kind that would scream bloody-murder if you as much as glance at another guy, but acts all sweet and puppy like when alone... That's a definite no... Actually that's a "Not on your life!"

"Would i want him to kiss me?" Well, he's already done that... The thought of it makes me blush and i'm tempted to slap myself. "Fine, changing the question... Would i want him to do me?" just the thought makes me shiver. No, definately not... He might have treated me kinder than usual, but he still nearly killed me twice in one day... So no, i would not leave my body in his hands...

A smile creeps onto my face, that proves it! I'm not in love with him! I laugh out loud, and if anybody else had been there, they'd probably think i was insane... You know, talking and giggling to myself as if i was keeping some secret... But hey, i sorted out my thoughts and didn't embarrass myself by thinking i'm in love with Silas, so i guess that's a plus!

Not in love, but i might have the smallest crush on him, considering... I never blush when i think of people that have kissed me before... Even with tongue... So i guess my affections for him go that far... I'm tempted to laugh, if he knew the old me, i bet he would despise me... Well, he might already do, with the staring i mean... Perhaps he's found out that i'm not a person he should chase after, that thought kind of hurts, but if it's just because of a little crush, then it'll go away if he keeps ignoring me like now, i know this because of experience...

I wonder how Tessa or Charlie would react if they knew the old me... When i think about it, if i hadn't been sent here, i would most likely still be like that... So if i try to look at it positively, i guess mom kind of saved me there huh?

I hope i'll be able to visit before i die, to deliver the news...

I can't keep laying in bed just thinking about these things... I need some air... I stand up on my goddamned wobbly legs and head out to get some fresh air.
I don't get far however, before i hear Tessa's growl of outrage "Explain yourself!" She demands. I hear a familliar huff and i freeze in my tracks. "Why? Why should i tell you anything?" Silas' voice is low, threatening almost, and Tessa stomps her foot in response "Because i'm his friend! And i think he deserves to know!" It's not that hard to hear who they're talking about, so i press myself against the wall to listen. I really don't fucking care if eavesdropping is rude or not, they're talking about me, maybe i'll actually get a response out of them?

"Fine, i'll tell you..." Silas sighs, i can imagine him pulling at his coal-black locks. Tessa says nothing, and so Silas says "I admit, i may have some feelings of affections for him, and before you start teasing let me finish-" he interrupts her before she even gets a word in, before continuing, and what he says next, threatens to make me fall over "I- i just can't deal with it Tessa... I just can't... I can't even look at him without being reminded of the fact that he'll-" instead of finishing he sighs.

Because i'm dying? T-thats why he's been ignoring me? "You're saying you've been flirting with him, kissing him, trying to make him fall for you, just so you can throw him away when you've acheived it?" Tessa's voice flares dangerously. I can't move, the meaning of what he's saying is too much for me... I know i just established that i don't love him, that it's just a crush but still... It's too painful for me to keep listening, yet i can't move...

"He's dying Tessa, dying! I can't handle that... How can you expect me to love him when he's dying!?" Silas cries desperately, and for a minute i wonder the same... Who would want a loved one to go through something like that? Knowing that everytime you look at them, they'll be reminded that they're going to be dead in a few years, or maybe even days?

"You disappoint me Silas... If Sienna was dying; do you think i would just abandon her? No, i would make sure the time she had left would be the time of her life, that she'd be happy to the bitter end..." She growls, i can hear that she's on the verge of crying, but then again, so am i...

"I'm not you Tessa... And neither am i in a relationship with Kendal... You don't know how it feels..." He tries to defend. "Of course i know how it feels!" She shouts, and i can clearly hear the quake in her voice "He's my best friend Silas, how can you tell me i don't know!? You're not the only one hurting you know! But i-" she sniffles, and my heart seems to break i to a gazillion pieces "I just have to put on a brave face you know? For his sake..." She finishes, and my feet collapse underneath me. The ache in my chest goes from aching, to searing pain. Partially because of hurt, partially because of the poison, and partially of guilt... I'm casuing them pain, this is my fault... All my fault...

Silas remains quiet, and that's it, i can't listen to this anymore... I somehow get up on my feet, using the wall as support as i half run, half wobble down the hallway, tears stinging my eyes and lump in my throat.

A/N: So yeup, another chapter ready for you guys! This one was actually written on my ipad, so excuse anny typos i might have overlooked... I want to warn you now though, the next few chapters are going to get really sappy and depressing, just saying... Anyway, hope you enjoyed!

Stay classy~~