My teacher told us how people see the devil.red body,big tail and a pair of horns.she asked us how we see it.well I see it as everything that takes freedom away from me.my illness,my vices and mrs.mom.I don't want to say she is the devil but the devil generally means to us every single bad thing.someone that punishes us.that harms us.and she did.and she still does.since I stopped talking about personal things and triggering subjects,we've been getting along.we watch horror movies and make silly comments but nothing more.she lays with me while I read or do my homework.silent.the air thickens but it feels right on my lungs.I kind of miss silence.I create scenarios in my head,I solve things with myself and it calms me.when I think just the right amount.but I feel like I'm living my friends and relatives lives.and that is not ok.I want to be recognized and I won't If I'm someones shadow.I'm afraid I might say something wrong.I've been broken too many times and I don't want to be at pieces again.you can only put baind-aids on a wound for a limited amount of times,and they don't fix bullet holes.I am never the same as I was when I break.I always lose a bit of myself,my sanity.one day I will lose my sanity and myself altogether.Maybe it will be in the same day I will turn into dust after my lungs stop.I find myself setting fire to my insides too often.regardless,I am changing for the best a bubbly teenager living in a battlefield that goes to a public school can be.It is difficult having nightmares everytime I close my eyes and it is also hard having migraines all the time.It's not that I have the strenght to be happy it's that I have to be.
JJ: "what's wrong"
Me: "nothing."
JJ: "say it."
Me: "nothing.really."
JJ: "stop it.say it"
Me: "I swear.what do you want me to say?"
JJ: "I know you are sad and if you are I am too.just say it woman!"
and after an hour or two I end up saying more than I should.and he listens.and he cares.and he helps.and he has never been through it but he understands.and I love him.my existence is not all about me and what I want.I am part of a family.I have friends and I have a boyfriend.the one that has the key to my heart and mind.I have a future and there is a tomorrow I gotta think of.I have plans.and I only want to die alive.
I am really comfortable with the situation but it's different from being really happy.I just need to think more...I need more silence...I need more peace shhhh...
YOU ARE READING
Glory & Gore
Non-FictionMia is a normal girl,or so you think.Mia kathryn is 17 years old and is,in fact,an unique girl.when she finds her old notebook she keeps it and starts dragging it everywhere she goes.haunted by who she is,who she wants to be and who her ghosts tell...
