Mère

Chapter 11

After Vanessa’s incident, I went to Abel and told him everything that happened. I was feeling better by then. Abel told me not to make too big of a deal, of what happened with Vanessa.
“So, how’s Daniel doing now?”, I asked
“He’s doing a lot better. The wound on his jaw healed well.”
“Do you think he would be willing to talk to me?”
“Maybe, you should go alone though, it will make it more sincere.”
“Alright…”. I went over to Daniel’s house. He was home alone again. I knocked on his door and he answered.
“What do you want?”, he asked
“Listen…what I did was wrong…I admit that…I’m sorry.”
“That’s not going to heal my face.”
“I know…you still look handsome though.”
He smiled. “No thanks to you.”
“Are we cool?”
“Yeah.”. We hugged. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about what I said about Vanessa.”
“It’s okay…”, I said while looking at the ground
“What’s wrong?”, he asked. I told him about what happened with Vanessa. “That dumbass Jason, doesn’t he know not to give Vodka as a first drink to a non-drinker.”
“Well, you certainly are the expert.”, I smirked
“I’m going to take that as a compliment, but anyway, what happened to her?”
“I don’t know…she hasn’t answered her phone.”
“That’s probably because she’s grounded.”
“You think so?”
“What would your mother do if she knew you drank here so many times?”
“Murder me.”, I said
“Okay true.”
I also told him about what I said to Jason, and he told me not to do anything stupid. I agreed. Soon, we got back to school and the time for the competition had come. There were four judges, one of which was Mr. Palmer. There were various students from the senior grades who took part in the competition and the Judges would decide who had the best speeches. They had to choose two of the best speeches and the students who wrote those speeches would have to write another speech, so that a final winner could be determined between the two. We were in the school hall and everyone from different classes, from the senior grades, were there, so there were around a six hundred students. Some of the other students told their speeches one after the other. The judges didn’t seem too impressed. Abel went shortly after them and told his speech. Daniel and I listened from the audience.
“Gooday to my fellow students and the judges. Today, I would like to enlighten you on Carl Jung and some of his most profound topics. The-Self is an idea, concocted by Jung, to describe an ultimate mode of being, where one’s unconscious mind is subsumed into the conscious realm, of which we are aware of. It is a state of awareness where humans are no longer circumscribed by the strings of the puppeteer, that is the unconscious mind. Jung himself admitted that The-Self is an unattainable goal, for it is human nature to become victims of our unconscious minds, however, this does not mean that striving for the goal of The-Self does not possess any utility, for, in the pursuit of The-Self, one gains the knowledge of how to bring one’s unconscious mind to the forefront of conscious conceptualization, in small doses, thus, materializing our true potential to the greatest extent that we can.
To attain The-Self, one must learn to integrate one’s unconscious mind, called “The Shadow”, into one’s conscious mind, called “The Ego”. This requires a deep introspection of your mind and requires you to stare into the abyss until something stares back at you. What stares back at you, will be you, the darkness of you, the darkness you are capable of. This is The Shadow, for it is the part of you that you suppress into your unconscious mind, for it contradicts the moral image you try to portray in society. The reason why you suppress it, is because it is not a pleasant part of your being, as it is the side of you that is capable of great moral evil, in the form of excessive aggression, proclivity to violence, hatred, and all that encompasses the beastly side of humanity. When one tries to fully suppress their Shadow there are generally two consequences, projection and/or possession.
Projection is the unconscious painting of the world in the colours of your shadow, for example, if one is excessively anti-social, this is an aspect of The Shadow, and if one does not address the issue, of excessive anti-social behaviour, by facing it, one can end up projecting the hatred of oneself, for being anti-social, onto other people, like when an anti-social person sees a group of social people conversing, the anti-social person may feel like the social group is doing something wrong to him/her and may feel like something is wrong with the group, when in actuality there is something wrong with the anti-social person. Possession is when The Shadow takes over The Ego, resulting in you emulating the dark side of your unconscious mind in its totality. This phenomenon has been observed throughout history, from Hitler, Stalin, Mao, etc. It is the result of not taming one’s Shadow and letting yourself become truly overcome by your darkness.
The second part of the unconscious mind is known as the archetypes of Animus-Anima, which are related to masculinity and femininity. When a man has feminine characteristics, such as compassion, empathy, desire to nurture, these amalgamate to form the male’s Anima. The same goes for when a female possesses masculine characteristics, such as assertiveness, aggression, and protectiveness, which amalgamate to form the Animus. These subconscious masculine and feminine tendencies must be integrated into one’s being however they are difficult to reconcile with our conscious existence as a man or woman. For example, if there is a man, who is an extreme brute, it could take a long time for that man to recognize his capacity for empathy, compassion and to integrate that into his heavily masculine persona. The same goes for a woman, who is perhaps too agreeable, for it may be difficult for her to adopt the masculine trait of aggression to assert herself and not be pushed around. Once a man realizes that he possesses an inner Anima and once a woman realizes that she possesses an inner Animus, it is necessary to bring these unconscious archetypes to The Ego, which is your conscious thought processes, to use their benefits and throw away their negatives.
Like the Shadow, there can be a projection and/or a possession of The Ego, by the Animus-Anima. The projection of the Animus-Anima, unlike The Shadow, is projected mainly on individuals, specifically the opposite sex, for The Shadow tends to be projected onto the world, making it seem like a more malevolent place than it is. An example of the projection of the Anima can be, when a man sees a woman that he finds particularly attractive, for her looks, intelligence or interests, as the man sees these qualities as positive because they reflect the qualities of his inner Anima and eventually the man can claim to have “fallen in love” with this woman. The man, however, has only projected the positive aspects of the Anima onto this woman, which makes her seem like the perfect woman, thus, making him blind to her flaws. Therefore, the man hasn’t fallen in love with her, he has fallen in love with, what he doesn’t realize is, the manifestation of his inner Anima, by projecting it onto this woman, thus, making her seem like some sort of angelic figure. The possession of the Animus-Anima over The Ego, takes the form of the archetypes taking over The Ego and creating an avatar of the Animus-Anima. This results in men, who have been Anima possessed, having irrational moods and women, who have been Animus possessed, having irrational opinions.
To bring The-Self into materialization, one must bring all that we are, in the present moment, into harmony with all that we could be. Like The Shadow and Animus-Anima, The-Self can possess too, in the form of The-Self possessing The Ego as the form of a judge, as The-Self is an ideal and ideals are judges, for if you don’t live up to the ideal that you possess, then the ideal possesses you. In other words, when you don’t meet the standards of an ideal of yours, that ideal can make you feel guilty of not living up to the standard, set by the ideal, like a judge. The Ego, however, can also possess The-Self, in the form of “Ego inflation”. This takes place when The Ego sees The-Self within and assumes that The-Self is The Ego. The Ego assumes that it is the totality of The-Self, thus, acts out in fallacious arrogance and “holier than thou” stature, most common in celebrities. To prevent this, one must not let The-Self take control over The Ego and one must not assume that one is The-Self. Instead we must treat the self as an autonomous being and something to strive toward. The-Self has been portrayed throughout history in various forms, however, the highest forms of The-Self, and a divine state of complete being, have been in the forms of deities or gods. The highest portrayed form of The-Self and utter completeness of one’s being has been, in Carl Jung’s opinion, elucidated in the form of Jesus Christ.
The reason why we worship gods is because they represent The-Self, however, one divine figure seems to have outlasted and proved to be the most followed over all others, Jesus. Most of the world is Christian, but why? People seem to resonate with Jesus and His story more than with any other religious figure, so much so, that Western civilization was predicated on Christian beliefs and values, such as the idea that all human beings are inherently, intrinsically valuable. Without these values the West would not have developed into what it is now, however, the Christian values in the West are under attack by Atheism, as Atheists wish to abolish Christianity, for its “irrationality”, along with all other religions. Carl Jung, Friedrich Nietzsche and Fyodor Dostoevsky all saw this coming, long before our time and they were all harsh critics of this facile ideology, for if the greatest symbol of The-Self and all the moral standards, set by religion and expected of human beings, are eradicated, civilization shall fall into an absolute decay into animalism and anarchy. Of course, this wouldn’t be immediate, however, a pernicious path is worse than going nowhere slowly, for it is going into a permanent Hell circuitously.
Jung defined Christ as a being of duality and emphasised the importance of duality, in bringing balance to your being. “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.” – Revelations. Without the darkness that Christ had to face via the “descensus ad inferos” or the descent of Christ’s soul into Hell, He would not have fully actualized His Self and without His darkness His light would have no dimension. The only tenable pathway to the divine is through the pursuit of The-Self, for even Jesus Himself stated “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” In this essence of duality and the necessity of opposites, there is an idea proposed by Jung that is quite terrifying. For two thousand years, the Christian faith has prevailed in the West and spread out to other parts of the world, as Christ is seen as the ultimate symbol of The-Self and since Christ is symbolized as the light and since Jung constantly emphasizes the necessity of opposites, the only logical inference to believing that Christ is a symbol of the light is that there must also be a symbol of the dark too. Jung characterizes this as the Antichrist, for it is the necessary opposite of Christ. “Every spirit that dissolveth Jesus… is Antichrist… of whom you have heard that he cometh.” – 1 John. Jung characterizes the extrapolation of the Antichrist in science and technological development. Note that he was not condemning science, for he has stated that he does acknowledge it’s utility, however, with the necessity of opposites as a prerequisite for the dialectic, one can assume that science has negative impacts as well. While some Atheists may characterize the “fall of religion” as a triumph, Carl Jung, an Agnostic, and Friedrich Nietzsche foresaw what that would do to the moral systems implemented into Western civilisation by Christianity. Without the symbol of Christ as The-Self, two inimical consequences would result, one being the advent of nihilism, which is the worship of nothing and the other being the advent of totalitarianism, which is the worship of the State or system of governance. We have already seen what a worship of the State looks like through the study of Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Mao Zedong. The notion of the worship of nihilism is no better, as people would come to a disillusionment, as a result of realizing that life is ultimately meaningless. In the worst cases, of people finding that suffering unjustifiably is the ultimate mode of being, people may result in committing suicide, to remonstrate life, as they find that the concept of being alive to suffer for no reason at all is repugnant.
Carl Jung was not afraid to recognize the utility of Christianity; however, he did not stray away from criticizing it either. One of his biggest criticisms of Christianity, was its dogma of God being an all-encompassing good, for Jung was an advocate of opposites. “Evil is not a substance, for it has not God for its author, it does not exist; and so, the defect of corruption is nothing else than the desire or act of a misdirected will.” – St. Augustine. “One can hardly call the things that happened, and still happen, in the concentration camps of the dictator states an “accidental lack of perfection”- it would sound like mockery.” – Carl Jung. Jung further criticizes the Christian doctrine by saying that the God of the Old Testament is not commensurate with the Christian “Pravatio Boni” (The notion that evil is of no substance). Jung seems to favour the Jewish conception of God, for in the Jewish conception of God, through Carl Jung’s eyes, God is the sum of all good and evil, in keeping with Jung’s necessity of opposites. Jung uses the cases of God destroying Sodom and Gomorrah, the story of Noah and Job, and the story of God taking the lives of all the first-born sons of Egypt, except for those with lamb’s blood on their door frame, to explain his point. He says that these are signs of God not being an all-encompassing good, thus, resulting in the Pravatio Boni being flawed. My problem with this ideology is that it is predicated on the presupposition that God is incapable of evil acts, however, what if He is? What if God is capable of malevolence, yet chooses benevolence every time, as a result of His will, for it is the discernment of good and evil, and the wilful choice of good over evil, that constitutes morality. In Christianity, evil seems to be extantiated by the Devil and materialized by his acts. This seems to be in keeping with the idea of the necessity of opposites and, at the same time, seems to allow for the notion that evil is simply a separation from God, for it implies that people who do evil acts are choosing to have an absence of God in their lives, in the moment that they do the evil act, and are effectively choosing the Devil, who is separate from God, thus, echoing the idea of evil being an absence of God. Whether or not this means that evil is of any substance is a different dilemma, for if evil is of any substance, then it must be something that can stand on its own. Is darkness substance or just the absence of light? Is cold substance or just the absence of heat? Is suffering substance or just the absence of joy? Is evil substance or just the absence of good, and more specifically, God?
For evil to be of substance it would have to be able to exist without any presence of good and vice versa. Can benevolence exist by itself? If God is the creator of the universe and all the laws, physical and moral, that govern it, then whatever He deems to be good IS good. Therefore, if He exists, and His will exists, then good exists, however, the question of whether evil is of any substance still stands. If God exists, then good exists, but is this good spread throughout the universe, so that it is our default nature to be good? It doesn’t seem so, for if it were, a lot more people would be happy. Perhaps the default nature of existence is suffering? Perhaps we made it so? That seems about right. Since we have made it so, does this materialize evil, as it is a default nature of being? Does this mean that God created evil? No. We chose this path, all of us. We all ate the apple. We were all deceived by the serpent. We still eat the apple and we are still deceived by the serpent. We are mired by our inadequacies and assuage our guilt by asking for forgiveness. In our pursuit of The-Self, we fall short, for we could never live up to what Jesus is, but we can try, and that’s the whole point. Thank you.”
I was stupefied, and so was the entire hall. We all applauded him as he left the stage. He looked at me and winked, and I showed him the middle finger. After a few other students, my time had finally come. My heart was racing as I climbed the steps to the stage. Abel and Daniel sat in the front row for me. Before I could start, I noticed Vanessa, with her hand in the air, sitting somewhere in the middle of the audience. I smiled and then I began.
“Gooday to my fellow students and the Judges. Today I will be speaking about Evil. What is evil? Evil seems to be that which unsettles the soul. It incites chaos within us, as it rattles our perception of what humanity is capable of. It is an all-encompassing, abstract figure, which subsumes all that are driven by it. Those who are driven by it are those who we scorn, for they challenge what we think of people and ourselves. One would not wish, naturally, that an evil person is anything but evil, for that would allude the possibility that one has the propensity for the same malevolence. Not only is such an ideology facile, it is a farce, for what makes evil so evil, is that it had the capability to be good, yet was evil, nonetheless. Evil is not a particular person or thing, even though it is commonly extantiated by figures such as the devil. It is what resides in all people, and the repudiation of this maxim is a sign of someone who has not plunged into the depths of their being. One must swim through the murky waters of one’s introspect to be able to articulate one’s self, which entails staring into darkness, however, this does not mean that you should look somewhere outside for darkness, for you shroud plenty of it in yourself. It echoes through you like an empty cave, for in each of us there is someone unknown, therefore, someone we fear.
What makes evil so terrifying is not that it is some hulking monstrosity, with eyes of blood, and fangs of malice. It does not lurk out in the shadows or wait outside for you. It is not under your bed, or in your closet waiting for you. No, what makes evil so terrifying is the fact that it looks like you. It is in every person you have ever met, every person you have ever loved, and worst of all, evil is what stares back at you as you stare into the abyss. What stares back at you is darkness itself, however, it is not something foreign, but is a reflection, as it is you staring back at you. This is not an attempt to vilify humanity, nor is it me attempting to use an a priori structural framework of ethics to infer that humanity falls on the side of evil rather than good, but is an attempt to unveil the canonical façade of the idea that you, or anyone, is a good person, for that is an impossibility. Evil is terrifying because it is indistinguishable and hides in plain sight. As much as we would like for it to be distinct, so that we can point at it from our ivory pedestal and say, “that’s the bad guy”, it is impossible, for it looks like us, and is in us. An insouciance toward one’s darkness results in that darkness stretching out its roots into our spirit, so much so, that its wings envelop our persona, to such an extent, that it becomes commensurate with what we portray in reality. If you do not conceptualize your predisposition for malevolence, then you shall be ensconced within it, like a bird trapped in tar, your feathers become blackened and your being becomes stained.
Psychologist, Carl Jung was keen on self-discovery, and believed that the key to the actualization of the unconscious and conscious mind lied within the concept of discovering one’s “shadow”. “How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side if I am to be whole.”, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.”, “Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off a portion of one’s being, but by an integration of the contraries.” – Carl Jung. The process of discovering and integrating one’s dark side is an arduous endeavour, for it entails one of the most difficult tasks any human can face, that is, to explore one’s mind. The mind is a horrifying place, for in it lies the truth. The truth is not shrouded by darkness but is rather so bright that we choose not to look at it. That is why so many of the youth choose to escape from the-self using drugs and alcohol, for those substances encumber our consciousness, to the extent that they cannot explore the darkness of their minds, even though that exploration is precisely what would cure them of whatever ailment plagued them in the first place, whether it was depression, anxiety or loneliness. We all, too often, fall prey to a cornucopia of ulterior forces that puppeteer our conscious perception of the universe. This is a subsequent product of not realizing that one even has ulterior forces, for ignorance is a blindfold that we willingly use to assuage our consciousness. The more conscious we become, the more aware we are of ourselves and our surroundings, which, at first, is a terrible thing, as we become overwhelmed with the crux of reality, which is that we are alive in a world full of that which wishes to end us, and are caught in a purgatory between oblivion and utter amalgamation with the mind of the universe itself.
To know evil is to know oneself and to see evil is to see oneself. The mirror of self-realization is called upon through solidarity, for in our moments alone, discernment creeps into the light. It is important to learn to be alone, and, more importantly, to learn how to be comfortable with being alone. People often busy themselves with their contention with the outer world, while their inner world runs rampant with dichotomies, that render them hypocritical, and promiscuous emotions, the preponderance of, results in inimical idiosyncrasies that lash out against anyone that would dare to question them. The veneer of complacency often renders the perception of an individual, with such a surface, inconsequential, for you cannot help someone see themselves if who you are speaking to isn’t even who they really are. The journey of self-realization is one that must be taken alone, yet so few are willing, for being alone is one of the true fears of a human. We put so much of ourselves and our worth onto other people that when they leave, we are left broken and feel irreparable. One must become comfortable with the insanity of standing alone in the dark, for that engages the dialectic with your unconsciousness. When you truly see into your own shadow you will see what evil you are capable of, when left untrammelled by morality or conscious thought, however, one should not be contemptuous of one’s evil but should seek to understand it. An excellent way of realizing one’s malevolent capability is by reading histories tragedies, not as a hero, not as a victim, but as the perpetrators. Imagine if you were a guard at Auschwitz or a soldier of the Soviet Union and imagine if you did the things that they did. Even more, imagine if you enjoyed it. Humans commit evil acts with ingenuity…and with skill…like we’re artists of pain.”, I looked at Vanessa and winked at her
“This should awaken you to the possibility that you are capable of great evil, yet do not fear, for it is one’s capability to be evil that makes the choice of good over evil have any dimension. You cannot be moral without having the capability to be immoral, for if you had no choice but to be moral, then your morality would not be morality at all, but would rather be a programming. When we choose good over evil then morality has meaning, therefore one must recognize the evil in themselves, so that they can run away from that and toward the light. The darkness gives the light a form, one cannot exist without the other, therefore, one should learn the obfuscated line between the two and navigate that line with the truth. The truth is that, although we are all capable of great evil, we are also capable of great good. We walk through life with a torch, to prudently exonerate ourselves of our shackles of despondency, caused by the lack of conscious insight into our minds. One of my greatest wishes is not to teach, for what do I know, but to inspire thought, and the provocation of incisive questions, which cause deep peering’s into the recluse nature of philosophy and to help people mitigate their helplessness to themselves, for the human struggle, of the unknown austere malevolence within oneself, is one humanity faces together. Thank you.”
The audience cheered. Daniel and Abel stood up in their seats and applauded. The Judges went off into a back room to discuss who should move on to the final round. Meanwhile Abel and I spoke about our speeches, with Daniel. The judges then came back and announced that Abel and I would be in the final round. We looked at each other and we hugged. After the competition was over, I saw Vanessa outside of the hall. I asked her to come with me around to the back.
“Listen, Sebastian…I’m sorry about what happened…I-”. I grabbed her and kissed her.
“I’m just happy you’re okay.”, I said. She hugged me.