Revenge of the Chungus

Summer 2019. After a far-too-long life of exploitation for karma, the Big Chungus meme is finally laid to rest. The mortician turns to his colleague as he buries the corpse of the Chungus under six feet of dirt. "That'll hold him alright," he says with a chuckle. "Whatever, Harold," the other man replied. They walk off, knowing nothing of what was to come.

October 31st, 2020. Halloween. The night when memes rise from the dead. Or so it goes, according to Reddit. Whether by sheer luck or the cruelty of fate, the same morticians have been assigned to bury Spooktober this year right next to Big Chungus's grave. Not a glance is spared towards the headstone of the Chungus as they walk by. But suddenly, a rectangle of dirt bursts open like a trap door, thudding against the ground next to the headstone. The morticians look to each other, eyes wide with fear, then slowly turn towards the grave. Above the dirt, they can make out the disfigured head of a chubby rabbit, with its ears rotten and drooped over, and its face so decayed that they could see its skull poking out. They turn to each other, exchange a glance, and almost at the same time, they frightfully utter the words, "Chungus. Big Chungus." It calmly walks out of the dirt as if ascending a staircase, and the morticians' jaws drop with fear as they take in its appearance. The chipped, yellow teeth, the bones poking out of its wretched toes, the cracks among its large belly, the white gloves turned brown from the dirt and torn from the age.

The men hold still, paralyzed with fear, until the Chungus breaks the silence with its shrill, twisted voice. "That'll hold em alwight. Hehehehehehe." Its laugh was somewhere between a teasing chuckle and a maniacal roar. It turns to the morticians, staring at them with its soulless eyes, taunting them with one more word, "Phooey."

The men break into a sprint, stumbling over rough dirt as they flee from the undead rabbit. "Wait, those memes are actually coming back from the dead?" asks Harold. "I thought it was a joke."

"SHUT UP AND RUN!" responds the other man. But it was too late. Big Chungus had caught up to them. The night was still, save for two hopeless screams, each followed by a squelch.

The Chungus grinned. It had waited months to get its revenge on all those who exploited it, and now the time was finally here. With the power of Ultra Instinct it had attained in the land of the dead, it instantly located the CEO of Reddit. The last thing Spez heard was "Nothing personnel, kid," as Big Chungus teleported behind him, drew its cursed blade, the Chungusword, and sliced him in half.

Satisfied, Big Chungus turned to all the others in the room before unleashing a burst of flame, igniting the entire building and scorching all of those inside. Reddit Headquarters was gone.

Word got out quickly on Reddit. Some were horrified that they might lose their platform. A few were worried about the loss of life, most didn't care. But two Redditors in particular, u/IAMG0D420 and u/Pissboi, were determined to save Reddit at any cost.

"Here's what we know. Big Chungus wants to get revenge by destroying Reddit," said G0D.

"Hasn't he already done that?" asked Pissboi.

"Dude, we're literally talking on Reddit right now," responded G0D. "If he wants to destroy Reddit, he'll have to go after... the servers."

Pissboi grinned at his screen. In his years of shitposting on the internet, he has learned everything there is to know about technology, including mastering hacking. He got to work immediately, executing his file "hack.exe" and typing "Reddit server location."

"I've hacked into the mainframe and disabled the algorithms," he said to G0D as his Google Search returned that the servers are located in San Francisco. They both immediately started Naruto running over, G0D getting there first since he lived closer.

G0D arrived to the sound of server racks crashing over and rabbit fists against metal. Upon noticing his arrival, Big Chungus hopped up and turned to him. "I am inevitable," it said with a grin.

"And I... am God 420," said the redditor, resolute fury in his voice. "While you were plotting to destroy Reddit, I studied the blade." He drew his replica of The Elucidator from Sword Art Online, and charged at Big Chungus. But his weeaboo skills were no match for the Chungus's will. In an instant, it drew its Chungusword and parried G0D's blow, breaking his intricate plastic sword in two, the top half flying off behind him.

"NO! THAT COST THREE MONTHS OF ALLOWANCE!" screamed G0D. He was about to give up, but then Pissboi arrived on the scene.

"You can't give up, 420. We can't lose to the normies. We'd have to use Instagram."

"We could use Twitter," replied G0D.

"But Twitter would call us racist!" exclaimed Pissboi.

"We are racist," said G0D.

"Exactly. And that's why we have to fight. For Reddit! For Karma!" Pissboi ran at the Chungus, but he was too late. Big Chungus placed its decayed, oversized rabbit foot on G0D's chest and pressed down.

With the last of his breath, IAMG0D420 looked up towards Pissboi and said, "That was truly wholesome 100. I have one thing to ask of you."

Pissboi started to tear up. "What is it?"

"If you do manage to save Reddit..." his voice started to fade away. "Post my favorite video game on r/gaming and say your friend died. You'll get so many awards." He closed his eyes as Big Chungus's foot finally crushed him.

"You MONSTER! No, even worse, you NORMIE!" shouted Pissboi, as he attempted to tackle Big Chungus, filled with desperate rage.

But his strength was not enough. The rabbit was too big. Too chungus. He bounced off its squishy, rotten belly. Big Chungus drew its Chungusword once more and impaled Pissboi through the stomach. He could only watch as the Chungus wrecked the servers. It once again summoned a burst of flame, setting the room on fire. It turned away from Pissboi and slowly walked into the distance. As Pissboi's life flickered away, so did Reddit. Something went wrong.