Dear Aaron,
I'm not over you. Okay? I'm sorry. I know you have a girlfriend, but my feelings will never change. I see you hug her in the hallways, and kiss her on the cheek, and tell her you love her. It hurts my heart. Everyday, I wonder if today will be the day that you will let her go, and go out with me. That you will walk over to me, and sweep me off my feet, and kiss me and love me the way that you love her.
But no. We will always be "just friends".
The worst part is though, you tease me with your stupid flirting.
Its either you like me or you don't. Please don't come over to me and flirt the shit out of me, and then make me feel horrible because I know it will never happen. I know you flirt with a lot of girls, and it doesn't affect them like it does me. They haven't had a crush on you for 8 months, and they don't care about what you do. I do though. So please stop.
But yet, I love it. So much.
You make funny faces at me and hug me and tease me. You are one of my best friends, so it seems like a friendly thing right?
It might seem like that to you, but not to me.
When you do those things though, it gives me a spark of energy. Something roars to life inside of my heart, like you are lighting a match and setting everything on fire. It makes me feel all tingly inside, and it gives me the best feeling ever. Its like a drug, and I'm addicted to loving you.
Maybe thats why I cant seem to let you go.
When I saw you today, in your nice blue striped shirt and dress pants, my heart skipped a beat. It knocked the wind out of me. I was just like, whoa. He is just so perfect. Is that even possible?!
Do you ever think about me that way? Even though you are going out with Madi?
I highly doubt it.
You know, the other day, Desia told me that you and I should go out. She saw us teasing each other and messing around during class, and she thought it was cute. A couple of my other friends think we would be cute together too.
What do your friends think?
They probably just think I'm an ugly loser. Right? Right.
I definately see us together. I see you with your arms wrapped around me, slowing dancing in circles to a beautiful love song. I see us laughing and messing around with each other. I see us taking cute couple pictures, and laying by the fireplace, and cuddling and watching movies together.
But I have to tell myself that all of those things are a fairytale.
I remember when I first met you last year.
It was the class field trip. We were on our way down to Baltimore, Maryland, and you sat in front of me on the coach bus.
It was like we were instant friends.
We were taking pictures together, and laughing, and telling jokes. I got your phone number about 3 minutes after we said Hello. It was awesome. I didn't actually start liking you until after the whole trip was over though and we were on our way back.
You had given me the rest of your monster energy drink, and I was sitting there with my new baby blue snapback on that I bought in one of the giftshops. You said, here, let me try it on! So, I gave it to you, and you put it on. It looked perfect on you. It matched your bright blue eyes, and it made your brown hair lay in just the right way.
It was then that I knew that I liked you.
You probably brush that day off like it was nothing though. Don't you?
Ugh. I cant even do this anymore. You are going to make me cry again.
Again? Yes. Again.
The day that I told you I liked you, I cried. It might have been only a few silent tears, but it was the first time I ever cried over a guy.
Yours and my friend Shelly and I were sitting at the park, and it was 2 days before school ended. So, I decided to tell you how I felt. I took Shelly's phone and started texting you. ( My phone was dead.) I wrote out this one huge message, saying how I liked you since Baltimore and everything. And signed ~ Sarah at the end so you knew it was me. You answered saying you knew this was coming and you were glad that I finally said something. You were so sweet and kind, and I had a huge burst of hope that you liked me too.
I texted you on Shelly's phone until I was walking home with her and I finally had to give her her phone back. I told you that I would see you tomorrow at the swim party ( which was the end of the year party), and to text me on my phone.
Your response was, and I quote, " I thought this was your phone?"
You sir, are a dumbass.
You didn't even read the end of the message did you?! You didn't see the little dash Sarah at the end at all.
You thought I was Shelly.
Which was the person you actually liked.
Well, do you wanna know what I did?
I ran home and cried.
I just wish I didn't have to go through seeing you with Madi, who takes you for granted. She treats you like trash, and doesn't even appreciate the love you give her. You hug her, and kiss her, and tell her you love her, and she just shrugs it off like its nothing.
I would be the best girlfriend ever! I would love you until forever ends, and be loyal, and do things for you.
Yet, you go back to that little slut after she already broke your heart once.
Whatever. I don't care. If you wanna go through pain, then go right ahead. Ill just keep my comments to myself and pretend that I don't like you anymore. Even though I love you with all of my heart.
Why don't you like me anyway? Am I not skinny enough, or pretty enough for you? That's probably it considering that Madi is a goddess.
Thats okay though. I know Im not perfect, and I don't want to be.
I just wish you would except me for that.
Well, I'm gonna wrap this up. You aren't gonna read this anyway.
But if you do, I want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I never will be. I'm just trying to let my feelings out so I can try and pick up the pieces and move on. If you care, great. If you don't, that's fine. I would rather you have not read this anyways.
Everyone tells me I will get over you, but I wont. At least not yet.
I love you Aaron. Forever and always.
~Sarah <3
