present, past & future

only entry

my first priority is to travel and eventually get to visit Paris France, a place I've always wanted to go, there I find a man that almost fucking hit me with a motorcycle
and ya we fall in love, when the time comes I will have children and my life will start from there, obviously I needed a job before this to earn the money to travel, I would choose to be a doctor, or a surgeon. I really like that job because while I'm working I know someone's depending on me to save another's life. Like instead of working at a McDonald's and helping people with their hunger, if be a doctor and help others in a way that makes me feel confident and proud of who I am. When my whole life is set up, I will have two children, older boy, Hudson. And a younger girl, I haven't picked a name yet. They will have to life the same life style I did, I want them to think we are poor and are struggling when he family is actually not. I want them to see how hard life is and how to sin their way through it. I want them to know lying is not a bad thing, I want them to know telling the truth isn't always a good thing. I want my son to see heartbreak and emotion, something most boys don't know about, and I want my girl to learn how to be strong, and not let people walk all over them, like how most girls don't know how to do. Once they've learned what life is at a young age I would feel safe to let them into the real world. I wouldn't care if my son does drugs, because I let him know that it's bad for you, and he knows that every time him or his friends smoke, in order for me to stop him without me being there. I would have to show him what would happen at a young age. Like I said before.
That's the happy side of things, but everyone eventually has to die, so that's why I let my children go on their own so quickly, because who knows what will happen to ME or my husband. How will they survive by themselves.
I might be a doctor but I might be diagnosed with cancer one day, and I need my future to know that it's okay if I die because they would know from their hearts that I've thought and planned this, from the age of 12, when society told me to enjoy my life and not worry about the future, but the future will worry for me. But no, that's not how my mother raised me, and that's not how I'm going to raise my children.