Southern Hospitality

An Intro to Carla Jean Harvey

"Carla!!!" my mom screamed to the top of her lungs.

"What? What the hell do you want? I'm busy!"

"There's some guy on the phone for you."

Ok here we go, he's calling my moms house now. What is up with that? I would like to consider that stalking. My mom's number isn't even listed. Jeeze. The audacity of men these days.

I ran downstairs almost tripping over my own feet. I snatched the phone out of her hand .

"Yeah?" I said, trying to sound as non chalant as possible.

"Carla, I've called your cell a hundred times, why won't you answer or atleast call me back?" I could hear the impatience in his voice.

"Umm.. I been busy with work and all. Just haven't had time to talk to anyone really. Nothing personal."

"Look, I really didn't mean to dump that soup on your lap the other night, and I'm just living with my parents temporarily."

Gosh this guy never gives up.

"It's ok William, no big deal, gotta go now, my mom needs my help. I'll try to call you when I get back to my apartment ok? Ta Ta!" And I slammed the phone down, giving my mom a look that could kill.

"What? I didn't know!" she said trying not to laugh.

So let me catch you up on my life up until now. My name is Carla Jean Harvey. Yeah, trust me, I catch shit from the "Carla Jean" part plenty thank you. I am 29 years old, and I grew up in Houma,Louisiana. Which is also where I am currently living. It's ok here, quaint, close-knit, but very busy. I am employed at Johnny's Corner Grocery, as a cashier/book-keeping kinda thing. Hey, it was the only job available, plus Johnny is my first cousin so we get along fairly well but he is a shitty salesman, and would rip off his own mother to make a buck. Actually, he is never there though, so we get along just fine. His friend's son Steven runs the place mostly.

I like to think of myself as fairly attractive. Big blue eyes, shoulder length blonde hair ( which stays frizzy,thanks kindly to humidity in the south ) and a fair physique. I'm not married, almost was once, but that cheap bastard is long gone outta my life. Atleast, I hope so anyway. I've been trying out the dating scene lately which is where William comes into the picture.

My friend Bridget calls me up Thursday night and tells me her boyfriend has this friend who really needs a date, he is new in town, makes decent money, and isn't bad on the eyes. So me being me, I'm all ... Yeah hook me up Bridge! Well fast forward a little to 8 p.m. Friday night. Here comes the nerdiest guy I have ever seen, pulling up to the front of my apartment, with a bouquet of yellow roses.

"Bridget told me you were hot! I just didn't know how hot until now."

I start thinking Yikes! What am I going to do to get outta this one? But then I think, screw it. If all else fails, its a free dinner and time out of my little ass apartment. So I jump in his ride, strap on the seat bealt and hold my breath till we get to the resteraunt. I held my breath because he had on some cologne that made Johnny's office smell good. And honey, let me tell you, after Johnny is cooped up in that office all day, sweating like a pig, it don't smell pretty.

We get to dinner and this clutz accidentally trips the waiter causing him to dump some sort of soup concoction all over my lap, not only scalding me, but embarassing me in front of God and everyone. After that catastrophe I tell him I have to go home, it just isn't a good night for me. On the way home, he proceeds to tell me that he moved down here into his parent's home, with them, because he couldn't afford living all by him wittle self no more....what a loser. I'm gonna kill Bridge.