The Dream That Got Away

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to an actual person or event is purely coincidental.

"I will stop my studies, it's the right thing to do, for now,  Alexander said to his mother then, walked away.

      I realized that being the son of unfortunate parents is like living without a chance to be happy. My father was only a factory worker, and my mother being the one doing household chores. We're just living in a simple house, in the place of my mother in the province, and my father is working in the city. I'm their only child, but it's like I'm not alone in this house. Sadness, grief, and anxiety are always with me wherever I go.
I'm a college student right now, supposedly, I will graduate this year. But I don't know if it would happen. My first three years in college were good. Suddenly, everything changed unexpectedly, my life worsens than before. My father, who is the one supporting me in my studies, will stop his work. I received a message from him informing me that he was urged to stop his work temporarily because of the pandemic. The company wherein he works forced to lessen their workers.  While reading the message, I felt nothing but fears and frustration. I became hopeless,
I was dependent on my father's work to provide for the needs of my studies, but now, he will stop his work. Is it the end of my ambitions? Is it the time to accept that I can't obtain the life that I'm yearning of?
 
The negative thoughts controlled my mind. It's like I see my ambitions slowly disappearing. I lost interest in everything.  My mother observed that my actions had changed, she asked me about the reason behind my actions, and I replied to her that, it's only because of what happened to my father in his job.
I said to her, "mom, what will happen to my ambitions? I am your only child, but you can't give everything I want. Don't tell me mom even in my education you can't afford to support me," I said to my mother, arrogantly.
She replied,  "Alexander, you must learn to understand our situation right now. I know you have your dreams to achieve, but our situation today is far different from before."

   I walked away with teary eyes after our conversation. I went to my room and cried. I  decided to stop my studies temporarily. I told my parents about my decision, and they understand and accept it. My father arrived from the city; I see the sadness on his face, he doesn't have work anymore, but he's overworked. His boss just gave him extra money for our daily expenses. He does not know when he could back to his work. He is silent, and I can't read what's going on in his mind.

I asked him, "dad, are you okay"?
"Yes, son, even if I'll tell you that I'm not okay, but I don't have a choice. I need to be okay for the sake of this family".
"Dad, now that you stopped your work, I hope you can find a way to support our daily needs. It is your responsibility as the provider of this family. You failed already in giving us a comfortable life, and don't tell me that you will be failing also in supporting my education.  I' did not see myself being like you, and my education is only the key to achieve the life that I desired." My father didn't reply, and he went to his room.
  
My anger at that time controlled me, and I have verbalized inappropriate words to him. I went to my close friend Jenny, hoping, that she can give me some good advice. I told her about my situation, and she said to me, " Alexander, what you are experiencing right now is just a single challenge that blocks the path going to your dreams. You are not only the one who experienced this. Try to imagine those homeless children and those beggars in the street. What do you think happened to them amidst the pandemic?" She continued,  "Alexander, they don't have anything except their intention to live. Try to put yourself in their situation, who is more unfortunate? Who is more hopeless? You are lucky that you have a family who gives comfort to you when you feel sad. What happened to your father is not the end of your dreams, maybe it is a new beginning for you to find yourself independent."
"But Jenny, you did not understand me. I only want to escape the miserable life that I have. All I want is to be a successful person to make our lives comfortable, which my father failed to provide. I'm striving in my study so that if I can graduate, I can give everything to them in return."
She replied, "my father doesn't have work also because of the pandemic, but it's okay. The main priority, for now, is our safety. Don't be selfish, Alexander. Yes, maybe our lives have changed, we're like prisoners at this time. We are like in prison, but this is not a punishment, it is a protection against the virus. She added, "the problem with you is, you don't know how to appreciate those little things around you because what you only see is your big dream. The dream that I'm sure you can't obtain without the efforts of your parents. Man, wake up!"
"Okay, you win. I will not argue with you anymore," I replied.

   I got offended, and I  walked away from her. I didn't expect that my close friend will talk to me like that.
While walking, going home, I see a  homeless child walking in the street without a mask, slippers, and wears dirty old clothes.  The child looks so helpless, and I have seen on his face the hunger that he feels.  I just continue walking, and around a distance, I see an old man who looks so tired and weak. I can easily distinguish that no one took good care of him.  I remembered what  Jenny said to me. I felt guilty because of my nasty words and actions towards my parents. I hurriedly go home, but when I was near already, I see our neighbors outside in our house, and I observed the sorrow in their faces. It's like there's something wrong that happened there. I run quickly, and I found out that my father committed suicide. I see his lifeless body on the floor. The tears flow like a river in my eyes. I can't afford to see my father breathless, and my mother almost lost his breath because of what happened. Every day, I see my mother crying, and she looks so weary. I blamed myself why she is behaving like that. I know what happened is very painful for us, but I tried to be strong. My mother needs me most at this time.  I comforted her, took good of her until she gains her strength again.
  
After my father's burial, everything starts going to normal, but one of my dreams already disappeared. They only know my dreams, but they don't have any idea of my reason why I was so eager to accomplish these. I was dreaming not only for my pleasure, but to give my parents a comfortable life, especially for my father who sacrificed his health, who work hard just to sustain our needs.  I wanted to buy him branded shirts.  I wished to have a family trip to other countries. I dreamed of having a good time with him. But, now that he was gone, all these dreams were like catching fish in the dry land.  I can still achieve my ambitions, I can still get what I want, but I have a dream, that got away, and sadly, it will never come back anymore.

End.