scenes

A Breakup

" Look me in the eyes and tell me you dont actually feel that way."

Tears are pouring down my face uncontrollably, no longer was i able to keep them in. Ive held them back for too long.

He stood in front of me his face blank with no emotion. I look at him, my eyes holding all the emotions i feel, the anger, the hurt, the betrayal.

His hair is messy from running his hands through it so much.

Memories of my hands in it crawl into mind, flashing all the moments where his soft curls were in between my fingers.

He takes in a deep breath, both of us breathing heavily.

"I never loved you, i only used you so i could get pleasure. For sex. You never meant anything to me, you honestly think someone like me could love you? I knew how to get you back every time, i knew your weaknesses and your emotions like the back of my hand. Nothing would ever work between us even if i wanted it too, we are complete opposites."

His voice sends a wave of shock down my spine, it was cold.

I could no longer look at him.

The man i fell in love with is not this. This version of him is evil, he knew how to get to me, how to make me fall for him, how to make me stay.

He's done it before.

Everytime i've let him back in i would tell myself " it's different this time" " we will work it out", but i have realized that we never will be able too.

He is independent, closed off, arrogant, while im co-dependent, open of my emotions, and always loving and kind to others.

I thought i had changed him for the better. That he had finally found someone who he could be vulnerable with, someone who would always make sure he ate, slept at a reasonable time, someone always there to rub his neck because the tension would cause his headaches.

Im not that person.

And his words make me believe i never was.

" So all the memories, all the acts of affection, the restless nights, the 'i love you's'...were what? for nothing?! I came back everytime, i always gave you another chance, even when i knew deep down it wasnt the right thing to do, i did it because I LOVED YOU AND YOU TOOK IT FOR GRANTED!"

The words come out on its own, i no longer hold back all the things ive wanted to say to him.

" You told me you wanted this, you made me believe we could work it out, you made me believe i was enough, that i was finally enough for someone. You knew how to lure me back in you knew every God damn FUCKING TIME! AND I LET YOU BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULD BE YOUR PERSON! I have never let a man make me feel or do the things you ever did or have made me feel. Its always been you for me, no matter how many times i tried to tell myself you werent good for me no matter who told me to get away because you werent healthy for me. I DEFENDED YOU EVER TIME EVERY FUCKING TIME I DEFENDED YOU AND YOU USED IT YOU USED ME!"

My throat burns from yelling but i was done. No longer could i keep taking this, every time i let him come back in he would break a piece of my heart everytime.

I hope hes happy now that he's finally shattered it.

" How could you..."

I trail off no longer having any energy or self control to stay in that room. The walls felt like they were closing in and everything was starting to spin, he doesnt say anything but i could see the hints of hurt in his eyes. As if he wasnt doing this of his own free will.

But i didnt care, we promised no more secrets, we promised we wouldnt shut the other out, we promised to be a team him and I.

I shake my head in disbelief. My eyes scan over him one more time, since it would be the last time i ever let him come into my life.

His beautiful brown eyes and long lashes, i always use to put mascara on them just for fun. The way his hair has grown much longer, the soft strands of hair now falling onto his forehead, my fingers tingle at the thought that i will no longer be able to feel it. The way his jaw ticks when he is nervous or angry, the way his lips felt euphoric against my own.

I turn on my heel making my way towards the door, there was no hesitation in leaving like i use to. There was no feeling of hope that he would stop me, because he and i both knew that this was the last straw.

A woman can only be pushed so far, and he pushed me over the edge with the tip of his finger.

The wooden door slams behind me making the house shake. The tears pour down my face faster, once i enter my car i speed off as fast as i possibly could.

I needed to be anywhere but there, anywhere away from him.

Every memory i've ever had of him...of us, plays in mind like a movie. The moments flashing like scenes, my foot pushing down farther the more the memories and tears come.

The moment where he and i both said those three words. The night sky was beautiful all the stars filled it like a painting, that was the most vulnerable i had ever been. The dock was empty and it was just him and i looking out at the beautiful world in front of us. So much passion and lust were in his eyes, but it was all for show. Just for his pleasure.

A loud sob comes out of me, and a shooting pain goes into my heart. Never in my life have i felt this sort of pain, it was emotional, mental, and physical. My body and hands were shaking vigorously, all my emotions were heightened and everything around me felt like it was closing in, as if the whole world was swallowing me.

As the speed of the car increases to its highest i swerve my car between the others, almost hitting each and every one of them. In that moment I no longer cared about what happened to me, I needed someone to make me feel enough I needed someone to be proud of me, but that someone wasnt him. It never was nor will it be.

As the memory of him and I first meeting plays in my head my hands grip the wheel so tight my knuckles turn white. The way his hands gripped my waist when i bumped into him, that night at the club the only person i wanted to be with was him. I remember the smell of whiskey and cologne radiating off of him, the feeling of his damp shirt against my bare stomach since i had spilled his drink all over him. The way his soft hands felt around my waist, like he was holding on for dear life. His eyes were shimmering and soft, it felt like love at first sight.

" Im Xavier."

Those words being the last thing i hear before the impact of the semi truck comes crashing into the passengers side.