It was a cold day for summer, at least I think it was summer. It could have been winter, I'm so cold it is hard to tell where I left off. The days seem to blend when you have no worries or concern for others and trivial things. Things that would stress you to the ends of the Earth even if you fell off the edge of it. I fell and got back up again, even though I wanted to stop and lay wherever I was. It were people, the ones that are strong that told me to stop crying and keep walking. I felt nothing in those times that is what I was taught to feel nothing. Just brush it off and keep going. Maybe that is why I cried when others cried, not becuase I understood why. I cried becuase they were crying, I just couldn't understand what was so sad or hurt when there was nothing there.
Maybe that is why the stillness of my death didn't scare me, but gave me an invitation to lay down and not get back up. I'm still cold? Yes, I don't know why I remember nothing but being frozen in nothing and the cold that came with it, no one can help me here anyway. Sometimes I think in my own darkness specifically designed for me when me could no longer exists in this world. I think about the people who might have witnessed my death or knew about and what came after. I don't dwell on it for long and yet I thought there would be something more to death then just wondering. Maybe just maybe I may not be at peace. Never thought about it that way, in times like these I may need to.
If I think long enough I feel a twinge of light that I am compelled to follow. Here I still am in comfortable darkness. I hesitate at the thought of clarity, at the thought of knowledge, feeling, and truth. My truth, I don't know how to process MY TRUTH.
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The summer I drowned.
Mystery / ThrillerThe summer I drowned, was one of a kind. Almost as if a recurring dream I can't shake. It was the storm before the calm, the endless up hill of hope, safety and the stillness of the end.
