the strawberry dress | harry styles

34: giving up

tw suicide and dark thoughts

"uh she isn't really in the mood to speak to anyone right now but i will ask. oh shit. okay i promise i'll stay with her and keep you updated. of course dude. yeah yeah i will" my best friend turned to me. "you wanna speak to harry?" he asked. i didn't want to speak at all but i loved him so much.

i gestured for the phone.
"love?" his sad voice spoke in my ear.
"hi" i managed to utter out.
"are you okay?" he asked.
"uh...no. not really" i said quietly.
"you can get through this love, i promise. i'll be home in just over two weeks to be with you"
"i-i'll be fine" no i wouldn't.
"you will. now go watch notting hill"
"sounds like a plan" zayn grinned.
"i love you harry" i said timidly.
"i love you too my llve. i'll call you later, okay?"

the call ended and zayn gave me a long hug.
"i know it's difficult. but you can get through this. i'll personally kill depression for you" he ruffled my hair gently and grabbed the key harry gave him. "tell me everything you want. i'll get it"
"orange juice" i said.
"orange juice it is. be back in 20" he got up and left the room, humming to himself on the way out.

depressing shit begins HUGE TW

dear harry and zayn,

i love you both more than anything on this planet but it just got too much. i dont want to explain it but i guess things just had to end this way but that's okay. shit happens, l

i love you both so much and im sorry for leaving. you'll be okay.

love from maya x

i folded it up and put it on the bed and scribbled their names on it. i then went into my draw and found the pills. i emptied them all into the palm of my hands as tears streamed down my cheeks. my mind kept shouting harrys name and i sobbed harder, begging it to shut up.

"hey maya i left my wal-oh" zayn returned and saw me.  "put them down" he sounded scared.
"i can't" i whispered.
"maya please. just put them down"
"i-i can't" i cried.
"youre my best friend. i love you so fucking much. everyone else gave up on me but you didn't. you have so much fucking importance to this world. w-what about harry?"
"he'll be fine" i mumbled.
"no. no he fucking wont" zayn had tears in his eyes as he walked closer to me. "he'd be more hurt than me"
"i cant do this anymore"
"yes you can. you fucking can. now c'mon, hand them over"

fuck no. i threw them all into my mouth