As Leonard walked through their front door, he found Sheldon pacing the living room in his usual bathrobe. Leonard was immediately puzzled because it was only 8:30, a good hour and a half before his usual bedtime. And Sheldon wouldn't wear any nighttime clothes until 9:15PM sharp.
"Hey, uh, what's going on?" He tossed his keys in their usual bowl, on the table by the door and put his computer bag down. He shed his jacket, tossed in on his computer chair and walked closer to him.
Sheldon stopped his pacing and looked his dead in the eye. "I really need your help." His tone was extremely serious. Was he dealing with another change he dreaded? A new mail carrier had been assigned to their zip code? Netflix changed their user interface? His favorite candy bar came out with a new logo?
"Okay, what's wrong? Sit." He was a bit worried. Did something bad happen? He sat on their chair as Sheldon took his place in his spot.
"Okay, Amy and I went out for dinner tonight. And we had a lovely time."
"Okay, that sounds pretty good."
"She told me she's thinking of becoming a vegetarian." Sheldon nervously stalled.
"Uhhhh....what?" How was that relevant? What, did she lecture him about slaughter while he ate a steak or something?
"By the way, don't trust the eggplant from that organic grocer up the street. I saw one of the owners drop one on the ground and just put it back with all the rest of them, ruining them and also I—"
"Sheldon! What's the point?!"
"Oh, yes...well. Amy came back here with me, and..." he lowered his voice, as though someone else was trying to listen in. "She wants to sleep with me!"
"That's it?!"
"What do you mean, 'that's it' ??" He wailed. "I'm petrified! That one sip of champagne at dinner was too much! I've gone off the deep end! I said yes! And now she's 'getting ready' and I don't even know what that means!"
"Hey, come one, it's not that big of a deal."
"Not that big of a deal?! This is a precipice, my entire life will be forever changed! Oh, God, why didn't I read all those Judy Blume books when I had the chance?!!" He practically collapsed into Leonard, crying frantically.
Leonard tried very, very hard not to laugh. He imagined a 12 year-old Sheldon attempting to steal a copy of Judy Blume's Forever from his sister Missy and hiding it behind the latest copy of Physics Today.
But, he had to be a good friend and roommate, so Leonard knew how to handle this: "Alright, you're a man of science. You are a living organism, yes?"
"Well, yes,"
"Okay. So, what are the six properties of all living organisms in order to survive?"
Sheldon knew each one by heart since he was 4 years old: "They are are made of cells, require and use energy, produce waste, adapt to their environment, and have a life span."
"And...?"
He sighed and hung his head. "Reproduce."
"That's right. Now you get in there and have sex with your girlfriend!"
"But I don't know what to do..."
"You'll be fine." He encouraged as they both stood up, their conversation coming to an end. "I think with you literally being a genius, you'll figure it out."
Just then, Amy appeared from the bathroom, talking to herself aloud and possibly Sheldon.
"I swear to God, if that thing takes 20 minutes to put in properly, it better work." She paused, rather startled at Leonard being home. "Oh, hey Leonard. I'll—uh--be in the other room." She turned, went to Sheldon's room and closed the door.
