Unblackened (A SHORT STORY- COMPLETED)

Unblackened

She kissed me back.

The smile she flashed was so slight that anybody else would have missed it. But I knew her every nook and cronies. It instantly warmed my heart.

It was wrong, but I never felt so happy and dizzy about kissing someone, not even my first kiss with my boyfriend.

Later that night, after the whole dorm was asleep, I crept downstairs. I wanted to lose myself in the thoughts of her. Instead, I tore a page out of my notebook and sat at my desk.

With my pen poised above the paper, I articulated the break-up letter to my boyfriend.

#*#*#*#*#**#**#*#*#**#

As I returned to class after recess, everyone was looking at me and discussing something among themselves. I felt every eye on me with a weird vibe kept colliding itself on me.

While thinking all these, I was thrown into disarray, quite literally, when I landed on my hips with my head just inches from the desk. My skirt flew open. I was not as ashamed as I was wearing under-skirts. But instantly I arranged it and looked up searching for the source of this embarrassment.

The first thing my eyes noticed was not the girls ganging up on me but the guy who passed by the window behind them. His sad eyes looked blood-shot when he tried to look inside as was his habit, searching for me. This time he realized his mistake, and his expression hardened.

Instantly he looked forward and rushed off, his eyes watering at my betrayal. My heart ached and bled looking at him like this.

The bell rang, but nothing inside the classroom moved, not even air.

I felt disheartened after viewing my friend, my confidant, and now my ex ignoring me like this and have so much naked pain in his eyes. It left me morose and disoriented.

I brought myself to look at the girls all my energy lost with my eyes looking blank.

One of them sneered at me"How can you do that to him, huh? And without any reasonable explanation? Who do you think you are, you slutty bitch? "

To avoid my feeling of dilemma from showing in my eyes, my mind running wild for all the reasons I can't be with him, the major one me being a homosexual, I got up slowly with my head bowed down.

Collected, I raised my head confidently in their direction to give a retort, "mind your own fuc----", when suddenly there was a clamour of people rushing about to get to their seats.

The teacher was coming.

Everyone got seated except for me. I stood still, following the teacher with The Times of India in his hands rounding the corner, my body completely numb but my mind running at the speed of light.

A phrase-a quote more like popped up in my brain from the same newspaper I read days ago. It repeated on my mind and made me determined.

I have to tell him the truth. He deserves it because he loves me.

He can't love the wrong 'me'.

#*#*#*#*#*#**#

"Who is it?" I jumped, the silence shattered by his sudden harsh words. His eyes were ablaze with the imaginary flames.

I told him everything.

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not."

This quote by Andre Gide I read in the newspaper kept repeating itself. I told him my truth. Hers was not mine to tell.

I loved the feel of her soft lips on mine, her lashes fluttering while we kissed and her hands shaking when she snaked them on my wrist to steady herself. It was a beautiful moment for us. But we haven't spoken since. I needed to sort this out first without involving her in my mess.

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes because I wanted him to understand this clearly and believe every word.

"It's just me. I have been thinking about this, and this is my conclusion. I like girls in all the ways. "

"But--but you kissed me. You love kissing me, d-d-don't you?", he spluttered when he saw my uneasy expression.

"Don't you?" this time he asked harshly, but his voice still had that expectation which relied on my confirmation. Whatever the world said about me, he always believed what I said. Like the time I said I couldn't meet him at our rendezvous point for a make-out session by lying that I was sick, but his friends said I looked fine and in high spirit.

"Not exactly," I said bravely, and his face dropped, all the life leaving his lovely face."Hey.hey.hey. You are my best friend. We were very young when we got together. I have changed in this relationship. I understand things better about myself. But one thing has not changed and never will. Whatever anyone says, I love you. "

I put my hands forward and tried cupping his face, but he swatted it away with a slap. His face was enraged, and his whole body started shaking.

"You are a freak," he yelled savagely and vanished in a matter of seconds, leaving me alone.

Then I knew it's going to be a long, long walk. A hard one too.

The phrase kept repeating itself, but now it didn't make any sense. I wanted to run after him and dismiss everything as a mere joke. Untrue but we can be back to as it were.

I lost the only friend who loved me unconditionally and knew he would never come back. All those happy memories, we made will be lost in the endless passing of time.

I heard noises and looked up, expectantly, but I saw something more ethereal, her beautiful smile as she passed by.

Then I knew. I'll make more fond memories and lament the old ones, but I'll find a way.

I'll not be living a lie.